Page 58 of Love Beyond Repair
Chapter twenty-nine
Kelsey
Cutting the call, relief floods my body. The lawyer says it will be straightforward as long as we both agree. I know Ben will want to make this process as painless as possible. He always puts our children first. It’s strange. I thought we’d stay married forever—not together, just legally bound. It seemed simpler to have a quiet, mutual bond, but I’m done with in-betweens.
It started with toast. That’s the funny part… I set fire to the kitchen. Luckily, the children were with Ben that day. I ran out of the house and dialed 999. It felt like an overreaction as the fire engine blared onto our street, blue lights flashing and sirens wailing as nosy neighbors peered out their windows.
Three brawny firefighters jumped out of the truck and ran into my house. I stood in my pink fluffy dressing gown and slippers, watching like it was a sitcom.
“Not much damage, Mrs.,” the yellow giant announced. “Are you alright? Is there someone I can call to come help you? Your husband, perhaps?”
He removed his helmet, and the most stunning green eyes met mine. Kind. Interested. Present. Every inch a man I could be and was attracted to.
“No, sir. I live by myself, well, while the children are at their father’s, anyway. Thank you so much for coming,” I said, as he offered to make me a cup of tea, searching my cupboards for biscuits without waiting for an answer. Telling me how the fire station dog had escaped again and that his last call had been a pet cat up a tree. I just sat and listened, mesmerized by this beautiful man.
His hair was short, almost a buzz cut. He looked older than me, probably nearer fifty than forty. He had a strong jaw with designer stubble that was graying. I found myself imagining what it would feel like to have him kiss me. When it was time for him to leave, I felt a sense of sadness, knowing I’d never see him again. Something about him was captivating.
The next morning, I opened my front door to a dozen roses on the doorstep. I looked around but couldn’t see who had delivered them.
Wrong house, but aren’t they lovely? I could keep them. Who would know?
The card was nestled amongst the greenery, and I picked it out to see if I could work out who they were meant for. It read:
To The Toast Incinerator,
I couldn’t help but return to see you.
Am I right in assuming you are single?
Would you do me the honor of having dinner with me?
From, Your Fireman xoxo
I stepped out onto my front porch. Clutching the card between my fingers, a huge grin spreading across my face. Then I saw him leaning against a lamppost, like the final shot of a rom-com. Relaxed. Confident. His eyes fixed on me. He walked over, hand outstretched in greeting.
“Hi. I’m George. And I was so awestruck by you while saving you from the burning toast, I had to come back and ask you out for dinner.”
I giggled, completely taken aback. “Well, George, the firefighter, I’d love to.”
We swapped numbers, and he kissed my cheek before he left.
“See you later, gorgeous.”
And just like that, my world cracked open a little.
Now, he’s picking me up in half an hour for our first real date. And I’ve changed my outfit ten times. What does a woman pushing forty wear on a date with a hot firefighter? I settle on a fitted blue dress with a scoop neckline, demure and classy, teamed with kitten heels and pearls. Safe, but still me.
When Ben and I separated, dating was the last thing on my mind. Over the past five years, I’ve been on two dates, blind dates set up by well-meaning friends, and they were both disasters. I hope George is different. Leaving Ben wasn’t about someone else. It was for me, and for him.
Ollie was only eight months old. And I was exhausted—with him, with us, with pretending. I walked away from the man who, for all his faults, stood by me for twenty years. He stepped up when times were hard. Sacrificed his own wants to ensure I was looked after. We loved each other, just not in a way that lasts.
Every time he touched me, I wished he wouldn’t. Every time I rejected him, it felt cruel. He tried to love me, but I came to the realization I didn’t want his love. He was my security blanket. My home. The one thing I could dependon. But that’s not love, that’s reliance. We both needed out.
There was a time, after Rose was born, when I thought we were unbreakable. He’d stay up just to watch her sleep, his hand resting on the Moses basket like he was holding our whole world. I used to think that this man could never let me down. But love isn’t just about who holds the baby at 3 a.m. It’s about who you still want to touch when everything’s quiet.
Our relationship became a friendship. That’s sad, maybe. But it’s true. I hope he finds someone who fits him. Who sees him and loves him completely. If I’m honest with myself, he already had that in Bex, but I was too immature to let him go.
We don’t see her now, after the last fiasco when I was pregnant with Ollie. She’s clever, complicated, and constantly chasing something that broke. I used to be jealous of her, hating that my husband’s feelings lingered for her after years apart, furious she commanded so much power in my life. But now, I know what I need. I wish her happiness, and I hope she knows what she needs as well.
