Page 75 of Love Beyond Repair
I felt self-conscious. I wasn’t the same young, fit woman he knew from before. Childbearing and cancer treatments had scarred my body, but he never looked away. Not once. He didn’t seem to care.
Soft lips trailed kisses from my neck down my chest and over my blemishes.
His fingers skimmed my ribs where the weight loss had left shadows, then paused over the faint line of my surgicalscar. I flinched without meaning to, but Ben didn’t pull away. Instead, he kissed it. Gently. As if the parts of me that felt broken deserved the most love of all.
Tears stung my eyes, but I let them fall.
“You don’t have to hide from me,” he murmured. “I see you, Bex. All of you, and I’m still here.” I didn’t answer—not with words. Instead, I pulled him down to me. Because I needed this. I neededhim.
He moved slowly, kissing his way down my stomach to my thighs. Every touch unhurried, as if time didn’t exist. When he finally entered me, I inhaled sharply but not from pain, but from the overwhelming sense of beingchosen, held and loved.
And in that moment, I let go. Of the shame, the fear, the years of pretending I was fine on my own. I let it all fall away. Because for the first time in years, I wasn’t alone, not anymore. With him inside me, it was like being put back together again.
His hips rocked, pushing deep. Warm lips touched my neck as his breath hit my skin. I wrapped my legs around him, holding tight, not wanting the moment to end. A connection I never thought I’d have again but needed now more than ever.
After, we both drifted off into a peaceful doze in each other’s arms, finally, together like we should have been since Spain. There’s a happiness tinged with sadness in the air, an understanding that starting now is the beginning ofthe end. But love comes in all forms, and this is ours. We need to grasp it.
The alarm clock in my bedroom plays the morning news as a signal that another day is beginning, and Ben laughs.
“You wake up to the news?” he asks. “Isn’t that a bit depressing?”
“I like to keep informed,” I reply, shooting him a pointed look. He kisses me softly on the lips, and my breathing hitches. He smiles, then he kisses me again, full of love and longing. I could do this every damn day.
Lying in bed, he feels safe and strong beside me. I laugh, and he raises an eyebrow in question.
“I was just thinking. Some things don’t change.” I elaborate because he looks confused. “When we were together, I mean, properly together, like in Spain…” His brow creases, unsure where I’m going with this. “You used to steal all the covers. And here I am, lying here with a tiny square of the blanket. Give me some more,” I shout, tugging at the duvet.
Visibly relaxing, he lifts his ass off the bed to release more of the blanket, then gently places it over me. His arms surround me, and we lie there in silence, enjoying the moment together.
The sound of little feet coming down the hallway echoes along the corridor, and Liam wanders into the bedroom, looking confused.
“Mummy,” he calls. “Mummy, where are you? The lights are off.”
Every morning, he climbs into bed with me for half an hour while I listen to the news. I leave the hall light on when the mornings are dark. Liam isn’t particularly keen on change; he gets upset when things are different from what he expects. His easy acceptance of Ben and his siblings was a shock. I really thought we would have more issues. Liam loves them all.
“I’m here, darling,” I call to him.
He appears around the front of the bed. Our son surveys the scene in front of him, and Ben immediately sits up.
“Morning, buddy,” he says with a smile, holding his arms out for a hug. Liam walks forward, and I feel my heart melt.
He’s still half asleep. I don’t know if he realizes that his father is actually here. Then, his eyes widen.
“Daddy! You’re here! But why are you here and not at your house? Did you get lost?” Ben laughs and kisses his forehead.
“I had to come and speak to Mummy,” he explains to our son. “I had to tell her that I love her and want us to be a family.” Ben turns to me, and I smile at him. “You’re right. I’ve been lost for a long time.”
Liam, not understanding his father’s words, just jumps into bed. Squeezing in between us, he wriggles to createmore room for himself. Freezing-cold toes connect with my legs, and I move away quickly as if stung.
“Liam, what did I tell you about wearing your slippers? You’re freezing,” I scold. He shrugs his shoulders, ignoring my comment, and turns to his father.
“Do you live with us now? Will you be staying? Never leave?”
His words are hopeful. My heart breaks. Ben hugs him fiercely. “I’m here for you always.”
For the first time in months, I feel happy and relaxed. I have hope. It’s the first time since my diagnosis that I truly feel that life isn’t just going to get continually worse. The dread and fear are still there, but they’re not engulfing me like before.
The three of us lie in bed, holding each other, until a little voice pipes up.
