Page 39 of Burned By Sin
“What does it matter to you?” I spit, my heckles rising. Since when did anyone dare to scrutinize me in my own house?
“It matters because if I’m going to compete for her affections, it had better be against someone worthy of them. If being with her is just another way to get at me,” his knuckles crack, “if you build her up just to toss her aside when you’re done, I will come after you. I’ll show you what true pain feels like.”
My scowl falls away for a menacing smile to break free. Clayton has no idea what true pain feels like. He has suffered loss, but he had that love to lose. I was raised by hired staff who feared my father’s rule. I was beaten into submission before I stood a chance to rebel. Well I’m rebelling now, and no one is going to take Harper away from me. Not whilst I have breath left in my lungs.
Shaking myself, I continue up the stairs. Why I even tried to come up for an answer for Scum is beyond me. I don’t owe him shit. Slamming my door shut, streaks of sunlight bleed through the curtains, illuminating the twisted covers on my bed. Two head prints are indentedin my pillows, the smell of musk and sleep perfuming the air. My teeth clench hard enough to crack.
Of all the spare rooms down the hallway, they came here. Violating my space. Clayton spooned Harper inmybed, and that better be all he did. I should storm back out and kick his ass, but I’m exhausted. I’m tired of always being angry. My limbs are heavy from the constant fight I have with my own being.
If I had controlled my temper, it could have been me here with her last night instead. Clayton wouldn’t have had the chance to swoop in and cradle her as she sleeps. Wouldn’t have felt the curve of her ass pressing against him, the silky ends of her hair tickling his chest. I drove her toward him, and it won’t happen again. I flop onto the mattress, dragging the covers over my head. This is no longer working for me. This lone wolf, me against the world attitude.
Do I really care for Harper? The question echoes around my head, but I don’t have the tools to fully understand the answer. I have no comparison to what this feeling actually is, but it’s something. It’s real and alive, pulsating in my chest everything I think about her. Yet, admitting it out loud sets me up for everything I try to avoid. Rejection. Humiliation. It opens up a void in which others can witness my demise, should Harper eventually tire of me.
She bends my steadfast morals, she’s the voice of reason in my head. I feel her burying herself into my soul, the weight of her burdens causing my own to seem irrelevant. She’s my weakness and my strength, my power and my flaw. It’s not so much do I care for her but that Ineedher. I need her to bring the light to my darkness. A dull, bitter laugh trickles from between my lips as I realize, I am completely and utterly fucked.
“Yeah,” I whisper the answer for my ears only. “I really do care for her.”
Chapter Twenty Four
The quad is busier than I expected, buzzing with that pre-lunch energy of students rushing to beat the food lines. Addy walks beside me, a dampened down version of herself. Wearing soft tones of beige and cream, her skirt sways limply over thick tights and her guilt is visible like an accessory on her fluffy long-sleeved sweater. Even her hair doesn’t appear as vibrant in the winter sun, which struggles to break through clouds of gray.
“Hey,” I sign, redirecting her attention from the concrete at our feet to my face. “You look tired.” It’s true, the bags under her eyes are more present today. I can make an educated guess that Addy hasn’t been sleeping, given that I’ve stayed at Rhys’ since our disagreement and made sure to sneak back for clean clothes when she’s not around. Although, that isn’t a necessity now that Rhys has told his cleaner to include my items in his laundry.
Addy smiles sadly, her lips pressed tightly together. A sharp pang of guilt hits me in the gut and we both start signing apologies at the same time.
“I’m sorry about the way I left.”
“I’m sorry I upset you, I was just messing around.”
“AndI missed your shopping trip.”
“I still think he’s a cum stain but he’s your cum stain.”
I laugh, tucking my hair behind my ear. My receivers are tucked safely in my pocket, the possibility of a hearing-free lunch too enticing to pass up. We pass the library and the Dean’s offices, joining on the back of the line to the cafeteria.
If I were in a rush, I’d suggest we head to one of the other cafes on campus. As it stands though, I’m happy to waste as much time as possible, interested to see if the boys come to some sort of truce after last night. I’m negating the laptop light issue from my mind. For all we know, it was a technical fault, or the camera could have been accidentally activated when we were packing up. And if it wasn’t, then we’ll deal with it, but I won’t regret what happened.
Catching Addy fidgeting with the hem of her sweater, I nudge her shoulder and smile.
“It’s fine, water under the bridge. You didn’t mean anything by it.”
Addy winces, guilt consuming her face again.
“I kind of did.” She shrugs, twisting her lips. “I just worry. You know how he gets.”
“He’s different with me,”I insist, the truth of that statement shining in my eyes. Addy doesn’t look convinced.
“That’s what Ed Gein’s girlfriend said, and he made people into skin suits.”
“Addy!”I smack her arm.The line shuffles forward and I shake my head at the sky. I suppose she wouldn’t be a true friend if she didn’t care for me. I understand people have their reservations about Rhys, and they likely always will. He is who his father made him into, there’s no changing bad habits now. When we finally reach the cafeteria doors, I nudge her gently with my elbow. “No one’s perfect.”
“Clayton is pretty perfect,”she counteracts, much to my surprise.
“Should I be worried?”We both laugh, the tension easing at last. Linking my arm in hers, I let Addy guide us along the boothsdisplaying drinks and packaged food items. My attention is on the room, the students laughing, bodies jostling, chairs scraping. I feel the vibrations under my feet and I find that it’s comforting in a strange way. A pulse of normalcy.
We grab trays and make our way down the line. Addy loads hers with salad and fries, while I go for a grilled cheese and tomato soup. Comfort food at its finest. After both opting for water and paying, we find a table near the window. The midday light falls over Addy’s face, her freckles a pattern across her nose and cheeks. She signs quickly once we’re seated.
“I really am sorry, Harper. I don’t want to make you feel like I’m judging you.”
