Page 1 of Madison
CHAPTER ONE
Madison
Watching Asher and Logan exchange vows, I can’t help but be so happy for two people who mean so much to me and have gone through some shit to get to this point. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever walk down the aisle.
It’s been more than half a year since Mick declared I was his—more than six fucking months. He kissed me that day, and we’ve gone out on a couple of dates and kissed a few times since, but that’s it. Every time we kiss, it’s electric and I want more, but he always stops. I mean, I know I don’t have big boobs and am closer to being a member of the itty-bitty titty committee, but he hasn’t even discovered I’m pierced. He’s never let his hands roam the few times we have kissed.
Am I completely in love with Mick? Yes. Am I tired of nothing happening? Shit, yes. At this rate, I’m going to be a thirty-year-old virgin. Yeah, I’ve got a couple of years till then, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to change anytime soon. I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life.
I can’t just keep cleaning the clubhouse and doing laundry as a career. I need to find my niche, a job that I like, and that’s mine. I need to take Logan’s example and find what makes me happy.I know I’m not most guy’s idea of a stunning beauty, with my wider hips, brownish-red hair and my small chest, but I know I’m worth more than just an occasional kiss. As much as I love Mick, I’m beginning to wonder if we’re destined to never move past that.
I know you’re probably asking, why am I waiting on Mick to make a move and why not make a move myself? I did. And the one time I tried, I failed miserably. It makes you not want to try again. When I did attempt it, I dressed all sexy and tried to seduce him. What did he do? He walked up to me, kissed me on the nose, wrapped my sweater around me, and told me that we couldn’t be late for dinner. Yep, it totally happened last month. I’m really starting to think Mick might not be as into me as he is the idea of us together.
I’m brought out of my head by my uncle, Erik, tapping my shoulder. I look up at him. “You wouldn't wanna dance with your old uncle, would ya?” I can’t help but smile. He’s a thinker. Another person who’s often lost in their thoughts, like me. Maybe that’s why we’ve always been close. He gets me. He gets my need to think about things long after everyone else has moved on.
I stand up and put my arm around his. “I’d love nothin’ more. It’s not often I get a chance to twirl around the dance floor with you. I think the last time I danced on your feet.” He chuckles.
“That might’ve been it, so it’s long overdue.” The song ends and another slower song starts up, so he spins me around once before slowly dancing together.
He looks down at me. “So, sometimes an uncle has to pry. What’s goin’ on with you and Mick? I thought he’d finally gotten off his ass and asked you out.” I must let out a sigh worthy of Ry.
“That’s a good fucking question. I don’t know at this point. We’ve gone out a few times, kissed a few different times, and the one time I tried to be assertive andshowhim that I wanted more, I got shot down so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny.” I look up at him. “You’re his godfather. Has he talked to you at all?”
He looks down at me. “Not recently, no. He’s a lot like his dad. He keeps shit in until something makes it all come out at once.”
Well, that helps me none. “I just feel like maybe he’s more into the idea of us, thanactuallybeing with me. I just know I’m about done waiting. I feel like I’ve been waiting for life to happen and that needs to stop.” I see something I can’t place come over Uncle Erik’s face before he schools his expression.
He speaks up as we continue to dance. “Listen to your heart. Sometimes our brain and our hearts don’t align. If you want to find your happiness, whatever that is, and with whoever you’re meant to be with, follow your heart. Our brains usually fight with us to go down the path of least resistance, and that doesn't always equate to happiness. We’ve only got this one life to live, Madison. You don’t want to wake up twenty years from now and be filled with what-ifs. Make your heart lead you. Brains make us decide on the smartest, least complicated choices. Our hearts guide us to decisions made on happiness and love.That’swhat matters. Everything else is just filler.”
Well, shit. That’s a lot to unpack, especially ’cause I can tell he’s speaking from experience. One of these days, everythinginside his mind is going to spill out and we’ll get to understand what’s behind the pain and hurt after all these years. It can’t just be dealing with the Celeste-erist this entire time. There’s some unrequited love in his heart. I look back up at my uncle.
“But what if he doesn’t want what I want? I mean, we’re going on almost a year here soon and nothing’s changed.” Uncle Erik looks in thought for a couple of minutes. The song stopped, but the next one is a somewhat slow one, so we’re still slowly spinning around the dance floor.
“I know you said you dressed up for him and all that, and I don’t really wanna think about you being grown and doin’anythingwithanyguy, but I’m gonna ignore the fact that you’re my little one, the one who took naps in my lap and always asked me to read your princess books to you. Have you said the specific words to him?”
I shake my head before it dawns on me that, no, I’ve never told him I wanted sex, but he’s never said he does or tried to move forward.
“Little one. He’s probably waiting on the words from you ’cause he doesn’t want to push you into somethin’ you ain’t ready for.” Well, fuck me.
“Why is everyone afraid I’m going to break? It’s been more than seven years and I didn’t actually get—”
Uncle Erik puts his hand up against my mouth to stop me. “Little one. I know what happened and what almost happened. I don’t think everyone thinks you’re going to break, but you also spent years hiding under your baggy clothes and not being social. No one wants you to go back into your shell.” Enough. No one gets it.
“I wasn’t hiding ’cause of what almost happened! I was hiding because it was my fault! I went to that party when I knew better. I went to that room with the guys willingly. It’s my fault Rory went away for all those years! I was selfish and look what happened!” I must have started yelling without realizing it ’cause I’m spun around. In front of me is a pissed-off-looking Rory with all of our siblings behind him.
“What in the hell did you just say? Do youreallythink it’s your fucking fault?”
Kierstie, who looks angrier than I’ve ever seen her, chimes in. “Is that why you hid from everyone for so long? Not ’cause of what those fucktards did or almost did?” I look at all my siblings, who look all sorts of pissed the fuck off. Well, shit. I didn’t mean to spew all that out.
“I’m not fragile like everyone seems to think I am. I’m not about to break and it drives me nuts that everyone walks on eggshells around me. I’m still the same girl ya’ll grew up with, but no one treats me that way. Every one of you treats me like a fucking victim. I’m not. It was my selfishness that put me in that position and Ror paid the price for it.”
Rory walks up right in front of me and grabs my chin, making me look him in the eye. “Listen here, Sis. I need you to listen and listen good. I know I speak for all of us when I say that none of that was your fault. You were just at a party, and those guys, the second you said no, should’ve fucking listened. I don’t regret what I did and, honestly, I’d do it again for you. I never blamed you, not for one second of the time I spent in there. You get me?” I can’t help but nod ’cause he’s a little scary at the moment. Ror holds my gaze for a second, like he needs to make sure I reallyunderstand him. I do. I get it, but it doesn’t change the fact thatIwill always blame myself. That’s just always gonna be there.
I must be back in my head ’cause he taps my chin before removing his hand. Juan, who can never shut up, adds to the conversation. “Sis, we never meant to treat you differently. I never thought of you as being about to break, but, to be fuckin’ honest, I didn’t know how to talk to you. I felt like you went so far in your head that we weren’t ever gonna get you back. I ain’t blaming you, but how—” He’s interrupted by a very angry-looking Mick.
Mick
I love the Weston family, all the siblings, but right now, the urge to deck all the guys is almost overpowering. “Shut the fuck up. For one, this ain’t the place and for two, y’all ganging up on my woman like this ain’t okay. She’s—”
