Page 12 of Madison
I look at him and ask a question back. “Is this you two askin’ or Brandy and Shandy askin’? I saw you both dancin’ with them at the reception. Does that mean your back in good with them?”
Saxon pouts and crosses his arms just like he did when we were kids. “Fuck no. We’re in the fucking friend zone still. Just glad they don’t seem to be interested in dating anyone right now ’cause if that was the case, we’d have a fucking problem.”
Jameson nods. “They’re concerned about Mads ’cause they’ve gotten close to her since they’ve come here, but no, we came to check on you. I know you’ve been gone for her for a long time, and we heard what went down at the reception and up on the mountain once we found her. I know she’s not talking to Ma, Pa, Pres, or anyone in the family and didn’t know if she was treating you the same.”
I ain’t gonna share with them what happened this morning ’cause that’s private between the two of us. “Nah, she’s not ignoring me. I had breakfast at her place this morning.” I won’t mention it was her I had for breakfast—and that’s now my veryfavorite breakfast ever. Jameson tilts his head like he’s studying me.
Before he can say anything, Saxon speaks up. “You finally hit that, didn’t you?” I start to stand up to knock the shit out of him for talking about Madison that way, but a hand on my shoulder has me sitting back down.
I hadn’t heard Grant come in the back, but I watch him walk over to Saxon and smack him upside the head. “I know I raised you better than that, son. If you ever get a chance with Shandy, you want him talking about her that way?” Saxon actually looks sheepish and apologetic. Nice to know he’s still able to be taken down a peg by his dad.
Jameson asks me something that surprises me. “You’ve been all about her for a while. How do you know it’s love and that you’re in love with her?”
I think about my answer for a moment before I speak up. “Because nothing makes sense without her. None of my dreams or goals in life, the things I want, just all of it. I can’t imagine any of that without her in it because she is it. She’s the endgame.”
Grant surprises me with his next comment. “Love of a good woman or man is everything. If you are lucky enough to find the love of your life, you hold on and don’t let go. It isn’t that you couldn’t possibly find love again, ’cause you can. It’s that your heart isn’t really yours to give and that next person is going to end up suffering in some way.” That’s the second person who’s said something along those lines to me today. I know in my heart Madison is mine and I’m hers, but it has me wondering about Grant, and Mom and Dad. I’m starting to think that Ma and Pa’sstory was not the only thing that we don’t know about the older generation.
Saxon, being the one who can’t stay serious too long heads toward the door. “That’s a lot of deep talk for before noon. I gotta head to work, but glad to hear you’re working things out, brother. You both deserve to be happy together.” He heads out the door with a wave.
Jameson stands up. “I gotta head out too, but I’ll see y’all this evening at church. I think we could all use some huntin’ soon.” I definitely need some, especially to get the fucker who put the marks on my woman’s neck and slapped her on the cheek. I don’t want it to be quick and easy though. No, I want time with them.
Grant looks at me a minute before he speaks up. “Your dad would be proud of you, Mick. You’ve got work that you’re talented at and enjoy and you’re getting your girl. The one who anyone can see loves you as much as you love her.”
I know he’s pined for someone for years, but I know he won’t say anything about it, so I’ll ask him about Dad. “You know, you’re the second person today who’s said something that’s left me wonderin’ about Dad. He never talked about it, but was there someone before Mom?”
He sits down at his station and lets out a sigh. “Son, some things are left in the past for a reason. I will tell ya a little, but only ’cause your dad ain’t here to do it and I don’t want your mom to have to dig that up. Yeah, there was a gal that your dad was gone for. She was one of those people who was beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside. She hid it well from Mitch. She’d be sweet in front of him, but if he left the room for a minute,she’d turn up her nose at all of us. She strung him along for months, making him buy her stuff and take her places. We were broke kids really, not even twenty years old, and he spent every dollar on her. He couldn’t be talked to about her. Hell, Jonah and him had a big ole’ argument about her once, when she said some offhanded comment to Linnea. She always thought she was better than us and the club. They ended because she came home from college for Christmas, I think the second or third year in college, and announced she was engaged to someone else who her parents set her up with. Mitch never saw it coming. He tried to talk her out of it, but she said she had a future planned and being with a biker wasn’t part of it. Your dad was in a dark place after that for a while. In fact, he didn’t start to come out of it till he began spending time with your mom. I know in his head, especially when he drank too much, he would go on about her being the love of his life. I’m guessing he was an ass while drunk and would spout that shit to Romona, but I can tell you that’s a fucking lie. The way he loved your mom and would look at her when he was dead-ass sober tells me that she really was the love of his life. That other gal was just his first real serious relationship and I think he loved who hethoughtshe was, but reality was another story. I know he’d become a real asshole when he drank whiskey at home, and I’m thinking he showed that side to your mom the most and you rarely saw it. You were his pride and joy and he loved you with every ounce of who he was. He was always trying to be the best dad he could be.”
I know when he got drunk, he was mean. He usually waited till I went to bed or wasn’t home to do that kinda drinkin. I remember I came home one night my senior year of high school and foundhim bein’ meaner than a dog to Mom. It’s the only time I got in his face. The next morning, he came and found me chopping wood in the backyard and was apologetic. I remember telling him that’s not the kinda man I thought he was and if that was the real him, I didn’t want to be anything like that.
Grant gets me out of my memories. “You saw it once when you were older, didn’t ya?” I nod at him. “You boys were in high school?” I nod again, wonderin’ where he’s going with this. He nods and explains. “I think that’s about the time that Erik, Jackson, Jonah, and I walked into the clubhouse one evening and found him at the table, no drink anywhere near him but a cup of coffee. He looked like somethin’ was eating him up fierce. I remember we all grabbed a chair and waited him out. When he eventually started talking, he told us what you said to him and what he thought happened the night before. Erik, looking all sorts of pissed off at him went on a lecture for about ten minutes, telling him he needed to appreciate everything he had and that he had not only you but the love of a great woman. He told him if he didn’t shape up and cut out the whiskey, he was gonna help Romona move on if she chose to. Your dad got upset at that thought and somehow in the conversation, his ex-girlfriend got brought up. Erik always hated her and said he knew she was bad news.”
I must give him a look at that ’cause he shrugs his shoulders. “I know, I know. It’s like that whole do-as-I-say not-as-I-do kinda thing. Your dad was only with her a little over a year or so and Erik’s just finally about to finish up his divorce after twenty-something years. I can’t explain that shit. Back to what I was saying. Now, I don’t remember everything that was said, but Ido remember vividly what Erik said at the end of everything. He said, ‘The wrong one will find you in peace and leave you in pieces, and the right one will find you in pieces and lead you to peace.’” Grant takes a sip from his coffee and adds on, “He told Mitch that the person who had done that for him was your mom. After that talk and whatever you said to him that day, I don’t think he took a sip of whiskey for the rest of his life.”
He sure didn’t seem to and that’s one of the reasons I rarely drink. I don’t want to think that I could have that kind of person inside of me.
Grant finishes his coffee and goes to toss his cup away. “Enough of all this feeling talk, let’s get ready for our appointments.” I nod ’cause I couldn’t agree with him more.
Madison
So I might have soaked in my bathtub for long enough to let my fingers and toes look like raisins, but can ya blame me? I just had the most orgasms in one day I’ve ever had—hell, in one week, in the matter of minutes. Whoever said orgasms by oneself are as good as ones with someone, never had sex, ’cause good gods, that was amazing. I mean, I’m sure there are people who are bad at sex and it sucks, but Mick is definitely in the category of awesome and amazing. He’s also so purty and sexy to look at and has some of that alphaness going on. Hush, I know I’m all sexed-up and likely just basking in the afterglow, but give a barely-no-longer-virgin a break. After waiting this long, I think I’m entitled just a little bit.
I’m gonna go over to Anna’s and see Christy and Mary. I was gonna see if they wanted to go shopping with me and get them some clothes and maybe a couple of books. I grab some clothes to put on, including the only pair of leggings I have that don’t make it look like I’m smuggling cottage cheese across state lines in my pants. I know I could stand to lose a decent amount of weight, but I also know I'm never going to be a small girl. It’s just not how I’m built. Ma always said that I’m like her and have child rearin’ hips. Ma. I know I need to talk to her and Pa but I’m just not ready yet. I don’t remember being angry at them before and I’m definitely infuriated with them. Hurt too. I get why they didn’t tell me as a kid, but I’ve been an adult for a while. I don’t get why after Ma shared her story, why she didn’t tell me my history. I ain’t gonna think about that right now. I throw on my hoodie and slip on my Chucks. I grab my stuff and head out to my car to leave.
Within fifteen minutes, I’m pulling up to Anna’s place. As soon as I get out of my car, I hear voices on the porch. They’ve always had the best porch to sit on. Just as I start up the steps to the house, Anna says, “Well, to what do we owe this surprise visit?” I step up and see her with Hanna, Christy, and Mary, all sittin’ around in the rocking chairs.
I sit down in an empty chair. “I wanted to come see these two since I haven’t seen them since we all got… Well, I mean, I was wonderin’ if you might wanna go shopping for some clothes and stuff with me. Introduce you to my favorite coffee place?” I look over at Anna and continue as I nod my head toward her. “You’re invited too, of course.”
She tilts her head like she’s studying me. “No, you young ones go and have fun. Mayson’s bringing Daisy over in a bit and she and I are gonna make some cookies. Asher’s dropping Buster off so we might just spend the time playing with the dog.”
Mary speaks up. “I’d like to go with you, but we have to be back here like, what, four thirty or so?” They’ve got plans already? Before I ask she continues, “The guys who came up the mountain? The club, I guess I mean, they asked us to come to their meeting at church to answer any questions about the area to get to the guys who took you.”
Even though I was raised in the club and understood the meaning of club business, this time the only thing I can feel is anger and frustration that they’re all planning this without me or my input as to what I think needs to happen to them. I mean, they don’t even know who grabbed my neck and who smacked me because theyhaven’t fucking talked to me. Again. Hopefully, I keep the anger from hitting my face as it’s not directed at anyone here.
“We can make sure to get you back in time. We can plan to go to the outlet mall another day. I’m always up for a shopping day.” Both of them hop up to get ready and put their shoes on.
Anna is looking at me and I swear she can see through me. “You talk to your parents yet?”
I can’t help the sigh that escapes. “No. Not yet. I will, but I’m not ready to just yet. I don’t know how to put into words what I’m feeling. Like, I’m upset and I feel like maybe they didn’t tell me ’cause they think like everyone else and were worried I’d break. I just…”
