Page 7 of Madison
I thought I’d lost my phone, but it turns out that Mick found it. I turned it off when I got home ’cause I just didn’t want to deal with anyone. I needed time to sleep and think. I need to figure some shit out, and I need coffee to think clearly.
I slip my feet into my bunny slippers and head into my kitchen to get my single-cup dispenser going. I know Kierstie thinks it’s dumb that I only have it and not a real coffee maker, but it’s only me here in the mornings so I like that this gets me caffeine at thespeed I need it to. I get it going and lean against the counter to wait the minute till it's ready.
I look over to the other counter where my phone is plugged in. I can feel it mocking me. I never turn my phone off, always feeling like I need to be available for family who might need something. Huh. I didn’t leave it on thinking they’d want to talk or anything, it’s because they couldneedsomething—babysitter, errand runner, an extra day of cleaning at the clubhouse. The realization hits me. I’ve let them treat me this way.Ihave always let them turn to me for something they need. Maybe ’cause of knowing it was my fault that Rory had gone to prison and being there like that for everyone helped my guilt.Ilet that be the reason they called me.Ilet this go on.Ilet them do this and not actually ever call me just to talk or hang out.
I’ve let all this shit happen ’cause I was stuck in this rut—partly ’cause of my overwhelming guilt about my dumb choices ending up with Rory doing time, and partly ’cause the last time I did something for me and whatIwanted, the results were that everyone else was hurt. Well, fuck me. Enough is enough. Yes, most of this is my doing, but at any time, any one of my siblings could have said something, but not one of them did. Seeing them all agree with Juan, that they thought I was going to break, still hurts and I’m not ready to deal with them. I need time to figure shit out in my head.
I pour my coffee and doctor it up. I take those first few amazing sips of the caffeinated deliciousness, grab my cell, and have a seat on my comfy couch. I turn on my phone and wait for the notifications to start. I figured everyone would try and get me to talk. My phone dings only a couple of times. I look and I seethree missed calls and five texts. Only two people tried to contact me.Two. One text is from Ma.
Ma: Love you, my girl. I know you’re angry with me and have every right, but just know I love you with all my heart.
I don’t text her back. I’m not ready to deal with how she hid things from me. My whole life, when I asked her if she knew about my biological parents, she always just told me that my birth mom wasn’t ready to be a mother. I know she didn’t technically lie, but after we all learned her story, I guess I don’t get why she didn’t tell me mine. It’s not that I’m mad that I didn’t know some psycho cult leader gave me half my DNA. It’s more that Ma and Pa could lie and hide things from me like that.
I take another sip of my coffee and go to the texts from the one other person who tried to contact me. Mick.
Mick: I know you’re probably still sleeping, but I need you to know I’m here for you. You need something, anything, just ask. Even if it’s to kick your brothers’ asses. I might not survive it, but for you, I’d do it. Hopefully that made you smile a little.
He would so die if he tried to kick all their asses at once. He’d probably survive against Ry and Max, maybe even Juan if he’s distracted, but Rory
and Jon wouldn’t go down easy. The fucker did make me smile at that.
Mick: Hope you ate before you crashed out.
Mick: I’m at the shop all day, working on stuff for this week. Come by if you wanna.
Mick: You might be awake, but my guess is your phone is off or on silent. I know I said some shit at the reception… just know you are mine… as much as I’m yours. You are the person who gets me better than anyone, and I want everything with you… please talk to me… soon.
Before I can even think about what I wanna say back, another text from him comes in.
Mick: That last text wasn’t meant to pressure you, just tryin’ to do like you said and communicate better. See, I can listen!
The jerk knows how to put a smile on my face. Between his texts and the look on his face when I came out of the cabin, I know he’s got to feel at least half of what I feel for him. He’s also the only one in my world I currently feel like possibly talking to, just not right now.
Right now, I’m going to finish this coffee, take a long bath, and maybe think about getting a pet, a tattoo, or dying my hair. Yes, I’m going to avoid the things I should be thinking about. You don’t need to call me out on it. Thankfully, this place has a fantastic bathtub. It’s the main reason I moved into this place. Well, the tub and the awesome window seat that has a great view of the trees. Time for a long soak to let my brain just stop for a bit.
Mick
I’ve been trying to draw the same damn thing for the last half hour and it ain’t happening. My mind ain’t here. I reach into my pocket and pull my phone out.
A voice from behind me startles me. “If you text her again, she’s gonna add you to the list of people she ain’t talkin’ to.” Turning around on my stool, I look at Grant. Wyatt and Erik are standing next to him.
Wyatt speaks up. “He’s not wrong. How many times have you called or texted since you dropped her off?” He tilts his head like he’s studying me. “I’m guessing at least a couple of calls and at least seven or eight texts.” Ha! I’m better than he thinks. “Five times. This was gonna be six.” I can’t help but sigh and run my hand through my hair. “She just had so much thrown at her over the last bit and I’m not even talking about the kidnapping and the fucker who dared to grab her neck.” Erik leans against the counter behind him and crosses his arms as he looks at me. He’s the one who knows her the best. Hell, he probably knows me the best too. He knows more than he’s probably ever shared with anyone. He keeps his own feelings pretty bottled up.
He starts with a question. “Did she say she didn’t want to talk to you when you dropped her off?” I shake my head at him and let him continue. “She’s always been a thinker, having to mull things over in her mind. If she didn’t tell you that, then you’re probably the one she’s going to talk to first when she’s ready. I’m on her shit list, since I’m sure she assumes I knew about her bio parents. To be fair, I only knew about her birth mom.”
Grant, the one who calls me on my shit the most, chimes in, “I heard what you told her at the reception. You weren’t wrong in anything you said, but your timing and delivery wasn’t the best.” I go to speak but he puts his hand up to stop me, like he’s done so many times in my life. “Son, that’s not something to really regret. Could you have done it better and without the entire family watching? Sure, but you both have a tendency to let shit build up till it all comes pouring out of you. She does the same thing, so you’re two peas in a pod in that respect. I know you’re going to sit here, mull over shit, and possibly regret not just what you said, but how you said it. However, I want you to think about something. If you hadn’t gotten it all out, she was gettin’ close to ending things. From my understanding, nothin’s been happening between you two. Regrets are the hardest thing to live with but it’s the what-ifs that will kill you. You got out what needed to get out and if things don’t work out, it ain’t gonna be ’cause you didn’t share your frustrations and feelings.”
Wyatt, who’s been uncharacteristically quiet, adds to what Grant just laid out. “I ain’t the one with the words of wisdom like these two, Jonah, or even Jackson, but there’s one thing in life I’ve learned. This too shall pass.” I think he left out the wisdom, what is—he continues and interrupts my thinking. “That’s with everything in life. You feel angry or pissed off? This too shall pass. You feel great, you’ve got all the things going for you? This too shall pass. Everything in life passes. If you’re in a moment that’s got you worried and questioning things? Give it time. Sometimes it’s just a moment and that too shall pass. Mads ain’t gonna be mad forever, that’s not who she is. Give her some timeand she’ll come around and talk to everyone.” Well, shit. He’s kinda got a point.
“Fuck, Wyatt, you might just speak some wisdom sometimes. Jackson must be rubbing off on you after all these years.” The glare I get is one I’ve seen him give both Asher and Mayson many times over the years. Both Grant and Erik both try to hide their laughter without much luck.
Wyatt rolls his eyes and heads toward the door. “Whatever, you fuckers. When you do talk to Mads, let her know that both Christy and Mary are staying with us. Anna’s all a twitter with a houseful and they’re keeping Daisy and Buster occupied while she cooks up a storm.” He gives us a wave goodbye as he heads out the door.
Erik grabs a water bottle from the fridge as he asks me, “You have any clients today?”
I shake my head. “Nah, I was just trying to get ahead on some designs for appointments this month.” He looks at the design I’ve been working on.
“I know you ain’t gonna get any work done today. You know it too. Let’s go for a ride, get some wind in your hair. You need the road.”
