Page 8 of Madison
Before I can even think about all the shit I should be doing, Grant puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. “You ain’t got any appointments. I got no plans. I’ll stay for any walk-ins today. He’s right. You need the wind.”
Well, shit, I know better than to turn down that offer and follow Erik out back to our bikes. Time to let my mind go and just enjoy the wind.
Madison
Pulling into my driveway, I park and grab the goodies I bought after my drive. After my bath, I needed some clarity and went for a drive to the spot Pa always took me to as a kid. The view of the lake and the trees always helps give me a sense of peace. Today wasn’t as successful, but it helped. I stopped and got some food and ice cream. Again, I wish we had a place in town where I could grab a good sandwich and cookie ’cause that’s what I really want. I settled for a chicken garlic pizza and strawberry ice cream. My hips don’t need either, but my emotions do.
I head up the stairs to my door, surprised by who’s sitting there, waiting for me. Logan. “Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon or something?” He grins as he stands up. “Nah, we’re gonna go for a long weekend in a couple of weeks. Since I was off of work for so long, I don’t have the time off, and Asher isn’t one to travel that much anyway. I came to see how you were doin’. I kinda figured you were steering clear of all the Westons but thought you might talk to a friend?” He grabs the pizza box and bag from me so I can unlock the front door.
“Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise, you’re a good friend and Asher married up.” I can hear him chuckling as he follows me into the house. He’s a thinker like me and I can sense him trying to get a read on where I’m at. Problem is, I’m not sure.
“Did Jon send you here to check on me?” I know he just got his full patch a bit ago, but prospect habits die hard.
He sits down on one of the stools I have at the kitchen island. “No one sent me. I came because I could tell last night that you, my friend, were hurting. You had shit thrown at you by Mick, allyour brothers, and Kierstie. Then you get fucking kidnapped and find out that Ma and Pa hid something pretty fucking big from you.Iwanted to check on you. You were a pretty amazing friend to me just a few months ago when I needed someone to be in my corner. You need someone now and I consider you one of my closest friends. So, chica, where’s your mind at?”
Ain’t that fucking million-dollar question. I hand him a drink and try to figure out in words what’s going through my head. I look over at Logan and realize he’s probably the best to understand my train of thought, so I just take a breath and let everything just come out. “First, I was really fucking pissed at Mick, but then I realized he and I just both need to say what we want to each other and get the fuck over our lack of communication. I thought I’d be madder at him, but I realize we both made a lot of assumptions. I think it actually was good to get that shit out. I think he’s still the one I want, and I don’t feel like I need space from him. Then you have every single one of my siblings. They all either think I’m broken or so inside my head about shit that’s ancient history that none of them really talk to me. Hell, Kierstie didn’t even tell me she was seein’ Shane till she toldeveryone,and we’re supposed to be best friends. I love Jane, Shane, and Nicky. I think they're perfect for my siblings, but in all of this, I feel like I’ve lost the friendship I had with my siblings. Like I was a placeholder till they came around. I know sibling relationships change when people fall in love and get married, but I feel invisible sometimes. Am I so broken and behind everyone that no one knows how to talk to me?” I take a deep breath and my word diarrhea continues. “Then there’s this big surprise that my biological father is the leader of thiscrazy cult and my bio mom escaped him. Add to that, Ma and Pa knew the whole time. Fuck, that means Uncle Erik and all of them that age knew too. I get maybe not telling me when I was a kid, but since Ma shared their story? It’s like no one thinks I can handle or am worthy of the truth and I think that’s what hurts the most.”
Logan takes a drink of his soda and sets it down. “Well, shit. That’s a lot to unpack, girl.” He moves his hair out of his eyes and I can tell he’s trying to dissect everything I just spewed out at him. “First, I’m no relationship expert, we both know that, but I think it was necessary for you and Mick to get it all out there. You’d been dancing around each other for longer than I’ve known ya. I also think you’re both good people and deserve the love I think you could have together. It might be smart to text him back at some point, ’cause I’m guessing you’re like me and haven’t gotten out of your head enough to respond to any texts. I’ll bet anything that he’s texted you a few times already, hasn’t he?”
I nod. “Yeah a few times. He’s the only one besides Ma who’s messaged me. I think that’s just made me more upset at everyone. I’ve got six fucking siblings.Six. Not one of them messaged me to ask how I am. I know they’re all busy with their lives, but they’re sure to fucking text me when they need a favor or something. Well, I’m gonna stand my fucking ground on this one. I’m not wrong to want them to come to me, am I?”
Logan shakes his head as he serves us both a piece of pizza. “No, I don’t think you’re wrong. I think all of them are great people, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be wrong sometimes. I think they’ve gotten stuck in how they treated you and know you’realways there for them without question. I think some of them forget that you’re not that scared nineteen-year-old anymore. I know Jane did that with me for a while. Asher, I think, said something to her to make her realize what she was doing. She hasn’t bugged me about eating or anything like that since.” He takes a bite of pizza as he lets that sink in.
I finish my bite and realize I’ve already decided how I’m going to deal with my Weston siblings. “I know I need to speak up with them and I get that now, but I’m gonna be stubborn for once and wait for them to come to me. I’m happy to help my family anyway I can, but I don’t want tojustbe their help. I want actual relationships with them and to have conversations about more than just cleaning the clubhouse or running an errand. I think I need to find a job, not working for family, but somewhere I can find my passion and do what I love. Once I figure out what exactlythatis.”
Logan smiles at me like he’s just realized something. “Ya know, I think in some ways, we’re a lot more alike than we realize. I was doing what was expected of me and not loving any of it. It wasn’t till I started working with Samson and Ry that I liked a job and now I can do that and help people with the EMT position.” He takes the last sip of his soda and tilts his head, like he’s simultaneously thinking and trying to dissect me and what I want.
“You got a pen and some paper?” I nod and grab a pen and notepad out of the drawer that’s next to me. “Let’s try something I read about. Don’t sit and think. Answer with the first thought that comes to mind when you hear my questions. What is it about the jobs you have now that you like?”
I give him a smile. “I like knowing I’m helping people and making their lives just a little bit easier, even if it’s just doing their laundry or cleaning their room.”
“And what do you not like?”
“People just assuming I’m always available or not asking me what I want or like.” I watch Logan writing it all down on the notepad.
“If you could do anything in the whole world, what would it be?”
“Be a mom and help people help themselves. Like I know there are shelters and stuff for women or men who’ve left domestic violence situations, but there’s more people who need a helping hand. I’d love to do something to help them, but also people like Shandy and Brandy who just aged out of the system and weren’t really given any help after that. Or like Christy and that girl who helped us escape. I know they’ve probably never had a job, but they’ve got skills that just need to be realized. I think they all deserve a chance to make it on their own. Maybe something where they can be given a job and get a solid foundation of skills to go forward.”
The ding of an incoming text on his phone interrupts my train of thought. “Is Asher going through withdrawals?” He has this grin on his face that tells me it was definitely his new husband who texted him.
“He’s telling me he’s escaping his mom’s, heading home, and wants to know if I was home yet.” I can’t help but smile ’cause I love how much Asher loves him and the bond they have.
“You can go, you’ve helped me get outta my head. I know I need to talk to Ma and Pa, but I’m just not quite there yet. I will answer Mick.”
He stands up and hugs me. “I know you’ll figure things out. Just remember, you’ve got friends who will listen anytime. If you wanna check on Christy and Mary, they’re both staying at my in-laws’ place. Seems Anna wanted to dote on them something’ fierce.”
I squeeze him back before I let him go. “You tell that hubby of yours thanks for letting you up for air ’cause I needed this talk. More than you know.” He grins and waves his goodbye. A minute later, I hear his bike start up and head out the driveway.
I flop down on the couch and unlock my phone. No new messages, but I go to Mick’s. Before I respond, I go back and read the last few weeks of messages from him.Holy Shit.Reading each one, I can see he wants me, that he was doing what he promised and waiting till I said I was ready. I may not be sure of almost anything in my life right now, but the one thing I know is I want us. I want to be his, to start us for real.
Me: I’m sorry I didn’t text you back sooner. I was in my head, and I know I need to work on not doing that, especially when it comes to you. I was hoping you’d want to hang out tomorrow. I know you probably gotta work, but maybe after, or I can bring you lunch?
I lean back and turn on the television, planning to get lost in one of my favorite shows that I’ve seen dozens of times. I watch almost an entire episode before my phone buzzes with an incoming text.
Mick: Sorry I didn’t see your text right away, I was on my bike. Baby, I’ll see you in the morning, at lunch and after. I’ll see youwhenever you want. I’ll bring breakfast and see you before I head to the shop.
Me: Good’cause I think I’m in need of more of those kisses you gave me…honestly…
