Page 42 of Lorcan
I want to make him smile like that all the time.The thought didn’t scare me as much as it might have earlier. I squeaked the toy a third time.
He reached over and scratched my scalp.
I rested my hands on his thigh and leaned into the touch.
He continued, turning the scritches into long strokes as he feathered his fingers through my hair. “My good boy.”
My heart expanded, and I preened. I wanted to be agood boy. I wanted someone to recognize that, under my gruff exterior, lay someone who sought the approval of others. In my mind, Stephen had always provided that. In reality, upon deep reflection, I saw that wasn’t the case. His rare praise had always come with a laundry list of “except” and “if you’d only” that devalued it.
“Do you want to play some more?” Cody eyed me. “I have a ball, but I worry both about your knees and my downstairs neighbors.”
I squeezed the toy again. As much as I wanted to play fetch, he was right. Not so much about my knees—but definitely about his downstairs neighbor. I removed the toy from my mouth—mindful of the slobber. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but it’s too bad we’re not at my place. I have a ground-floor apartment.”
“With carpets?”
“Ugh. Yeah.”
He cocked his head.
“Stains.”
“We should have it steam cleaned before we play.”
I liked how he saidwe. I liked how he left open the possibility of more. I liked what we were doing. After putting the toy back in my mouth, I squeezed it.
He grinned.
I continued to do so until my jaw hurt a little. Gently, I removed it. Then hesitated.
“You can wipe it on the bathrobe. Or my sleep pants. I’m not fussy.”
Chuckling, I wiped the slobber onto the bathrobe. Then I held the toy against my chest.
He patted his knee. “Would you like a cuddle?”
I nodded vigorously. Then I turned and lay down so I could place my head in his lap. I faced away from him, but we still had a strange intimacy between the two of us. I sighed.
He stroked my hair. Then his hand drifted lazily down my shoulder, along my flank, then to my ass. He repeated the movement over and over again.
“If you keep that up, I’m liable to fall asleep.”
“Are you staying the night? Your clothes are dry, if you want to leave.”
During my shower, he’d moved the wet clothes into the dryer.
I didn’t meet his gaze. “Do you want me to stay the night?”
He feathered his fingers through my hair again. “Of course I do. I want you to feel like you’re always welcome here.”
Welcome.
Were we moving things too quickly? Should we slow down? Or was full-steam ahead the right approach?
I didn’t know. “I’d like to stay. I don’t want you to feel obliged, though.”
His fingers stilled. “I appreciate you looking out for me. I promise to never say something I don’t mean.”
“That’s a big commitment.” All the times I’d said something to Stephen that I hadn’t meant flashed to my mind.I don’t mind if we watch another superhero movie. I don’t have any needs you’re not meeting.Or, most importantly,it doesn’t matter why I have a stuffed animal and a tennis ball in the back of my drawer.Why he’d been snooping was a bit beyond me. I certainly wasn’t going to explain my intense desire to be a pup. Without a moment’s hesitation, I’d known he wouldn’t understand. He would ridicule me.
