Page 88 of Lorcan
“Do you think they’d trust us?”
He smiled. “Yes. I can’t explain how close I am to them. The five of us have really bonded. Is it a little weird that my boss is a puppy? Maybe. But it’s also so clear that’s his happy place. I’ve taken Keegan and Alaina to the movies a couple of times—to give Jai and Demetrius a break.”
“You love kids.”
He stilled.
“You want kids.”
He held my gaze.
“Cody.” I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again. “I’m fifty-three years old.”
“I know.”
“I can barely take care of myself these days.”
“You know that’s not true. And you’re not alone anymore. I know it’s going to take time for you to acknowledge that. To feel safe with the idea that I’m in it for the long haul. That I don’t care if you’re gray and your knees crack. I want you, Lorcan. From the moment I saw you, my heart was found.”
“This is—” I swallowed.
“Too much?”
I nodded.
“So we’ll take it one step at a time. You have an appointment with Justin on Tuesday?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to come? For some or all of it? Or none. You need to do what you think is best.”
“You said Justin knows.”
“Yes, I told him. Do you remember that I asked your permission?”
Slowly, I nodded. “Kids?” That might’ve come out as a squeak.
He held my gaze. “I need to make something very clear, Lorcan. Kids aren’t a deal-breaker for me. I just always thought I wanted to be a dad because I’d do so much better than my own. That I wanted to prove that I could be gayanda father. Slowly, though, that need for vengeance—if that’s even the right word—has eased.” He caressed my cheek. “Look, I’m not saying this right. You come first, Lorcan. That’s what being in a relationship means.”
“I thought it meant compromise.”I want to. I really do. But I don’t think I can.
“If you agree to have kids with me because you think it’s what I want, and it’s not what you want, then that’s far beyondcompromise. Kids are a life-altering decision. Frankly, I’ve got a lot of pressure with my job. I’m responsible for other people’s well-being. That means being focused.”
“And I unfocus you.”
He blinked. “I’m not saying that. Not at all. Far from it. I know I’m coming home at the end of the day to someone who’s supportive of me. Of my career choices. Just like hopefully you know I’m supportive of you. In every capacity.” He rubbed his face. “I didn’t see you coming, but I’ll never regret you. Regret us.”
“You’re saying that now, but you’ve got the rest of your life. And you want kids. Cody, I just—”
His phone rang. He pulled his hands from mine and checked the display. “Fuck.” He answered. “Hey, come on up.” He pressed nine, and the phone clicked off.
“They’re here?” Butterflies exploded in my belly. I still didn’t understand who Rayne and Everett were, and now I knew my lawyer was a Daddy. That was a true mind fuck.
“Yes. You’re going to be okay. Uh, why don’t yet get drinks? I think ginger ale, root beer, and fuzzy orange—just don’t ask me who goes with what.”
On that note, I laughed. “And you?”
“Actually, why don’t I offer hot chocolate? I can whip up a batch while we talk.”
