Page 9 of Lorcan
“And what’s that?” I attempted to keep my voice as neutral as possible.
“I’m a nurturer. I want to take care of people. In my profession, that means helping everyone I can. In my personal life, that means being available to help friends. I’d say family, but that’s not likely to happen. Aside from my Aunt Genessa, they cut off contact when I left for school. I have a couple of siblings I thought might respond to my overtures, but they never did. Hard to believe that homophobia can be so rampant in this day and age. Or that people who purport to love everyone can hate so thoroughly.”
Slowly, I nodded. “My husband and I faced backlash. We had to prove we were good at our jobs.”Shit. “Ex-husband. So we’re clear.”
“That’s fair.” He toyed with his glass. “I like the idea of taking care of someone, of another adult. Although I have complete respect for people who do age play, that’s not where my interest lies.”
“I’m the same.” The idea of regressing into an earlier person—be it teenager, child, or toddler—held zero appeal. “But a pup…” I gazed longingly.
“May I touch you?”
His question startled me. “Uh, sure.”
Slowly, giving me plenty of time to change my mind, he placed his hand on mine. His fingers were cool and damp—from the condensation on his drink. The sensation sent a frisson up and down my spine.
“I’m a huge believer in touch. Obviously I can’t do that with my patients, but I seek permission with people in my private life to touch when they’re comfortable.”
“You make me comfortable.”God, I hope that doesn’t sound like a line.
“That’s good to hear.” He traced the veins on the back of my hand with a finger. “Now, may I ask you a question?”
“Uh…sure…”
“What attracts you to being a puppy?”
“For a long time—” I drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “I read a book. I don’t know how I came across it. I mean, I read a lot of books—including romances. Anyway, this was a gay romance about a guy who fell in love with two best friends—who were puppies. For me, I related to the puppies. The idea of someone else being responsible—making all the decisions. Being in charge. And of me just letting go and being free to play.” I swallowed. “My husband and I owned a company and that kept us super busy. And I was stressed all the time. The only escape I had was through reading. So I grabbed every puppy book I could find and devoured them.”
“Did you tell your husband?”
I shook my head. “No way. I don’t know how I knew, but I was absolutely certain he wouldn’t have been into something like that. I thought—” I swallowed. “I thought we were equals in the business. Only, as things unraveled, did I realize how wrong I’d been.” My chest tightened. “Too fucking late.”
He squeezed my hand. “I can say something trite like time heals all wounds. Or suggest counseling to deal with these issues.”
“Almost two years should be enough time, and I can’t afford therapy.”
“That’s fair. I will say, the center where I work, Healing Horses Ranch, offers counseling sessions on a sliding scale. Two more things—one, your privacy will be absolutely respected. Obviously you wouldn’t be seeing me as a counselor—” He hesitated. “Well, if you wanted to put a stop to any potential future relationship between us and enter into a therapeutic one, that’s a possibility. But it would be a firm door closing.”
“Or?” Because now I was damn curious.
“Or I can help you find another counselor. Justin Powers is a great guy. He’s a PhD student and has a wide range of clients. Dr. Kennedy Dixon owns and runs the center. Her roster’s pretty full, but she can sometimes fit someone in. Both are open to all kinds of lifestyles and are kink friendly. Whatever you share with them would be held in the strictest of confidences. I’d never know anything.”
“Do you think that would help?” A flare of hope lit within me. I wanted to get help—was willing to do the work—but if I’d learned anything in the last couple of years, it was that I couldn’t do things on my own.
“I’m a firm believer in counseling. It doesn’t work for everyone, but many people do see the benefits. It’s hard work, though.”
“Right.”But everything good worth having in life takes hard work. Nothing’s ever going to be handed to me on a silver platter just because I want it.I gazed at the man holding my hand.Except maybe the universe is smiling down on me. Bringing me here to this man—in this moment. “I’m all ears.”
He smiled. “Great.”
Chapter Four
Cody
Imight’ve exaggerated a bit when I said I’d played before. Not an outright lie—just a bit of a stretch. I’d done some pickup play here at the club—with pups who were looking to have some fun, but not looking for a permanent owner. I kept healthy treats in my pocket—salami jerky and pumpkin kibble. In case the pup was vegetarian. But if Lorcan expected me to know everything, I’d have to be more open.
Lorcan sipped his drink. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Can you be more specific? Do you mean negotiating, or the pup thing, or a casual relationship?”
