Page 28 of The Duke and the Widow
She continued, “You will still see your brother for holidays and summers, and if you need him to visit you, I am sure he will do so. Perhaps you might even write him a letter now and then.” She hunched down and pretended that she was whispering, even though she intended for James to hear her. “He was quite a mess waiting for a letter to arrive from you two.”
William jerked his head towards James. “Is that true, Brother?”
James just nodded, still fighting to keep himself together in front of them all. “Mm-hm.”
Walter leaned forward to get William’s attention. “I think we should go back to school.”
“I do, too,” William replied, then looked at James again. “Is that all right, Brother? Can we still go back to school after all, if we promise we will write to you each week?”
James grinned, and it warmed Rosina’s full heart. “Of course. I’ll expect those letters, though.”
Unexpectedly, the boys each wrapped their arms around her. She patted them as best as she could with her arms pinned.
“Are you going to marry James?” William asked. “We heard him ask you.”
“I…uh…I’m uncertain.” She also wasn’t certain what to say or how she felt about the matter. The advice she had given to the boys could directly apply to herself, but could she throw caution to the wind and give her heart to James?
“Don’t you love him?” Walter asked.
“Boys,” James called out in warning.
Walter ignored his brother’s warning. “If you married James, you wouldn’t have to be sad about your first husband any longer.” If only it were that simple.
“And James wouldn’t be so lonely waiting for our letters,” William added. “And you could keep an eye on him and make sure he’s safe.”
She put her arms around each of them, finding that the two boys were quite easy to become attached to. “Are you trying to say that you wish for me to marry your brother?”
“Yes!” the boys said in unison.
“Boys,” James said, rising from his seat. “I won’t have you pressuring the lady to marry me. If she does so, it will be because of her own choice. Now let’s get you two back to bed so I might discuss the matter with her privately.”
He waved them to him. They each gave Rosina a quick hug before they followed their brother to the door. James glanced back over his shoulder at her. “Wait here. Please.”
It was her chance. She could escape to her chamber and lock her door and never have to face him again if she wished. But she didn’t want to. And that revelation was enough to aid in her choice to stay. To see if she might overcome her own fear.
James returned a few moments later and locked the door behind him after he entered.
“I’m really sorry about that,” he said, crossing the room to take a seat beside her on the settee.
“Don’t be. They are wonderful boys.”
He took her hand in his. “They adore you. I can’t say I blame them.”
The silence hung between them for a few moments until he finally spoke again. “Why did you say no to my offer?”
“I’m afraid.” It was the simplest, truest answer.
He pulled her closer and moved his arm around her. She noted how she wasn’t even tempted to move away and instead sank into him, absorbing all the love that radiated from his touch.
“What are you afraid of, sweetheart?”
“Everything,” she whispered. “I’m afraid that the more of my heart I give to you that it will completely erase the memory of Ry. And I’m afraid that you will be upset that I could love you and still have days where I miss him. He wasn’t just my husband, James, he was my best friend. As much as I know I can’t control such things, I’m also afraid I will allow myself to love you completely and then you will be taken away from me, too.”
James cupped both of her cheeks with his hands. Tears streamed down them and were caught by his thumbs. “I would never ask you to forget about him or the part of your life that you shared. I’m not so insecure in my affection for you that I don’t understand the complexity of the matter. Loving him made you the woman that I love. I just hope you will allow us a chance at happiness, and perhaps make some room in your heart to love me, too.”
She began to cry, and he pulled her against him, holding her so lovingly that it only made her weep harder. “I do love you, James,” she sobbed into his coat.
He rubbed her back and let her cry. “I’m sorry I broke our rules, but I’m not sorry that I fell in love with you,” he said softly. When she sat up to look at him through her lashes, he wiped her eyes for her. “Does that mean you will marry me?”
