Page 56 of The Press Secretary's Passion
“I have my ways,” he tells me as he stalks into the room.
“I think you should tell me what those ways are,” I say out loud and then think,so I can stop them.
“Not yet,” he says. “Come here.”
“No.”
“I’m really thinking you should come here,” he says gently.
“No.”
“Then I’ll come to you,” he says, taking another step closer.
“No!” I blurt.
“Why not?” Ryan asks casually as he stills his movements. He’s totally in tune with me, and I equal parts love it, because no one has ever completely seen me like he does, and hate it, because he sees everything, and I can hide nothing.
“Kids!” I practically word vomit on the rug in front of me and wish I hadn’t shown something so important to me, but Gil’s words ring in my head. Ryan is twelve years older than me with two mostly grown children. He isn’t going to want to have babies with me, not that we’re there in our relationship.
“What about kids?” he asks me. Actually, maybe this is good. Maybe I can make him see we’re a bad match and he needs to walk away, that we have to end this dangerous game we’re playing before my heart is engaged as much as my body is and I can’t take it back.
“You have them,” I explain.
“Yeah,” he says, and I don’t take notice that his body went dangerously still. He’s alert and waiting to see what I say next. I should have paid more attention that I was on precarious waters in a dinghy.
“You have them,” I push on. “You’ve already raised them. I want them. Someday. Maybe soon, I don’t know. But you’ve already done that. So you see? We have to break up.”
“What?” he asks. “Why?”
“Because,” I explain again. “You’ve already done that. I haven’t. So we can’t be together, because I want them. I’m going to adopt. I don’t need a man to adopt.”
“What about a sperm donor?” he asks, and I shrug my shoulders.
“I could do that too. I haven’t thought it all out yet.”
“What about me?”
“What about you?”
“Baby, you’ve had my cum inside you more times than I can count,” he explains in his usual brutality.
“What?” I gasp.
“Not once have we used protection,” he explains. “You could be carrying my baby in your belly right now.”
“What?” I shout.
“And that wouldn’t be a bad thing.”
“Stop talking,” I order, but he doesn’t listen. Ryan never listens.
“Baby, I was either in the field or overseas while Kristen was raising our kids,” he says gently. “That’s a big part of why our marriage failed, and I have not hidden those truths from you. But I would do it again in a heartbeat for the chance to get to be more involved. If it was with you.”
“What?” I gasp as he steps closer.
“I think we need to get a few things straight,” he says as he carefully pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me.
“Like what?” I whisper.
