Page 101 of The Wedding Ranch
He looked up but didn’t see anything. He lifted the feather, holding it between his fingers.
“What are you trying to tell me, Valerie?”
He sat there for a long time not knowing what he expected, until he began to walk back to the truck. “I needed one more goodbye. I miss you both.”
He drove home in complete silence.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Lorri packed her things to go spend time with her parents on this anniversary of Jeff’s death. Unsure if she’d stay the night or not, she packed Mister up and took him with her. He was a comfort to have nearby, and he was good in the car. He usually laid in the back, but today she spread a sheet in the passenger seat and let him sit up front with her. He didn’t look all that comfortable. He was so big that he sat hunched over. After his chin bumped the dash a couple of times, he climbed onto the floorboard with his body leaning over the seat and chin on the center console.
With one hand on the wheel and the other on Mister’s head, she turned on the cruise control.
Mom and Dad weren’t expecting her. They’d begged her to come spend time with them on this anniversary every year since Jeff died, but she’d never seen the point. It was so hard to watch her parents so broken over something Jeff brought on himself.
It was different this year though. Compassion for Jeff cameeasy today. Jeff was their son. Their grief was real, and for the first time she really understood and acknowledged their feelings. They still loved Jeff. Seeing and understanding Ryder’s grief had changed her perspective. Losing a child had to be the worst trauma a parent could ever experience. No matter how or why that loss occurred, the pain lingered.
Even though the short time she’d spent with Ryder had all turned into one big mess, she learned a lot of things about herself while they were together.
She headed north on the highway, thinking about how different she felt about this day than she had last year.I’ve been selfish. The next time I stand in judgment of something or someone, I pray I recognize it and can find empathy and compassion.
At Jeff’s funeral she’d been so angry with him she could barely speak to anyone. She held Mom as she wept, but Lorri’s heart hadn’t been there for her.
Lorri had never forgiven Jeff for all the things he’d put their family through, and she had held on to that grudge. Her folks couldn’t even express their sorrow without her throwing her two cents in.
She blinked away a tear.I’m so sorry.
Ashamed, she didn’t know how she’d make it up to Mom and Dad, but she’d find a way. She pulled into the driveway, prepared to somehow do that. This house was much smaller than their house in Raleigh, but it was updated and charming. Today the special wreath that Mom had made in Jeff’s honor hung on the door.
Her parents had clung to hope. Each thing that happened, the next arrest, injury, or episode they thought might be whatcould help Jeff find his way again, but that tomorrow never happened. Even when Jeff hocked Dad’s irreplaceable collection of pocket watches, they’d recovered the few that could be tracked down and spent more money keeping him out of jail and sending him to rehab.
Dad had been so hurt. One of those watches had belonged to his grandfather, another had been left to him by his best friend. They’d served in the army together. You couldn’t replace those things.
There came a point when her parents quit telling her about the trouble he was in, knowing her response wouldn’t be what they wanted to hear.
But on this visit, she held kindness in her heart. She couldn’t have a special friendship with Ryder, but she could repair the strain that she’d caused in her family.
She stood on the porch ready to knock, but something made her pause. Every flower and piece of greenery in that wreath had been lovingly tied into place.Jeff, I loved you. You were my brother. I’m sorry your life was so hard. I wish there’d been something I could have done to change that for you.
Tears fell, almost taking her breath. In the years since his death, she hadn’t shed a tear for him. Now they came in waves. She sat on the porch step. Her hands over her face, she leaned forward sobbing.
The door behind her opened. “I thought I heard a car.” Mom sounded so cheerful. “I’m so glad you came.”
She couldn’t stop crying.
“Lorri?” Mom stepped outside and sat next to her. “Honey, what’s the matter?”
Mister pushed his nose to Lorri’s shoulder.
Lorri turned into her mom’s warm embrace.
“I’m here for you.” Mom pushed Lorri’s hair back from her face. “It’s okay. I have no idea what this is all about, but that doesn’t matter. This family gets through everything.”
That only turned the squeeze on Lorri’s heart tighter. She hadn’t been a very positive part of this family for a long time.And here I was judging Jeff.“Mom. I’ve been selfish. I’m so sorry.”
“What do you think you’ve done?”
Lorri sniffled back the tears, wiping them from her cheeks with her fingers. She heard the screen door open. “There you are. Aren’t y’all chilly? Why are you—”
