Page 170 of Hockey Bois
“What’s wrong?” Nick asked.
The seconds ticked by painfully.
“Do you even still want me?” Brady asked quietly. He pushed his beer bottle around on his cardboard coaster, stiff and stained from constant re-use, and pointedly didn’t look at Nick.
Nick quirked his head to the side. “Huh?”
“I’m not the guy you think I am. I’m not… I’m noteasyto date. I freeze half the time when you try to hold my hand in public. I don’t know how to be in a relationship that other people know about. I fuckingran to another statebecause someone called me your boyfriend. Is it even worth it to you anymore? AmIeven worth it to you anymore?”
So far in his life, Nick had had the good fortune never to have his heart broken. He’d had messy break-ups and he’d been hurt, but it’d never messed with his equilibrium long term. A week moping, maybe two if he really liked the guy, and then he was himself again. He used to joke that the Caps getting kicked out of the playoffs hurt more than his love life.
Now, though? Now his heart was breaking listening to Brady talk about himself like he wasn’t worth the effort of being with.
“Can I hug you right now?” Nick asked, keeping very still to stop himself from springing on Brady and tackling him to the ground. “Because I think we both need a hug right now, but I don’t wanna… Ifyoudon’t want—”
Brady looked up at him, stunned. “You can.” Then he swallowed. “Hug me. If you want.”
With telegraphed movements, Nick slowly got off his stool, crossed the gap between them, and wrapped his arms around Brady. Brady was stiff for a beat until his body shuddered through a silent sob and he relaxed into the hug. He buried his face in Nick’s chest, worked his arms around Nick’s waist, and grabbed fists full of Nick’s shirt.
It wasn’t so much a hug as Brady tethering himself to Nick; Nick’s heart swelled. He laid his chin on Brady’s head and rubbed soothing circles into his back, a wordless promise ofI hear you, I understand you, and I still care about you. “Don’t ever think you’re not worth it,” Nick said. “You’re allowed to be a real person. It won’t make me care about you any less. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise.”
Someone shouted as the pinball machine stole his dollar, and Brady and Nick separated. Nick settled back in his seat, though not before moving it closer so their legs could tangle together beneath the bar.
“So,” Brady said after coughing through a lump in his throat, “you can kinda see why I avoided starting anything with you for a while.”
“Yeah,” Nick said on a sigh. Then he smiled wide, “But you wanted to.”
Brady rolled his eyes affectionately. “You fishing for compliments? Yeah, I wanted to. Ireallywanted to. Fuck, I knew the minute I met you.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Nick winked. “And right back at you.”
This time Brady grabbed his face and pushed him away playfully. “You’re theworst.”
“Uh huh.” He knocked Brady’s hand away. “I totally am. Too bad that you kinda like me anyway.”
“I do kinda like you,” Brady confessed with wide, earnest eyes. Nick already knew, but it made him ridiculously happy to hear it. “That’s why we’re here.”
“Then whyweren’tyou here?” he asked. The hurt of being abandoned was in his voice, and he felt suddenly as raw as he had when he’d woken up that morning alone. “I think I get it, but I want to makesureI get it.”
“Because I’ve never been in a real relationship with a guy,” Brady blurted out as though he’d lose his nerve if he didn’t word vomit as quickly as possible. “Didn’t think I ever would be. Didn’t care to admit that maybe that’s what we’ve been doing the past few months.”
“And so someone suggesting we’re boyfriends…”
“I had to think,” Brady hastily said, the wordboyfriendclearly not one he could handle yet, even just between them.
“Were you thinking of how to get out of it…?”
Brady looked down and gulped. “Maybe? It wasn’t the only thing I thought about, but yeah, it crossed my mind.”
“Why the sudden change of heart? You miss me that much?” he tried to joke, but it didn’t feel like a joke.
“Kind of,” Brady admitted. Nick almost smiled; Brady might have left, but at least he’d wanted to come back. “I like what we have, and as much as it freaks me the fuck out that wehavesomething and peopleknowabout it, I don’t want to lose it. And like… you haven’t once treated me the way those shitheads in high school did. The worst that’s happened is I chickened out and we were both miserable, but no one was angry, and no one said awful things about the other, and no one had to get kicked off the team or whatever, and no one got injured.”
“I’m glad you agree I’m more mature than those asshats.”
Brady rolled his eyes. “I mean, I’ve also seen videos of you wrestling a pig on your grandpa’s farm, so don’t pretend you’rethatmature.”
“That pig had it coming!”
