Page 2 of Certified Pressure 4
He smiled, a calm smile that broke me even more. “You didn’t lose me, Daddy. I’m right here.” He pointed to my chest. “You keep me right there.”
Before I could speak, the sky around us flickered, the gold light brightenin’ and dimmin’ like a heartbeat. I heard the voices again, louder this time.
“He’s coming back! We got him!”
My hands started slippin’ through Kamir’s little shoulders like smoke. Panic shot through me. I tried to grab him, but my fingers couldn’t hold on. “Kamir! Wait! Don’t go, son!”
He laughed a soft, innocent laugh that sounded like sunshine. “It’s okay, Daddy. Go see my brother. He waiting for you.”
The light burst white all around me, and suddenly my chest burned. Pain ripped through me like fire, and I could hear the rush of people shouting.
“He’s got a pulse!”
But I could still see Kamir’s smile through the light. He was standin’ there, calm and peaceful, like he was protectin’ me. Half of me wanted to stay here with him where it was quiet and warm, but I could hear voices on the other end cryin’ out to me. The shit was wild.
The world kept pullin’ me two ways. Every time I tried to move toward Kamir, I felt the pull of familiarity. My body was tryna fight, but my soul ain’t know which way to go.
Kamir took a small step toward me, his figure glowin’ in the light. “Don’t be scared, Daddy,” he said gently. “You gonna be okay.”
“I don’t wanna leave you,” I said, my chest heavin’.
He smiled again, his curls glowin’ like fire under the golden sky. “You not leavin’ me, Daddy. You just gotta grow up. Then you can come see me later.”
That was all it took. The tears came back hard. I nodded, whisperin’, “I love you, Kamir. Always.”
“I love you more,” he said, grinnin’ that same little-boy grin. Then he turned and ran off into the light until I couldn’t see him anymore.
The next thing I knew, the light faded into hospital white. I could hear the machines beepin’, doctors shoutin’, and someone sayin’ my name. My eyes opened just enough to see blurry faces leanin’ over me. My body was heavy, but I could feel my chest movin’.
Then I heard somebody shout, “FLATLINE!”
Everything went silent again.
The white turned back into gold, and I was on my knees in that same field, lookin’ up at the sky. My arms was empty, but I could still feel Kamir’s warmth against my chest. I looked toward the light and whispered, “I’m tryin’, lil’ man. I’m tryin’.”
And then, somewhere far away, a voice cracked through the silence—it was Pluto’s voice, cryin’ out my name like she was callin’ me home.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
When I reached the mansion, I rushed inside and began falling apart before I could even close the door behind me. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely grab the handle. I could still smell the gunpowder on my fingers, and my ears were ringing from the sound of the shots. Everything felt like it was spinning, and I couldn’t shut it out. I just kept hearing Pressure calling me, even though he wasn’t here.
My heart was pounding hard against my chest as I stumbled through the foyer, my heels clicking against the marble until I kicked them off. I didn’t even feel human right now. Sweat was dripping down my back and the sides of my face, making my hair stick to my skin. My makeup was smudged and wet, andI could taste the salt of it when it slid across my lips. My lips were trembling, and the dress clung to me so tight it felt like it was trying to choke me. I couldn’t breathe in it. My skin was hot, my chest was tight, and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. My adrenaline was pumping so hard it made my whole body feel like it was vibrating. I couldn’t even think straight. My mind was spinning so fast that everything around me looked blurry.
I kept whispering to myself that this wasn’t real, and that maybe I imagined all this bullshit. I thought that maybe I just snapped and dreamed it all up, but deep down I knew I didn’t. The fucking flashes wouldn’t stop. I could see the look on Pressure’s face when he realized what I’d done to him. I could still see the shock in his eyes, the blood spreading across his chest, and the way his body fell like time just gave up on him. The sound of it rang through my head until I couldn’t take it anymore. I pressed both hands against my head and screamed, the sound breaking out of me so hard it bounced off every wall in the mansion, but it still didn’t make it stop.
I knew I had to move. I couldn’t let anybody see me like this. I hurried down the long hallway toward the elevator, dragging the bottom of my wedding dress across the floor. My fingers clawed at the fabric, ripping it away from my body piece by piece. I pulled off the veil first, throwing it behind me, then unzipped the back of the dress, letting the straps fall off my shoulders as I walked. I felt like I was peeling off everything fake about my life.
By the time I reached the elevator, the dress was halfway off. I leaned against the wall and kicked it away from my legs, standing there in nothing but my bra and panties, shaking and gasping for air. My hands were trembling so bad I could barely press the button. When the elevator doors slid open, I stepped inside and pressed for the top floor. my reflection in the gold panel stared back at me like I was a stranger.
Tears rolled down my face as the doors closed, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop seeing Pressure. Every time I blinked, he was there, lying on the ground, gasping for air. I could still smell his cologne mixed with the gun smoke. I could still see the way his body moved when the bullets hit. It played it in my head over and over like it was stuck there, and the more I tried to block it out, the louder it got. I loved that man more than anything, and I still pulled the trigger.
I really shot him…
When the elevator doors opened, my phone started ringing, and the sound hit me like a slap. For a second, I just stared at it. Toni Roc’s name lit up across the screen, and my stomach dropped so hard I thought I was gonna be sick. My hands were still shaking so bad I almost dropped the phone.
I didn’t know if I should answer or let it ring. My mind was racing in every direction, trying to figure out what she knew, if she knew anything, or if she was just calling to check on me because she felt sorry for me. At the same time, Toni was with Kay’Lo, and Kay’Lo was Pressure’s cousin, so if she knew anything, then that meant his whole family probably knew too.
My chest got tight, and I pressed the phone against my leg, watching it light up again while my heart pounded. I didn’t want to answer, but at the same time I couldn’t ignore it. I needed to know what was being said, what was happening and how bad it was. My fingers hovered over the screen for a second before I finally swiped to answer, whispering a shaky, “Hello?”
