Page 31 of Certified Pressure 4
Pluto smiled. “He definitely is.”
Dr. V. looked up at her. “Hi Pluto. I’ve heard so much about you.”
Pluto tilted her head with a grin. “All good things, I hope.”
“Of course,” Dr. V. said warmly.
I leaned back on the couch, watchin’ the two of ‘em. It felt good, seein’ my world sittin’ in one room. A year ago, I couldn’t even picture myself in therapy, let alone bringin’ my woman and my son into it.
Dr. V. finally handed Prestyn back and gestured for us to sit. “It’s good to see you, Pressure. It’s been a while since our last session.”
“Yeah,” I said, settlin’ into the chair beside Pluto. “Been meanin’ to come back. Life just… been movin’ fast.”
She nodded, foldin’ her hands in her lap. “I can only imagine, but the phone calls have been good enough. How are you feeling? Physically and emotionally?”
I glanced down at my son, who was starin’ up at me like he already knew what I was about to say. Then I looked at Pluto. Her eyes were soft, and patient. I kissed her cheek, then kissed Prestyn’s forehead. “I been good,” I said. “Blessed. I’m just happy to be alive.”
Dr. V. smiled. “You look like it. You’re glowing. How’s the healing process going?”
I shrugged. “I’m cool. I been doin’ the treatments, takin’ my vitamins, eatin’ right. Been workin’ out some too. Honestly, it don’t even feel like I got shot.”
She smiled faintly. “That’s good to hear, but sometimes the physical healing happens faster than the emotional part.”
I looked at her, knowin’ what she was gettin’ at. Before she could say anything else, she asked, “Are you comfortable opening up today? Especially with Pluto here?”
I looked at Pluto again. She was lookin’ right back at me, her eyes full of love and calmness. I reached out and brushed my thumb across her hand. “Yeah,” I said. “I’m done runnin’ from shit. She supposed to be here. She need to see me deal with it, not hide from it.”
Dr. V. nodded slow. “That’s very honest of you. So let’s talk about it. How have you really been processing everything that happened with Kashmere?”
I leaned back in my seat, exhalin’ slow. “I’m dealin’ with it,” I said at first, my voice low.
Dr. V. ain’t push, but just watched me quietly. That’s what I liked about her. She ain’t force nothin’ out of me. She just waited until I was ready.
After a minute, I shook my head. “It’s crazy, though. Some days I think about her, and I’m like, damn, she really did that. She really pulled that trigger on me. And it’s wild ‘cause I don’t even hate her like I probably should. A part of me feel like… I get it. I was fuckin’ up. I was tryna play both sides, tryna please everybody but myself. I told her I loved her, but my heart was already gone. It was with Pluto.”
Pluto’s hand squeezed mine, and I could feel her eyes on me.
Dr. V. nodded. “You sound like a man who’s trying to make peace with something that wasn’t peaceful. Do you feel like you’ve forgiven her?”
I thought about it for a second. “Forgiven? I don’t know ‘bout all that. I don’t wish nothin’ bad on her, but she stole somethin’ from me. I had to learn how to breathe again, walk again, sleep again. She took somethin’ from my son too. He almost ain’t have a father to come home to, and I’ll never forget that.”
Dr. V. leaned forward slightly. “Do you blame yourself for what happened?”
That question hit harder than I wanted it to. I looked down at my hands for a second. “Yeah,” I said finally. “I knew what I was doin’. I knew what kind of woman she was, but I still played with her heart. I wasn’t tryin’ to, but I thought a lot about it. That’s on me. I shoulda been real. Instead, I had her thinkin’ she had a future with me when my soul was already tied somewhere else.”
Dr. V. nodded slowly. “That’s accountability, Pressure. But there’s a difference between accountability and guilt. Guilt keeps you trapped in the past. Accountability helps you move forward.”
I let her words sink in. Pluto rubbed her thumb across my knuckles, and that lil’ motion felt like a reminder that I wasn’t alone in this shit.
Dr. V. looked between us. “Pluto, how are you holding up through all this?”
Pluto took a breath before speakin’. “It’s hard,” she admitted. “Kashmere was my best friend. We went through everything together. When all this happened, I kept thinking about what I could’ve done differently. I feel like… we all made a mess of it, and now, I’m trying to learn how to forgive her without hating her.”
Her voice started to break a lil’, and I slid closer, kissin’ the top of her head. “You good, baby,” I said softly. “You got every right to feel that way.”
Dr. V. smiled gently. “You both are doing the work. Healing isn’t perfect. It’s messy, and it’s emotional, but you’re showing up for each other. That’s what matters.”
I nodded, lettin’ her words sink in.
