Page 5 of Certified Pressure 4
Abeni reached over and placed her hand on my shoulder. Her touch was soft, but it carried pain. “He’s at peace now,” she whispered.
But I didn’t want peace. I wanted him breathing, talking, holding me, and telling me I was his. I wanted him here with me and his unborn son.
The pastor’s voice echoed faintly in the background, talking about God’s plan and how we can’t question it. I wanted to scream that I was questioning it, because how could God take him now, after everything we went through just to find each other again?
Renza’s voice cracked as he called Pressure’s name one last time, and that’s when it hit me that this was real. There wasn’t going to be another moment, another chance or another “I love you” from him. This was it.
The ushers started moving toward the casket, signaling that it was time to close it. I shook my head without realizing it. “Wait,” I said, my voice barely there. I leaned closer, my tears falling faster. “Please, not yet.”
Kojo moved closer to Abeni, his face blank but his eyes full of pain. He didn’t say a word. He just watched his son one last time before lowering his head and whispering something I couldn’t make out.
I kissed my fingers and pressed them against Pressure’s lips. “I’ll always love you,” I said lowly.
When they closed the glass lid, it sounded final. The sound echoed in my ears like it sealed the rest of my life with it. I held Prestyn tighter and cried until my chest hurt.
Everything around me started to fade. Then everything went black…
I gasped and sat up, my heart racing, and my face wet. For a second, I didn’t know where I was. It took me a few seconds to realize I was still in the hospital.
The tears kept coming even though I didn’t know why. My body was shaking, and when I looked down, I saw Prestyn sleeping on my chest, his tiny hand resting against me. He wasso small, so peaceful, and he was breathing. I wiped my face, trying to pull myself together.
I looked around the room, my heart still pounding, and everything came rushing back; The birth, the drama and the news about Pressure being shot. He wasn’t gone, but was fighting for his life somewhere in this same building.
I kissed the top of Prestyn’s head and whispered, “You’re okay, baby. You’re okay.”
My voice was soft and shaky, but I needed to say it out loud for both of us.
The weight of the dream was still sitting on me like it had really happened. I couldn’t get the image of Pressure in that casket out of my head. It felt too real.
I looked out the window at the dark sky. The stars looked faint, like they were barely holding on. “Please, God,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “Please don’t let that dream mean anything.”
Deep down, I already knew who pulled that trigger. I didn’t need anyone to tell me, and I didn’t need cameras or witnesses.
It was Kashmere, and if Pressure didn’t make it, nothing on this earth would stop me from making her pay for what she did.
I looked back at Prestyn and ran my thumb across his cheek. His little lips moved even though he was still asleep. I wanted to believe that Pressure could feel him, and that somehow, wherever he was, he knew his son was waiting.
I closed my eyes and prayed harder than I ever had before. “God, please bring him back to us,” I whispered. “He’s not done yet.”
Trill-Land Royal Care Hospital
When I opened my eyes, all I saw was my family. For a minute, I ain’t even know if I was dead or alive. The lights was bright as fuck, my chest was hurtin’ like a muthafucka and everything around me looked blurry like I was underwater. My body felt heavy, my throat dry, and every time I tried to breathe, it burned. I blinked slow, tryna make sense of where I was, and that’s when I saw my mama.
She was right beside the bed with one hand coverin’ her mouth and the other grabbin’ the rail like she couldn’t believe what she was seein’. Tears was sittin’ in her eyes, and she was whisperin’ somethin’ I couldn’t make out. Behind her, my pops was standin’ tall, but I could see it in his face. He was fightin’ tears too. Pops don’t cry, but when he looked down at me, Isaw his jaw move and his eyes water. That was his version of breakin’.
Kay’Lo was leaned against the wall lookin’ rough, his eyes red and puffy like he ain’t slept in days. Renza was sittin’ in the chair beside him and Blaqson with his head hangin’ low and his hands rubbin’ his face over and over. My cousins, aunties, uncles—all them faces I grew up seein’ was packed inside the room. Both sides of my family came deep, Trill-Land royalty and all, just standin’ there, watchin’ me like they was scared if they blinked, I would disappear.
I tried movin’ but pain shot through my chest so bad it felt like I got hit all over again. Both my arms was bandaged up, and I could see the IV line stickin’ outta my hand. My leg was lifted up, and wrapped tight. Everything hurt. My lungs, my ribs, even my heartbeat. I remembered it all, though. Every damn thing from the look on Kashmere’s face, the flash from the gun and the way the heat ripped through my body and dropped me where I stood.
My mama saw me flinch and rushed over. “Baby, don’t move, you hear me? You’re going to hurt yourself.”
I licked my lips, tryna talk, but my voice came out dry and rough. “I’m good, Ma.”
She shook her head, cryin’ harder now. “Well, I’m not good. You scared us half to death.”
I tried to smile for her, but it hurt too bad. Pops stepped closer, lookin’ down at me, and for a second, he didn’t say a word. He just stared, his eyes glistenin’. Then his hand started shakin’, and my mama reached over to rub his back. Seein’ that shit did somethin’ to me. Pops don’t break. He was the one that built me, taught me how to move, and how to take control, but right now, all that strength melted off him. I ain’t never wanted to be the reason my old man looked like that.
I wanted to tell them both I was sorry for puttin’ them through this shit, and how I was sorry for every dumb thing I ever did that brought me here. But I couldn’t even get the words out. I just nodded slow.
