Page 35 of Certified Pressure 4
“Thank you,” I managed to say, keeping my eyes low so she wouldn’t see the guilt sitting behind them.
She smiled and reached out, placing her hand on top of mine. “You don’t gotta thank me, girl. I told you, we family now.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. I appreciate it, for real.”
She gave my hand a light squeeze before standing up. “A’ight, I’mma let you get some sleep. I’m off tomorrow, so I’ll make breakfast. You like pancakes?”
I forced a small laugh. “Love ‘em.”
“Perfect,” she said, smiling again as she walked to the door. “Sleep good, Jayla.”
When the door closed behind her, I didn’t move. I just sat there, staring at the empty space she’d left. My heart was heavy in my chest, and for a moment I thought about getting up, telling her the truth, and letting her know everything before it got worse. But the words never came. Instead, I buried my face in my hands and let out a long, shaky sigh.
The sound of her humming in the kitchen floated down the hall, and the guilt hit me all over again. I knew I had crossed a line that couldn’t be uncrossed. But deep down, under the shame and the regret, there was still that pull, that twisted, selfish piece of me that wanted to feel wanted again, even if it meant hurting somebody who didn’t deserve it.
That was the part of me I couldn’t shake, and that part that always showed up when I thought I had changed. It was that part that ruined everything good before I even had a chance to do better.
Greystone City
For the past two days, me and Kay’Lo had been spendin’ time in my city. He had us laid up in a big four-bedroom Airbnb with a pool in the back, and he’d been spoilin’ the hell outta me. Every day it was somethin’ new. If I said I wanted it, he made sure I had it. We’d been shoppin’, hittin’ the spa, and layin’ up makin’ love like two people that ain’t had each other in months. Every night before I went to sleep, he told me he loved me and called me beautiful, and it wasn’t just words. I could feel it in the way he looked at me, touched me, and made me laugh. I ain’t never been loved like this before, not in no loud or performin’ way, but in a way that made me feel safe.
Today was my cousin Sha’Nelle’s twenty-sixth birthday, and she decided to throw somethin’ at the park. That was so like her,to do somethin’ different but still ghetto fabulous. She wanted balloons, music, and barbecue smoke in the air, and that’s exactly what she got. Me and Kay’Lo pulled up in his rented black Corvette with the top down, music bumpin’ and the wind hittin’ my hair while I held onto his arm. He always made an entrance without even tryin’.
The park was lit. Kids was runnin’ around, people was drinkin’, smokin’ weed, and old folks was sittin’ under the pavilion talkin’ loud like they couldn’t hear each other. I spotted Sha’Nelle’s big “26” balloon tied to one of the tables and could already hear her laughin’ from halfway across the park.
Decorations was everywhere, plates stacked up, foil pans filled with ribs, baked beans, and macaroni. It was a real family function that was messy, loud, and full of love at the same time.
When we got out the car. Kay’Lo grabbed my hand. He had on a crisp white tee that hugged his chest, light jeans, and his jewelry shinin’ every time the sun hit him. His chains shined, his watch caught the light, and his dark shades made him look untouchable. He had that type of energy that made people look twice, and it wasn’t even just his looks, but it was also his presence. He had that confidence that said he was somebody, and it showed in every step he took.
I could feel eyes on us while we walked across the grass. Some of Sha’Nelle’s friends paused their conversation just to watch. A few smiled at him, the type of smiles bitches give when they see somethin’ they know they can’t have but still wanna look. I felt that lil’ wave of jealousy rise in me, but it wasn’t loud. I just squeezed my nigga’s hand tighter and kept walkin’.
When I spotted Sha’Nelle, I lifted my voice. “One time for the birthday bitch!”
She turned around grinnin’, already drunk off tequila. “Aye, my cousin Toni done showed up!” she hollered, throwin’ her arms out. We hugged tight, both of us laughin’.
She looked at Kay’Lo and smiled wide. “What’s up, Cuz? You still treatin’ my girl right?”
Kay’Lo gave that half grin that made every woman melt. “You know I am.“
Sha’Nelle smiled. “Come get y’all some food. Aunt Reesie made her famous ribs.”
We followed her over to the tables, and I could feel the tension before I even sat down. Some of my cousins gave me them fake smiles while lookin’ at my nigga a lil’ too long. My long distance family whispered low to each other, and I knew what it was. They wasn’t expectin’ me to pull up with no man that looked like Kay’Lo. My family had always looked at me like the wild one, the black sheep. But sittin’ next to him now, drippin’ in diamonds and designer, I could feel they envy mixed with confusion.
Kay’Lo ain’t pay that shit no mind, though. He wrapped his arm around me, kissed my cheek, and nodded at whoever made eye contact with him. He wasn’t tryna impress nobody, but was just bein’ him, and that was what made him stand out even more. I sat on his lap, leanin’ back into him while he rolled a blunt. The smell of barbecue, cologne, and weed mixed in the air.
We’d been here for about thirty minutes before I noticed somethin’. My stomach dropped the second my eyes caught my uncle Darnell’s face. He was sittin’ under one of the canopies with his sons Daze, Kion, and Deuce, laughin’ and eatin’ ribs like he ain’t have demons. My cousins looked older, bigger and louder than I remembered. They was my age now, all in their early twenties, and all full of that same cocky energy that came from the men in our family.
Kay’Lo must’ve felt me tense up ‘cause he stopped what he was doin’. “You good, baby?” he asked, his voice low enough that only I could hear.
I nodded, then leaned in and rested my chin on his shoulder. My voice dropped to a whisper. “That dude that just walked past,” I said softly. “That’s my uncle Darnell. The one I told you about.”
Kay’Lo froze. His hand, the one holdin’ the lighter, stopped mid-air. I could feel the change in him right away. His energy shifted like a storm movin’ in. He ain’t say nothin’ at first. He just looked in the direction I glanced, and I knew what he was thinkin’.
I slid my hand up his arm. “Kay’Lo,” I whispered. “Don’t, please.”
He turned his head just a lil’, his jaw flexin’. “You tellin’ me that nigga right there?” he asked low.
“Yeah,” I breathed out.
