Page 83 of Certified Pressure 4
Pressure leaned back again. “You know what that sound like to me?”
“What?”
“It sound like you fallin’ too deep to back out now,” he said, tappin’ ash into the tray. “You in it. Ain’t no halfway lovin’ a woman like Toni. Once you say she yours, that’s it. You gotta protect that bond no matter who got somethin’ to say about it.”
I nodded slow, his words sittin’ deep. “Yeah, I know. I just ain’t think it was gon’ be this damn hard. I ain’t tryna lose my folks, but I can’t lose her either. She my peace, bro. Even when she loud and talkin’ crazy, she my peace.”
Pressure smirked again, his eyes shinin’ with amusement. “Nigga, you sound like me last year.”
I chuckled, shakin’ my head. “Man, don’t start.”
“Nah, I’m serious,” he said. “When I was goin’ through it with Pluto, you was the main one tellin’ me not to let her walk out the door. Now look at you. Same situation. Different woman.”
“Yeah, but you and Pluto got a tighter family bond, nigga. That’s a different type of love.”
Pressure looked at me with that calm stillness in his face that said he already learned his lesson the hard way. “Love is love, ‘Lo. Don’t matter how it look. You think I ain’t know how it felt when she left me? When I had to sit in this same room, drinkin’ and smokin’, tryna act like I ain’t give a fuck? That shit broke me. I almost died fightin’ my feelin’s for that woman. And for what? Pride? Fear?” He shook his head. “I learned the hard way, bro. If your heart in it, you fight for it. You protect it. ‘Cause when it’s gone, ain’t no drink or blunt that can fill that space.”
I looked at him and couldn’t even say nothin’ for a second. Then I smiled. “Nigga, when the fuck you get so wise?”
Pressure laughed. “After gettin’ shot and damn near losin’ my life. That shit’ll teach you quick.”
“Yeah, I guess near-death’ll do that.”
He leaned back, takin’ another sip of his liquor. “It ain’t even about death though. It’s about realizin’ what really matter. I ain’t tryna sound soft, but when you find that woman that’s for you, it change you. Toni do that for you, don’t she?”
I looked away, but I was smilin’. “Hell yeah, she do. Even when she be trippin’, she got me wrapped around her finger. I just hate when she shut down like this. I feel like she slippin’ away and I can’t grab her.”
Pressure pointed at me with the blunt. “Then don’t let her. You told me that shit when Pluto left. You told me to go get her. So, take your own advice. Go get yo’ woman, nigga.”
I laughed under my breath, shakin’ my head. “You right. I just ain’t used to seein’ her like that. You know Toni. She loud, funny, talk shit like one of the niggas, but tonight she been quiet. That shit throw me off.”
Pressure shrugged. “She human. Let her feel it, but don’t let her drown in it. Be that anchor she can hold onto. Women be actin’ like gangstas but really need that shit.”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice low. “I’mma fix it.”
Pressure nodded and clinked his glass against mine. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Just don’t forget, we kings in this bitch. Our women gon’ follow our lead. You move right, she gon’ move right.”
“Respect,” I said with a grin, tappin’ my glass to his.
We sat there talkin’, laughin’, and drinkin’. He started tellin’ stories about Pluto and Prestyn that had me rollin’, and I could see the peace in him that I wanted for myself. When I finally got up to leave, I felt lighter than I did when I walked in.
Pressure looked up and said, “Tell Toni I said she family. And tell her she bet not run from you, or I’m pullin’ up my damn self.”
I laughed. “You a fool, man.”
“Nah, I’m for real,” he said, smirkin’. “Now go get yo’ woman before she start actin’ like Pluto used to.”
I walked out the game room knowin’ he was right. Whatever storm me and Toni had to face, I was gon’ face it head-on.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Iwas outside, chillin’ with Pluto, but I ain’t gon’ lie… a bitch’s mind was somewhere else. The pool lights was glowin’, throwin’ that blue reflection across the water, and the night air felt warm, but none of that shit was really hittin’ me. I was gone in my head, thinkin’ about earlier at Kay’Lo’s people house. Every time I replayed that moment, my chest got tight all over again. I couldn’t believe his daddy sat there and talked about me like that, like I was some lowlife hoe he ain’t want nowhere near his son. I wasn’t expectin’ him to hug me or call me daughter-in-law, but damn, the disrespect was loud as fuck.
Pluto was sittin’ across from me, her pregnant belly round and soft under her dress, and her skin glowin’ like she belonged in some goddess paintin’. She was talkin’ about somethin’, butthen she stopped and looked at me real hard. “You quiet, girl. I ain’t used to you bein’ quiet about a damn thing.”
I sighed and looked down at my nails. “I’m just stressed out, that’s all.”
She leaned forward, restin’ her chin on her hand. “About what?”
