Page 5 of Cedar Edge
“Its been a long day, can we just talk tomorrow?” I hedge, hoping he’ll stop pestering me.
“I understand how you're feeling, Thea.” He continues, ignoring my statement. “I won’t push it tonight, but perhaps we could enjoy dinner together?”
Turning towards him I’m genuinely shocked by the look on his face. “You really want to have dinner together?”
He winces at the words. “That’s a fair question. I know my actions haven’t shown you that I want us to be close. But I would like it if I could make that up to you.” He moves further into the large kitchen and I watch as he grabs two large plates from the oven. My mouth waters at the scent of the food. “I have no hope of ever being a good cook like your mom was but I tried.”
He holds out the plates like an offering and my mouth waters at the sight. My comfort food has always been mac and cheese with hot dogs. It was such a kid's food but I couldn’t help it, and my mom made the best homemade version of it. I can feel mywalls starting to crumble as the dangerous little ember of hope flares to life. I have been so fucking lonely without my mom, and yet here was Roger, a peace offering in the form of melted cheese.
“Dinner wouldn’t hurt.” I say quietly and the hope flares brighter when I see Rodger smile.
I follow him over to the smaller kitchen table, not the grand dining room where he would host parties, but the intimate one that my mom and I would have coffee at. He pushes the plate towards me with hopeful eyes, picking up the spoon he brought. I scoop the first bite into my mouth. The pasta has cooled, the cheese no longer as gooey as it typically would be and the taste… isn’t great truth be told but I smile anyway, swallowing the bite and digging into the next one.
“It’s good.” I assure him.
He seems to relax, his shoulders slumping down. “That’s good to hear, I didn’t think you’d actually eat it.”
The words hang heavy in the air and suddenly this dinner no longer feels as hopeful as it did. He continues to watch as I eat a few more bites, never touching his own food, my uneasiness building the longer he stares.
“I think I’m full.” Setting the spoon down I go to push up from the table but my vision swims. Stumbling, Rodger jumps up and grabs me before I hit the ground.
“Whoa there Thea,” He chuckles. “Can’t have you falling.”
I shake my head, attempting to clear it, but the fuzziness and confusion only gets worse. It feels like I’m being pulled under by a wave. Everything is sluggish and I can’t seem to fight as Rodger pushes me down onto the couch. His face hovers above mine and where I expect to see concern all I see is a smug smile.
“Wasn’t sure how much to give you, not after you’ve been drinking all night.” The words don’t make sense, my brain struggling to filter through them..
“What… what did you do?” I ask, but my words come out slurred.
Rodger smiles at me. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.” He pauses, glancing towards the front entryway. I try to turn my head towards whatever has pulled his attention but my body is no longer responding. Heavy steps echo through the room, moving closer and closer until another man comes into view.
“Hello Theadora, are you ready to come home?”
Summer
One Year Later
Chapter Two
Lily of the valley: “Although beautiful and innocent in appearance all parts of this plant are highly poisonous… Even small amounts can cause vomiting, reduced heart rate, blurred vision and abdominal pain.”
-Fez Inkwrite,Botanical Curses and Poisons: The Shadow Lives of Plants-
Thea
“Vintage tees, brand new phone, high heels on cobblestones.”The Taylor Swift lyrics crackle over the speakers above my head.“When you are young they assume you know nothing.”I almost laugh. Almost. Because isn’t that the gods damn truth?
The bus smells like BO, stale coffee, and diesel. The scent clogs my nose and for the millionth time I have to swallow back the urge to vomit up the lukewarm water provided when I stepped onto this mobile version of hell. I had hopped on this chariot somewhere in downtown Seattle. Fear and adrenaline flooding my system, making it impossible to eat despite howlong it’s been since my last meal. There’s something about running for your life that really makes you avoid solid foods.
My body still feels tense with anxiety. As if at any moment, the doors will open and the monster hunting me will burst through.
No, don’t think about him. Manifest what you want and need.
I try to repeat the mantra in my mind over and over again, but every time my hand brushes the cell phone shoved in my front pouch that mantra goes out the door. Pressing my forehead against the cool glass my breath fogs up against the summer rain that drips down the window. The old woman next to me shifts her elbow, bumping into my arm, the movement making me tug my hood further down to cover my face and freshly dyed hair. If someone had told me my life would now amount to a disgusting bus ride and a hoodie that I’ve clung onto for far too long. I never would’ve believed them.
“Alright folks,” the crackle of the overhead PA system startles me, my hood slipping. The woman next to me gives a disgruntled grunt as my elbow smacks into hers. As if she hasn’t been invading my space this whole time. “Because of the incoming storm, we will not be going over the mountains tonight. We’ll make a try for it again in the morning.”
The panic and terror that had receded into a low simmer in my body rears its ugly head as I feel the bus begin to slow down. I sit up straighter in a desperate attempt to see where the bus is pulling off to.
