Page 50 of The Price of Mercy
“Since now.” Smiling, I tug on the bottom of his shirt. We still haven’t bought any clothes since we failed to bring our shit from home, so we’re wearing whatever the fuckers in the cabin own. Today, Zane’s rocking a navy flannel button up, khaki cargo pants, and brown work boots. Totally rustic. Not at all like the moody, grunge man I know and love.
Still, the “mountain man” look has its charm. Now I just need to get him to grow a beard and wear those slutty fucking glasses I love so much. Mmm.
Sliding my fingers beneath his shirt, I splay my palm flat over his stomach. The happy trail leading down to his crotch is soft to the touch. “C’mon, admit that you loved it. I won’t tell anyone.”
Zane blushes. “I did not!”
“You weresohard for Mercy. How did she feel in your lap? I’m a little jealous she sat on you instead of me.” Then again, I got to slide my cock through her soaking wet pussy,sort of, and that was heaven. “I’m gonna fuck her,” I murmur, licking my lips. “You gonna watch, babe?”
The pink on Zane’s cheeks darkens to crimson. “No!” He shoves more kindling beneath the stacked logs and struggles to light them. With a growl, he shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Why do you have to fuck her?”
What kind of a question is that?
“I’ve always wanted to fuck her.” Taking the lighter from him, I spark the igniter and light the kindling. After blowing on it for a second, I meet his eyes. “Don’t you?”
He grits his teeth. “No.”
I grab his chin. “Zane. Stop lying to me.”
“I’m not lying.”
“You are. You have been for a while now.” I tighten my grip. “Why is it so hard to admit that you like her?”
A sound catches in his throat. “I don’t like her!”
Taking a calming breath, I keep pushing. “You’re scared to lose me. I get it. But what’s the worst that can happen from sleeping with her? You have a good time?Wehave a good time?”
Zane remains silent for a long moment. “I don’t want to love someone else, Kane. I don’t even want tolikesomeone else. It doesn’t matter who it is. They just…” He clenches and unclenches his fists repeatedly, wrinkling my long-sleeve shirt. “They disappear, and I can’t—” He swallows. “I can’t handle it, okay? I’m not like you.”
Ducking my head, I press a gentle kiss to his lips. “Love hurts,” I murmur, breathing in Zane’s exhale. “But that ache in your chest—the one you think you can’t handle? It’s supposed to be there. It means that you have a heart.” I thump my fist on Zane’s chest, directly over his heart. “That’s a beautiful thing, baby. That you can feel so much.”
He stares into my eyes. “I don’t want to feel this much, Kane.”
I wish that I could kiss away all the pain he’s ever felt in his lifetime—even the pain that hasn’t happened yet. But for now, I’ll settle for what Icansoothe, and that’s the doubt knocking around his chest. Sighing into his mouth, I cup the back of his neck and brush my eyelashes over his cheek. “Life is worth the pain,” I remind him, quoting the very thing I tell my victims before they die. I give them one last chance to change their minds about dying before I slit their throats. But by then, the damage to their souls, their psyche, whatever you want to call it, has already been done. It doesn’t matter how many flowers or smiles I bring—they’ve lost their will to live by the time I show upand remind them how good life can be. Any happiness we have together is temporary, on both sides.
But with Zane, our happiness is forever. I think that with Mercy, we could expand that happiness tenfold. We can get out of the killing business if needed. Tell the bratva tosuck itwhen they come calling about disposal jobs, and just—end the cycle. Stop the bleed inside Zane’s heart.
“For what it’s worth,” I whisper, brushing my lips over my lover’s, “I think you should follow wherever your heart leads, even if that’s away from me.”
Zane inhales sharply. “Never?—”
“Shh. Listen.” I meet his cautious eyes. “We won’t step into our best lives if we stand still. We have to keep moving in the direction that feels best, even if it doesn’t seem like it makes sense. And,” I breathe, smiling softly, “I’ll be right here with you the entire time. So if you decide that you don’t want her, that’s okay. And if you do, that’s okay, too. I’m with you no matter what. But I want you to try it out for a bit. See how it feels.” I kiss him gently, ecstatic when he kisses me back. “You don’t even have to tell me how it goes. I promise.”
“It won’t go anywhere,” he grumbles, frowning. “But for you, I’ll… try. Only once.” As Mercy and Sam emerge from the back porch with marshmallows and graham crackers tucked beneath their arms, Zane sighs. “Do we really have to do this?”
I wrap my arm around my grumpy bastard’s waist. “Yeah. Try to enjoy it.” Kissing his temple, I smile. “Nothing bad’s going to happen if you live a little, Zane.”
Scrunching his nose, he makes a sour face. “That’s what everyone says before the sky falls.” He glances up at the clear blue sky, its color rapidly shifting as sunset approaches.
“Okay, Mr. Doom and Gloom.” I roll my eyes. He can be such a stick in the mud. “Hey! Mercy! Toss me some chocolate.” I jab my thumb into Zane’s shoulder. “He fucking needs it.”Catching the candy bar she throws my way, I grin as I unwrap the chocolate and shove it into Zane’s mouth. “Swallow that and keep the fire going. I’m gonna get us some drinks.”
Having a bonfire is another fantastic idea of mine. Zane and I usually stick indoors during our cabin vacations, but this time, I want to try new things. Explore new people. Live a little.
The whiskey I nabbed from the bar pairs perfectly with the sticky sweet treats, and we all pass around the bottle as we take turns making smores. Sam gets melted marshmallow on his face, Mercy smears chocolate all over her fingers, and Zane?—
Well, he’s trying to be friendly.
It’s fuckinghilarious.
