Page 10 of Always
I usually spend the most time with her. I wake up with her and I end my day with her. Always. Granted, this last week has been different due to her sleeping in her room alone with Kronos guarding her, it hasn’t happened. I’m getting… antsy. So many times over the weekend I had to stop myself from hopping on a flight and surprising them or calling to check in. I know. I know.
But I can only take so many calming, deep breaths and count to ten before I need to see my little bird. And an entire weekend away from her felt like agony.
Never again.
“What?” Jonas asks, looking over at me as he takes a sip.
I practically sneer when I realize I’ve muttered those words out loud. “I saidnever againwill you take her for an entire weekendalone.”
He eyes me up and down. While he and I do love each other, we came to the same conclusion months ago - she comes first. We loved her first. She comes first. And he knows the crippling anxiety I get when I’m away from her. Yet, we’ve somehow failed in that aspect. I amdyingto go upstairs andcrawl into bed with her and feel her against me to depress and remove this… thisfeeling. I don’t even need sex. While I love to love and worship her, being intimate with her, simply sharing her space has always been enough for me. I adore Raven. Every facet of her is nothing short of divine in my eyes.Jonas knows this. Heunderstandsthis.
He opens his mouth to speak but I hold up my hand so I can say my bit first. “It is not because I do not trust you alone with her. It is simply because… because I cannot stand this feeling of not being able to be around her. Even now, my anxiety is skyrocketing at the mere thought of you taking her again.”
The ice in his tumbler clinks against the glass as he peeks into it, then, Jonas sighs, the entirety of his chest compressing before flicking his gaze back to me. “Okay.”
“That’s it? You’re justokaywith it?” I snap.
Jonas licks his lips and tilts his head. “Babe. I love you. You gave me the weekend I asked for. I knew your separation anxiety was going to kick in - that’s why I answered every time you called. I can only do so much to help you feel secure about it, and her safety - but we all have trauma from Wales. I mean, Maverick was fuckingshot.” He pauses when Maverick grunts in agreement but then his eyes soften towards me. “I just want you to know I get it. Okay? There’s times when I leave for practice in the morning or I’m about to board a plane, and all I can think is,‘I’m not going to find her when I get home. She’s not going to be there…’and it makes me want to rush back. It makes me want to stay home or follow her around all day. So…” he lifts a shoulder and lets it drop. “I get it.”
I stare down at the amber liquid and have to compose myself for a few seconds. I sniff due to my inner turmoil. The way my thoughts run ragged and make my stomach feel like a black, bottomless pit. The only cure for it is upstairs, in bed, with a goddamn dog guarding her from me. I inhale sharply. “Therewas a minute…one single minutewhile we were sitting outside of that fucking fortress and her dot didn’t move… that for a second I allowed myself to think she was gone. That we were going to find her body. And I didn’t know what to think or feel.”
I scrub my hand down my face. “I let myself go completely numb. And I realized that’s what it would feel like-” my ribcage squeezes my lungs- “if she were gone. We went into that fucking house and I felt entirely too hollow. I wasn’t a man. I was Übermensch. Machine. I never want to feel that emptiness ever again.”
“You aren’t the only one, Damon.” Maverick replies roughly. My gaze flicks to him but he’s doing the same thing I am - staring down at his whiskey like it holds life’s secrets. “There are times when I close my eyes and all I can see is you carrying her limp body up the stairs.” He sniffs. “It’s why I've been working so hard at putting so many of them away. Because I can’t fucking sleep knowing they’re out there. We killed so many Syndicate members that day, but there are so many more out there. And they’re getting away with their crimes. I know it’s gonna take time. I’m going to rest from doing it so much and I’m going to give Tasha more rein. I promised Angel I was going to be a better man and now I’m going to promise her to be a better partner. A good husband. And the best father to our children. She deserves that. Our kids will deserve that, too.”
I take a sip from my tumbler. “Then it’s agreed.”
“It’s agreed.” Jonas murmurs.
“Damon?” I hear from the landing.
My heart skips a beat. I throw back the last of my whiskey and stand, placing the tumbler on the coffee table and face Raven. “Yes, Little Bird?”
“Bed?” She cocks her head to the side, loose chocolate curls following the movement.
I nod at Maverick then kiss Jonas goodnight, turning to face my sweet girl waiting for me, freshly showered, in my shirt. I smile up at her as my feet take me to her. She holds out her hand to me and I take it, letting her lead me up the stairs to my bedroom that smells of her, of me, and of Jonas. It is the most enticing concoction that I’ve ever smelled and it is my favorite although one scent is faint and I... I wouldn't mind more of it here. While we do have one large room on the first floor with an Alaskan King-sized bed we all use for our… activities, we all still each have our own room. Jonas hardly sleeps in his room unless he has to wake up too early for a flight or is too tired after a game.
Raven switches between me, Maverick and Jonas - only using her room as a place to work on her music or have time to herself if she needs it. Maverick, of course, uses his room as a way to both hide what he’s doing to Syndicate members as well as a place to keep Raven to himself. While he does tend to sleep with us at times, he prefers his solidarity and that’s understandable. Besides, I think he quite enjoys it when Raven slips into bed with him when she misses him.
It is so beautiful to be loved by Raven and be allowed in her mind - just as it is so… vexing to be partially shut out. Fortunately, I do have the patience required of me, even when I wish I could push her the way Maverick does. But I love when my partner is sweet and needs me. That is when I go feral for her and for Jonas as well. It’s as if they know I appreciate feeling needed. And wanted.
I remove my clothes and crawl up the bed over her. When she parts her thighs for me, I settle between them and put my full weight on her. Her hands find purchase on my back and rest there, fingers caressing the grooves of muscle before they settle on either side of my ribcage. I search her eyes before dipping my nose into the column of her throat and inhaling herscent. “I missed you, Amourette. More than words can fathom, I missed you with my entire being. Do you understand you are not allowed to leave me? Ever. We are tethered, Little Bird.”
She grins, and I take this in- the sight of her so sinfully raw- the way her hair is settled around her like a dark halo, fresh faced, lips parted, eyes dark and cheeks slightly flushed. My heart barely beats in my chest, waiting for her words as her fingers rake up and down my back, soothing me. Soothing the evil that lurks just beneath my skin. “I missed you more, Damon.”
My name on her lips always sounds like an invocation only meant for my soul to hear. It makes me feel godlike. I grow hard above her but instead of ravaging her the way I want, the way I need-I needthismore. To simply be in her presence and breathe her in so my soul will stop rattling in its cage. For it knows its master. “Did you have fun in Seattle?”
She nods enthusiastically. “So mmm-much fun!”
I shift my weight and roll us over. “Yes? Would you tell me all about it, Little Bird?” because I need t hear her voice so my ribcage will finally renounce this vile, squeezing tendency it has picked up while she was away, and let my lungs and heart do their job.
Her hair curtains forward, falling around her shoulder and her chest. I stare, drinking in the sight of her above me, talking animatedly, slightly stuttering but pushing through and I am in such awe of the woman I see. The woman she’s become. When she gets to the part of finding a small music museum, I take note of that. Of all of it, locking it away in the recesses of mind. Every smile that makes me smile.
I have so much to do in so little time.
When she falls asleep on top of me, her head on my chest while I play with her hair, I reach over to my nightstand and begin to look up all the things available both in New Yorkand everywhere else we’re heading to. I want this to be the next best chapter of her life.
I wake up to a wet warmth engulfing me, and I smile, blinking awake at the ceiling first, then down to see one small hand on my abdomen, the other gripping my shaft. Dark eyes glitter up at me and my cock is encased by the most sensual lips I’ve ever had the pleasure of kissing. “Look at you, sweet girl. Did you miss Daddy that much?”
