Page 71 of Guarded Secrets
Tears streamed down Keeley’s cheeks. “Oh god, Owen. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how much that must’ve hurt.”
The wall he’d built around his heart wobbled like it’d taken another hit.
This was why he didn’t talk about this.
He rose abruptly. She rose too, dropping the blanket and moving into him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
He stood rigid, arms at his side. She didn’t seem to care and held him tighter like she could inject some of her sunshine right into him.
Maybe she could, because he felt warmer in a way the coffee couldn’t hit.
He couldn’t help but bring his arms around her shoulders, holding her to his chest, his cheek resting on the top of her head.
Never in his life had he felt something that was a balm to his soul, but Keeley hugging him was exactly that.
“I’m okay. It’s been long enough it no longer feels like I’ve been ripped apart with no way to put the pieces back together,” he murmured into her hair.
She tipped up her head so she could look in his eyes. “I know what you mean. When I lost my pregnancy, I felt so raw. I also felt betrayed by my boyfriend, who was such an asshole.”
Owen’s mouth tilted up at one corner. “That’s a pretty strong swear word, Miz Montaigne.”
“I reserve my swear words for those who truly deserve it. Gives them more impact that way.”
“True statement. Fucker abandoned you when you needed him most.”
“He did, which also made me question my judgment. Why hadn’t I seen that in him?” She shrugged. “Mom made me get therapy, and that helped. The pain from that time never goes all the way away, but I can deal with it now.”
“Moms are like that. My mom also pushed me into therapy. It helped.”
She beamed at him and in that moment, wild horses couldn’t have stopped him from kissing her. He bent his head and their lips met in a kiss that lit a fire in his veins at the same time it soothed the jagged edges of his heart.
Then realization set in.
He’d convinced himself he could have a platonic relationship with Keeley, and kissing her wasnotsomething people in platonic relationships did.
“I’m sorry.” He gripped her shoulders and took a step back. “Listen, Keeley, you need to know I’ll never get married again or have kids. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t enough for my wife, and the result was she died, and my boy died. I let them down.
“That street racer was responsible for their deaths. I know that. But Gloria wouldn’t have hooked up with the guy she was with if we’d had a better relationship.” He released her and stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Gloria made the choice to be with him. She could also have made the choice to honor her vows.” Owen was shaking his head before she even finished speaking, and Keeley felt she had to make him understand. “From what you told me, Owen, you tried to make it work. She didn’t.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll never put myself in a position where the people I love most can be taken from me. I could never go through that again and survive.”
It looked like a shadow dropped over her features. “I see. It’s better not to love at all.” She drew in a shaky breath. “You have a deep well of compassion inside you, Owen. It’s hard to see you closing yourself off from living a full life.”
“I haven’t closed myself off from a full life. It’s a different life than what I once had. That’s all.”
“A full life means being open to other people, to feelings, to strong emotions.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t think you can change my mind because I won’t.”
“Where does this leave us? Are we buddies? Pals?”
He closed his eyes. “Damn.” When he opened his eyes again, she thought she’d never seen him look so sad. “I want to be your friend, but that’s all I can be.”
“It’s absolutely your right to build this wall between us, but put this into your calculation. I love you, Owen.” He jerked like he’d been shocked by a live wire. “I’ve had strong feelings for you for a while. I thought they’d go away, but no such luck.”
He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again.
