I’ve never played the field. Never dated more than one man at once. I’ve always gone from relationship to relationship, and my relationships have all been lengthy spans of time, with Brett being my longest one yet.
But part of me wonders what it would be like. To dance with whoever I wanted. Take home whoever I wanted. Not have to worry about being cheated or left, or…
“I know,” I say, because it’s true. Out of the Sterling brothers, Rush is definitely the most charismatic and warm and is knownto be the life of the party everywhere he goes. His hockey nickname isn’t just a moniker for his speed and agility on the ice. Rushisthe moment, the vibe. He can make even a hangout in a garage in the middle of a heat wave with no air conditioning fun.
I would know, because that’s exactly what we did for his dad’s birthday this summer when the power went out. What could have been a disaster ended up being some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time as Rush pulled out a bunch of card and board games and we all ate ice cream before it melted.
And of course, Freddie’s a gentle giant with an understated charm, and Tommy is the introverted, intense younger brother who plays community hockey and keeps to himself most of the time unless his friends are around.
Rush has always been a vibrant personality. A feel-good personality.
Russell Sterling is the kind of man you can only describe as bright and full of sunshine. He has a way of making you feel his energy, making youfeedoff of it.
I’ve only hung out with him and his brothers a few times at family gatherings, but I know enough of the man to know I trust him and wouldn’t mind hanging out with him under different circumstances.
Different circumstances, like what?
Why can’t I hang out with Rush? Why can’t I dance with him now and just enjoy myself and not worry about Brett? Brother or not, Rush isnotthe man who hurt me. I have to remind myself of that.
I think about Abby’s words. I need to havefun.
Though I am worried about her and her mother, I know she wouldn’t have told me to stay if she was truly worried. Whatever the case, I know I need to focus or I’m going to look like some high idiot staring at Rush again.
“I just—” I sigh as I take a long drink of myHighline Hitter, until I’ve drained the glass. I set the empty on the edge of the stage where the other empties are collected, allowing me to rest both my hands around Rush’s neck.
I feel a strange sort of warmth building inside of me, radiating like a fire as it travels through my body. Rush’s hands on my hips are hot as he squeezes me, still leading me with the beat. I press my body closer to his as I close my eyes, and for the briefest moment, I am weightless.
I can pretend I’m not here in this club. I can pretend that his touch is familiar and wanted, and I can give in just for a moment.
Forget what really happened.
So that’s exactly what I do. I close my eyes and I move with the music as his warm palms guide us back and forth. I breathe in his spicy scent and let it fill my lungs. His hands tug my waist just the slightest and without thinking, I lean into his hold. Our bodies press together as we move, and my shoulders loosen as I unravel slightly and relax…
And then I feeldizzy.
Without thinking, I grasp onto Rush like he’s my lifeline. I open my eyes as the panic hits and the room starts to spin.
“Are you—” Rush starts, but it’s not him who finishes.
“I think it’s time to go,” Freddie says, his dark and inviting voice settling on me.
Rush’s hands squeeze me, and a slight moan escapes me, tinged in misery and guilt.
To my surprise, Rush agrees with his brother. He must be as drunk as me right now, because I don’t think theyeveragree on anything, at least from what I’ve seen and what Brett’s told me.
“Come,” Freddie says, his voice demanding in that soft, intriguing way. Not arrogant or cocky, but like a dad would sternly tell their child, “Now.”
I turn, pushing away from Rush as I meet Freddie’s gaze and nod. Rush turns with me, placing his hand on the small of my back once more.
“Okay,” I agree, not wanting to be rude since he is driving me home and also because I get the feeling that if I try to talk back or razz theFlashI will pay for it.
Which is a weird thought to have about your ex’s brother when you’re drinking and the room is spinning, that’s for sure.
Rush guides me as we follow Freddie through the space, through crowds and past their VIP section where some of their teammates and friends are. Freddie gives them a wave while Rush says goodbye, and before I know it, we’re out in the cool Virginia air, the chill a balm on my skin.
I hadn’t realized just how hot I was in there…
I follow Freddie to his Lexus, a strange unspoken tension between us.