Page 38 of Three Pucking Ex's Brothers
I feel a comforttalkingto him that feels different, and maybe different is okay. He might be my ex’s brother, but I feel like we’re on the same page with things in more ways than one.
I watch as he types his number in, his fingers slightly shaking. He holds the phone out, offering it back to me, and I take it, our fingers grazing one another.
“Thanks,” I say. “I’ll remember that.”
He nods. “Okay.”
Then he turns the car on and wastes no time heading off toward campus, leaving me alone with my racing heart and a warmth inside me that didn’t exist before.
9
FREDDIE
I can’t stop thinkingabout Nora, or the bombshell she dropped on us last night.
Brett and I have never been the closest of brothers, but then again, I can’t say I blame him. He was four when I was born, and he’d just gone through a rough time with his mom leaving his dad, and then all of a sudden I came into the picture to pull focus from his mother.
But for a while, we were it. We were the two Sterling brothers and all we had was each other; and as such, even after Russell and Tommy were born, we still very much held that bond. Until Brett got picked up by the NHL, and I stayed with the AHL.
And sure…over the years, things have changed, but I reasoned that change is inevitable.
I don’t think Nora would lie about something like this, but I’m not as impulsive as Russ or as removed as Tommy. I like to knowallthe information before I make a decision. While that might be aggravating to some people—like Russ—it’s also always kept me on the safe side of things. It’s helped me win plenty of games too.
Details are what is most important, and sometimes when you’re invested or emotionally compromised, you don’t see the forest for the trees.
Which is why Ineedto talk to Brett.
I need to know if what Nora is claiming is true and if it is…I’m not sure how I’m supposed to handle that sort of thing. On one hand, I know it’s not really any of my business what Brett does or how he lives his life. Especially because I have my own to live.
But on the other hand, he’s family—whether he wants to be or not—and his actions affect the rest of us too.
I pace back and forth in my kitchen, debating whether to call him or just…not. Brett and Nora’s relationship problems arenoneof my business. And if they did break up, then that’s between them and it’s not like IoweNora anything.
But I can’t help but feel that urge—the need I haven’t felt in a long time, resurfaced in her presence. The need toprovide.To care.
I felt it last night at the club, when I saw her. Dancing with Russ. Drinking. When her friends were pulled from her for one reason or another.
She wasn’t my responsibility, but I reasoned that breakup or not, she was still someone Icaredabout. Even if that care was misplaced.
Because the truth is I that I hadn’t felt that dominant desire Nora brought about in me last night, in years.
Most of my family think I prefer to be alone because I don’t want a girlfriend, because of my failed engagement, but in truth, it’s a lot more complicated than that. I can’t exactly explain tomy parents or my brothers that my interests and relationship dynamics are a bit morenichethan just finding a sweet, cute girl to date.
I have…needs.
Needs thatmostwomen would balk at or judge me for. Because most women just see my dominance as a need to control them, or they see my list of soft and hard limits and get as far away as they can. Which hurts more than it should.
Which is why Ipreferto keep my sex life—and my subs—and my relationships separate, if only because the last time I tried to integrate my ex into an arrangement, it didn’t end well.
As in, the lines got a bit blurry and Vicki—my ex-fiancée and sub—pushed me too far. Over the edge.
I safe-worded when I knew I was getting too close to the danger zone. I needed control. I needed to bein control, because it was slipping fast. But she didn’t listen. She pushed me. Said she didn’t hear me, but I don’t know if I believe her.
She thought that because of my preferences for consensual-non-consent and my breeding kink, that I’d be fine with what happened, but I’m not. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with what happened, because even now when I think about it, I feel conflicted.
I didn’t know she had stopped taking her birth control. She didn’t tell me. I didn’t know she was trying to get pregnant on purpose. I was too trusting. Too wrapped up in the newness of our engagement. I was young. Stupid.
I thought I loved her and she loved me, but…
