Page 5 of Be Your Forever
Avery confirms my suspicions. “She’s not doing good, Ash. I hadn’t seen her since the wedding. She’s been holed up in her home for months. She ignores most, if not all, of my texts and calls. I was so concerned that I went over there using the spare key she gave me, and what I saw was…” Avery sniffs, so I offer her my hand for her to hold. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes, but she squeezes my hand and doesn’t let go.
“Asher, she’s a mess. When I went into her room, there was just so much stuff everywhere. Clothes, candy and chip wrappers littered her entire floor. It looked like she hadn’t moved from her bed in days. And when I crawled under the covers with her, you could tell she hasn’t been taking care of herself. Her hair was matted, and her sweats were days old. My heart broke for her. She’s not taking this well, Asher, and I don’t know what to do for her. The second my arms wrapped around her, she lost it. She cried herself to sleep, and then I cried myself to sleep. I just…I don’t know what to do.”
I put a hand to my chest, and I can feel my heart break. Who knew Bri was struggling that hard? She’s always so fun and outgoing, so this behavior is a total one-eighty for her. I get up from my chair and move around the desk to squat in front of Avery. I have no plan as to what I’m going to say to her, but I have to say something. What comes out of my mouth surprises us both, but it feels right.
“Let me help. I'll do whatever it takes to bring our girl back."
What I don’t say is that I’ll do anything and everything to bringmygirl back. Avery gives me a grateful smile before hugging me.
“Really? Oh, thank you, Asher. I knew you'd be the perfect person to help her."
"Well, I don't know about that. I'll do what I can. You can count on me."
Avery squeezes me one more time before pulling away from the hug and walking out the door.
I clutch at my heart again, feeling it crack even more thinking about how Bri’s light has been snuffed. I’ll do whatever it takes to bring her back to life. I just have to work up the courage to go to her. I have to be able to brush my own feelings for her aside and be whatever she needs from me. I make a mental note to call my therapist so she can help me sort through my emotions before I see Bri. When I do, I want to be able to have a clear head on my shoulders. Honestly, this is probably something I should have done the day after the accident happened. Regardless, I’ll do whatever it takes to share my light with her, because she’s too amazing to fade into blackness.
Brianna
Resurfacing from the darkness of my own guilt
Todayisthefirsttime in months I feel like I’ve resurfaced from the darkness of my own guilt. I stand underneath the showerhead and focus on the hot water beating against my skin. The steam hugs me like a long,longlost friend. My scalp, which is in desperate need for some love, tingles from my tea tree shampoo. I scrub my body, focusing on the gritty slide of the exfoliation beads on my skin. I forgot how therapeutic and grounding a shower could be. Anytime I have the energy to do the basics, I cling to it like a lifeline.
I finish all my skincare steps before exiting my ensuite bathroom to jump back into my uniform of sweats and a hoodie. I may be feeling better right now, but I’m not ready to give up the sweats. They don’t hug me like my old clothes used to, which I guess is the purpose. Since the accident, I’ve put on more weight.Thanks, emotional eating.
I used to be so proud of my body. I had an hourglass figure, toned stomach, and a firm ass. Now? My stomach has rolls, my thighs are thicker and full of stretch marks, and I have no one to blame but myself. So goodbye cute, sexy, skin-tight clothes, and hello pullovers, joggers and leggings.
Jeans? I don’t know her anymore—nor do I want to. She’s so judgmental, tending to put yourflaws on display.
Yeah, no thanks. I think I’ll stick with hiding my body. I still can’t look in the mirror for longer than the few minutes it takes to tame my rat's nest hair. Looking at myself for extended periods of time leads to me outlining my flaws like art on a canvas. And thenboom, emotional breakdown. And I’ve had enough of those. I seem to cry at the drop of a hat nowadays. Last week, I couldn’t get the damn cap off a jar of pickles. I ended up on the kitchen floor, hysterically sobbing.
The sound of my phone pinging brings me out of my self-loathing only to dive right back into it when I see who it is. My throat thickens with emotion and my eyes sting with unshed tears.
Mom: Hey sweetie, I wanted to check in on you. I know you need your space. I’m thinking of you always. I love you, Lovebug.
You thought you could get rid of us? You are nothing but a failure.
I haven’t seen or talked to either of my parents since the wedding. After the accident, I was able to keep up the ruse of being okay. But like in the game of Jenga, one wrong move and the whole structure comes tumbling down. Small spikes of anxiety turn into full-fledged panic attacks, and I just can’t do it. I love my parents, but I can no longer look them in the eyes without feeling an intense amount of guilt for everything that happened.
The rational, healthy response would be to talk to them about my feelings. But the rational train left the station ages ago. Instead, I’ve isolated myself from everyone I love. Misery, party of one.
My throat feels tight, and my eyes sting when I see my mom’s recent text. And, because I’m masochistic, I scroll through every previous message from my parents, knowing it’ll only cause me pain.
You’re a shitty daughter. Look at how hurt your parents are. All. Your. Fault.
(February 20th, 2026) Mom: Hi, lovebug. I wanted to see how you were doing. You left the wedding without a goodbye. I tried to call you, but it went straight to voicemail. Please give us a call soon. Love you.
(March 3rd, 2026) Mom: Hey, lovebug. Your father and I miss you so much. I’m not sure what’s going on, but please call or text us back. We’re worried. Love you.
(March 14th, 2026) Mom: Hey bug. I hope all of our messages are going through. I was looking through my camera roll and I came across a few of you. You looked stunning in your maid of honor dress. I love and miss you so much. Please call or text your dad and I, let us know you’re okay.
(April 5th, 2026) Dad: Hey, bug. I wanted to check in and see what’s going on with you? You haven’t reached out to your mother and I. We’re really worried about you. Love you
(April 28th, 2026) Mom: Hey sweetheart, we understand you might need some space. After a lot of discussion with your father, we’ve come to the understanding that you probably need some time alone. Just know we’re here for you when you’re ready. We love you so much.
(April 28th, 2026) Dad: What Mom said. We love you, kiddo.
Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I scroll througheveryunanswered message.
