Page 100 of Moonstruck at Midnight
Cause of death: overthinking.
He’d been feeding me truths disguised as taunts with a dropper. Was this his way of being “subtle”while I was still in a relationship with someone else? I would have to wait and see what he would do now that heknewI had ended things with Thomas. The bet was one of those things. It seemed to me that William had been planning it for a while. He wouldn’t have asked his brothers to refrain from talking about what he does for a living if he hadn’t.
All of this ironically reminded me of one of my favorite poems by the same Emily Dickinson that says,The Truth must dazzle gradually,or every man be blind—
William liked the chase, the thrill, and if he could provoke me in the process, even better. And to be honest, his method was doing wonders on me.
I knew what I wanted. I needed to formally and definitely end things with Thomas to make space for shinier and brighter possibilities ahead. I didn’t know what to expect with William, but I was curious.
Where doubt reigned, now hope prevailed.
July 20, 2009
BEN SHOWED USthe printed photographs we all took on Saturday’s shoot after school, and all I could think of waswhy hasn’t William texted me all day? We evaluated the 4” by 6” standard-sized prints to make the final selection as I went deep into thought.He must be busy.He must be at work.Not with Erin,hopefully.
Probably.
I took on the responsibility to develop the selected photographs in a larger format for the presentation.
He’s guarded. His last girlfriend cheated on him.Of course,he’s guarded. We broke down the walls between us, but he was still standing on the other side of the rubble.
Baby steps,I reminded myself of that. We did text a bit last night, and it was fun and easy and flirty. But I couldn’t stop thinking about him today.Help?
“You okay, Billie?” Ben asked.
“Ah—yeah. Sorry.” I reeled in my focus back on our after-class meeting because that was actually helpful. Anything to get me out of my head was welcome at this point.
Nolan agreed to digitalize the selected prints, and Ben said he’d start to draft the Keynote presentation. We worked great as a team, but we had also become good friends. They were worried about me for what they witnessed two days before, but I talked to them and explained how I had ended things with Thomas. If they knew my mind was elsewhere …
How quickly things can change in a heartbeat. I knew that much.
We finished our after-school session pretty quickly right there on campus. David and Aaron were on duty. I hadn’t seen Caleb since he left my apartment the day before—a loose end. And I didn’t like the feeling. I hated when things were tense between us. It was almost as if my mind refused to function correctly because of it.
I asked the guys if they could take me to a supermarket because I was determined to bake a cake for my father’s birthday. Baking it a day before would give me time to buy one if I ruined it for some reason.
But there’s nothing much that can go wrong with a cake mix. You whisk the ingredients and throw it in the oven, right?
Thomas called me early in the morning to set up a time to meet. He planned to arrive at my house at 9 p.m. once I was done training with Grant and had enough time to shower and get ready.
I got home at around 6:30 p.m. That meant I had thirty minutes to change into my gym clothes and start baking the cake before my session with Grant at seven.
Unfortunately, Mimi had left two hours ago. She would’ve loved to help me, but I wanted to do this on my own. I knew my father would appreciate the gesture.
I followed the instructions word for word, placed the cake in the oven just a minute before seven, and sprinted to the gym. I set up an alarm on my phone to remind myself to go back to check on the cake as soon as I was done with Grant.
William was probably going to be there—our meeting point—and I knew how easily distracted I could get around him.
The box indicated thirty-six minutes of baking time, enough to train and make it back a few minutes before it was ready to take out of the oven.
Grant was waiting for me at the gym. He quickly bandaged my hands and helped me with my gloves.
I got anxious thinking about William showing up. My fear was that things would be different or awkward after the cottage. I hoped not. However, it was obvious that our dynamic was going to change. It couldn’t all be the same as before; it had to be better. But I just wanted to see him and make sure for myself. And I missed his face already—too damn much that it caught me off guard.
My half hour with Grant was about to end, and I heard someone coming in behind me. I looked over my shoulder, but it was Tobias.
“Hey, Billie!” he said with a big smile as he walked into the gym. I greeted him back. It was odd to see Tobias as I’d never seen him work out at this time before. William had to be close behind.
Grant took my gloves off, and I lingered a while longer in the gym, waiting for William to show up. I didn’t want to ask Tobias about him, so I jumped on the treadmill for a few minutes to make time for him to arrive.
