Page 107 of Moonstruck at Midnight
I didn’t know what he meant by that or what I was facing in doing such research. But I didn’t care, and I didn’t want to know. I just wanted things to go back to how they used to be the day before.
Me:I DON’T care because I do know you. Even if you want to hide, you can’t anymore. I see you.
He took longer to reply, but after a few minutes of staring into my screen, he finally did.
W.S.:It doesn’t matter anymore.
Me:He kissed ME! I didn’t know what I was doing. I messed up. Ok? I’m sorry.
W.S.:It seemed to me like you knew perfectly well what you were doing. And as I said. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll be filming for the next three months. That’s enough time for you to patch things up with Thomas. I’m getting out of your way. Believe me. It’s for the best. I’m sure he’ll forgive you for “fucking” a celebrity.
I knew he was hurt. He must’ve felt something for me too, or he wouldn’t have reacted like this. What hurtmewas that he wasn’t giving me a choice. I had no say in this! And I had half of an overwhelmed brain to work with, and the other half was numb with medication.Could this be nothing but a nightmare?Maybe I hadn’t woken up from when I passed out.
Me:Who said that’s what I want?
W.S.:What is seen is not asked.
W.S.:You must be tired. You should be sleeping or something. I’m sure I’m not doing much to help with that either.
But you could!Come to me!Talk to me! Kiss me!Annoy me!Can’t you see I wantyou?
But I couldn’t find it in me to say any of those things. Instead, I opened my drawer, took the picture William shot of me out, and re-read the quote behind it a million times and one.
How ironic was it that the first part of the letter was left out? It would’ve rounded up perfectly the crushing, gnawing, piercing feeling inside my chest at that moment.
I grabbed a pen and wrote just above it:
Dear Mary,
When the Best is gone—I know that other things are not of consequence—
I placed the photograph inside the same white envelope it came in and crossed out my name and wrote above it:For Mary.I texted David and asked him to come to my bedroom. He was the perfect person for this assignment—discreet.
He came flying in two seconds later, and I gave him a very specific assignment: deliver the envelope directly to William’s hands and say nothing to no one about it.
David left on his quest, and I threw myself back on my pillow, feeling drained. And in the middle of all this chaos, I still felt the desperate need to talk to Caleb, to thank him for pulling me out of the kitchen when I passed out. I don’t know what would’ve happened if he hadn’t found me there.
I grabbed my phone, intending to ask Caleb to come talk to me, but the medication finally won the battle and knocked me out into deep sleep.
July 21, 2009
WAKING UP THE NEXT DAYconfirmed to me that it hadn’t all been a dream. The first thing that came to my mind as I opened my eyes was William. He had to give me a chance and listen to what I had to say. Or read it at least. Perhaps he’d slept it off. His thoughts and feelings from last night had to be mitigated. How had everything gone to shit so fast? I refused to believe that all was lost.
I didn’t have a headache anymore, but my burnt hand was still throbbing with pain. I grabbed my phone and texted William, hoping he would answer.
Me:Can we talk? Please, just hear me out.
W.S.:Working. Can’t talk or text.
I was a second away of peeling the skin off my face. I never knew frustration of this magnitude.
I heard a knock on my door, which reminded me to breathe. It was Mimi.
“Halò,” she said, coming in. Looking at her made me miss my mother. And I swore to myself I wasn’t going to cry again, but I couldn’t keep the tears in any longer. Not without creating irreparable damage to my soul.
“There, there. It’s awright.” She embraced me, and since the medication’s effect was long gone, my emotions came crashing down on me all at once. She held me tight in her arms, and then my father walked in.
“Hey, kiddo.”
