Page 78 of Moonstruck at Midnight
“Please. I can’t go back to my apartment. I don’t want to be alone tonight. Lily’s offering me to stay, and I want to stay.”
“You don’t need to be alone. You have me.” I knew I had him. But I needed a friend that wasn’t—him. I couldn’t talk to him about Thomas. He couldn’t be objective, and I knew Lily could help me with that.
“I’m sorry. I know. You have me too. But I need to fucking breathe. Everything feels lighter here.” Caleb looked disappointed with my response. He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand I couldn’t talk to him about Thomas. It was too hard. And the cottage was so peaceful. I was the one messing with this place’s zen.
He pressed his lips and said, “I’ll talk to your father. Let’s hope this isn’t a mistake that’ll get me fired tomorrow.” I always ended up getting my way, but this time I didn’t feel triumphant about it. I could tell Caleb was upset and worried about leaving me here. But I really needed it.
He gave me my phone back and stood up. I was still sitting on the grass, and somehow, that small distance between us stung.
I wanted comfort. Comfort I knew he could give me. A part of me wanted to go back to the city and have him help me through this. The other part of me desired freedom. Staying would provide that even if it was a temporary fix. I needed to figure this one out on my own.
“You won’t get fired. Are you kidding me? I need you.”
Shit.
The needing him part had always been part of my internal dialogue. I’d never said that to anyone, let alone him. But it was true. Having Caleb around made me feel safe. That’s why I needed him.
Caleb stood there like a statue. He was processing what I just said to him—the needing part. And I just hoped the result of such a process wouldn’t blow up in my face. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea or make things awkward between us because of that.
“Tell me what happened. I need to know.”
“We broke up,” I said, finding his eyes. “Well,Ibroke up with him.”
Caleb took a deep breath, and for the first time since we got to New York, I saw the very same look and spark in his eyes he had when we lived in Paris. The old Caleb. New York Caleb was a different Caleb. And now I knew exactly why that was. It was all because of Thomas.
Caleb’s lips tipped up slightly into the smallest, most controlled smile I’ve ever seen in my life. He was glad, I could tell, but he probably didn’t want to smile when my face was drenched in tears.
He held his hand out for me and helped me up from the grass.
We walked up to Ben and Nolan and talked to them while Aaron got the engine started. My friends packed their things, and I apologized for missing the sunset, but they thought we had enough material to choose from anyway. They seemed worried about me, and I just kept trying to convince them I was okay, that I would see them on Monday.
“I hate to see you like this, Billie,” Ben said, twisting his mouth to the side.
“We had a great time today. Thank you for setting this up. I know we’re gonna do great in our final presentation,” Nolan added. “And thanks for the ride back.” I hugged them both, and they left with Aaron, Caleb, and David.
And the countdown begins.
My freedom spell would end the next morning, but I was already breathing easier.
I walked back to Lily. She sat at the table, waiting for me. I asked for a refill.
“What happened, Billie? Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, filling my glass with more wine.
“I ended things with Thomas,” I replied, looking away.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” she said, pushing my glass closer to me. She probably thought I was in desperate need of more alcohol.
“It’s okay, I—it was for the best. He had a jealous fit about me being here with my school friends, and he noticed in my voice I had something to drink,” I said, lifting my glass. “He asked me to leave the Hamptons. To go back to the city. But that just flipped my switch, and I confronted him about the whole condom thing too.” I placed my hand on my forehead. My head was spinning. I didn’t know if it was from the alcohol, the breakup, the crying, or all of the above.
“What did he have to say about that?” She looked concerned.
“He seemed confused when I mentioned it. Like he didn’t know what I was talking about or something. But that was not the reason why I broke up with him. He is choosing to pay attention to all the wrong things, and I just need to breathe. All my life, I’ve been controlled—monitored. And he’s just doing the same with me. I can’t deal with that anymore. I feel like I’m suffocating.”
Lily extended her hand and held mine for a few seconds.
“I’m so glad you’re staying. It’ll do you good, you’ll see. And we can talk about this all you want. Or, if you prefer, we can keep raiding this place.” She laughed and lifted the wine bottle. “There’s plenty from where this came from.”
I took a deep breath. This is what I needed. A fucking break.
