Page 99 of Moonstruck at Midnight
“Did you sleep with him?” he asked bluntly.
What?I turned around, and his face looked grim. He kept gnawing at his bottom lip, looking anxious. His face was telling me he thought the answer to his question wasyes.
“That is none of your business, Caleb.”
“Itismy business to take care of you, actually.”
“I can take care of myself.”
He snorted. “You just told me you needed me.”
“I do need you.” I sighed. I knew I shouldn’t have said that to him last night. I was so stupid. But it was the truth! I needed him.Please don’t look at me like that.
“Please, I need to know.”
Don’t you know me at all!
“Caleb, I broke up with Thomasyesterday. I wouldn’t.”But I did kiss William a few times—in the pool,in his room,and in the car right in front of you.I hadn’t had the time to process if kissing William had been right or wrong, but it feltso good. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
He frowned. “I’m just—why would you kiss him in front of me?”
I stared at him, not really knowing what to say because he was right.
Seeing him kiss Noelle had been hard for me. But I had caught them. He would’ve never kissed her if he knew I was standing right beside them. Right?
I don’t know if I could’ve endured watching him with someone else day in day out as he’d been doing for the past months. Our relationship was complicated as it was, and I was pushing him into having to tell me to stop because he couldn’t stomach it any longer.
I had zero doubts now that he’d been the one who cleared his throat in the car. I felt like shit. He just wanted me to stop. And I didn’t take the time to think about him. “I’m sorry. I—”
“No”—he held a hand up—“You’re right. This isn’t any of my business.” He seemed so disturbed, and I felt terrible by the second. “We’ll be downstairs.” He turned on his heel and left.
“Caleb! Wait!” He ignored me and kept walking away. “Caleb!”
Fuck.
All I wanted was to take a shower to wash all the confusing feelings away. Things were getting very complicated.
I changed into my pajamas after showering. It was a way of telling myself it was best to stay at home. I couldn’t go out without inevitably seeing Caleb. He was on duty for the rest of the day, and I was sure he didn’t want to see me.
I sat on my bed and took the photograph William shot of me out of my nightstand drawer. I smiled at the memory of seeing it onhisnightstand.
When he sent it in the first place, I thought he was teasing me, but he’d been telling the truth. I regretted having thrown his letter away. William was the sweetest, even though he liked to pretend otherwise.
The photograph slipped through my fingers, falling on its front face against the floor. There was a small inscription on the bottom left side of the back of it I hadn’t noticed before.
“The heart wants what it wants, or else it does not care.”
I read the quote over twenty times before finally placing it back in my drawer. He was quoting Emily Dickinson, and I absolutely adored her poetry and became rather obsessed with it. I even read and studied her correspondence. The quote William wrote was part of a letter written to Mary Bowles that I particularly liked.
It was inevitable for me to remember Juan Pablo’s words when I first met him—the heart wants what it wants. My mind was blown to Mars and back. Freaking Juan Pablo! How could he know such things? Was he implying William’s the one I was supposed to be with?In title behold, as time has come.Title. William and I have the same name.
Stop.
It was a rabbit hole, and I was missing the point. Besides, believing those things made me feel very stupid. I needed to stop analyzing Juan Pablo’s riddles.
The quote on the back of the photograph was such a thoughtful gesture. The fact that it was handwritten made it even more special. No one writes anymore. But what was William trying to say? And why would he hide the inscription on the back? Maybe he didn’t want me to find it right away.
I feared I would pass out as I felt my heart melting, but another side of me had plenty of doubts about him and his intentions. He was an undeniable flirt. It could’ve been one of his jokes.Even when I joke,I tell the truth.
