Page 102 of Heartstruck at Dawn
No. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pretend nothing had happened. I wanted honesty and full disclosure from Nathan, and that meant I had to start with myself. At least with the things he wanted to know or asked about directly.
I sat on the bed, fully convinced to tell him all that had happened with Caleb.
“That is very distracting,” Nathan said, looking at me up and down a few times. I smiled and covered myself up with the comforter. “I just said it was distracting, not that I wanted you to cover yourself up.”
He laughed, and I pushed his head back on the pillow. But I kept myself covered because I needed his full attention.
“Okay—um. Somethingdidhappen with Caleb,” I said, meeting his gaze. I saw how panic flooded Nathan’s wide eyes. “No, wait. It was before I met you, and it didn’t last long. We were doomed from the start. He never felt comfortable enough around me, and he feared my father’s reaction if he found out. It was too complicated. Too risky. We didn’t want to gamble with our friendship.”
“I see,” he said with a frown. I was impressed by his reaction. He wasn’t happy about it, I could tell. But he was mature about it, something I wasn’t used to before. Thomas would’ve set the building on fire. “So why did William say that to him about—the mixing business with pleasure? Does William know something happened with Caleb?”
“He saw us kissing once when he was still with Erin. Tobias saw us too.” I felt a weight falling off my shoulders. A weight I didn’t know was there. It felt good to know I didn’t have to hide that part from Nathan and that he was, in a way, taking it so well.
“Okay, I get it now. William just wanted to piss me off,” Nathan said, feeling like he was gaining awareness on the matter. I shrugged. I wasn’t sure ifthatwas the reason why William said that to Caleb. But it could’ve probably been the second reason why. Nevertheless, knowing why William did what he did and said what he said was a tricky business. And I didn’t plan on dwelling on it at the moment.
“Well, I’m not giving him the pleasure,” he added. “Are you sure you’re comfortable being friends with Caleb?”
“Yes. Yes, of course. He’s been there for me—a true friend. When my mother died, I feel like it was mostly thanks to him that I came back to life. He made me happy when I was in a bad place. Everything was lifeless. Dull.
“And he hasn’t expressed anything about wanting to be with me or anything of the sort ever since I met you. We understood we’re better off as friends. My father disapproved, and we feared our friendship would end up damaged because of it. Caleb knows that. He wouldn’t risk it, and honestly, I wouldn’t either.”
“I thought all of this happened behind your father’s back.”
“It did. My father never knew about it. Caleb and I had already decided to go back to being friends. But a simple hug was all it took for my father to go ballistic on Caleb. My father made it clear to him that if he tried something with me, he would lose his job.”And Caleb promised to stay.“And as I said, Caleb wouldn’t risk it.”
Nathan sighed. Was it relief? Hopefully.
His phone buzzed on my nightstand. He read the incoming text and said, “I’m sorry, Murph. They need me at the office. Is it okay if—”
“Sure, sure.” I smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”
Nathan took a quick shower and changed into a full suit. He looked so incredibly handsome. “You don’t look like a guy who drunk dialed his girlfriend yesterday while singing along to his favorite band.” I laughed as we walked to the front door.
“Bloody hell.” He seemed embarrassed about it. And by the look on his face, I could tell he was trying to shove those memories to the back of his mind.
“I just hope you remember watching the concert,” I said as he opened the door to leave.
He laughed. “I do, actually. I feel like my body disconnected the second they were done with the show.” He held me tight in his arms. “I’ll call you later. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, looking up into his eyes.
Nathan left. I walked to my room and threw myself face-first onto my bed, hugging my pillows.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on my wall.William.It’s as if I knew he was going to do it. I didn’t know if he heard us or not. I still kept wishing he didn’t. But I knew I had to stop being paranoid, or I could end up going nuts about nothing.
He knocked again, heavier this time, probably trying to get a response from me. Only this time, I didn’t knock back. It was time for me to let him go.
For good.
March 5, 2009
NINA AND CJhad been staying with me for over two weeks now. It was their last weekend in my apartment. The dynamic was comfortable and fun. They were both studying business at NYU and had a varied school schedule. Sometimes they would be gone in the mornings, other times in the afternoon, but we tried having dinner together almost every night.
CJ loved the kitchen. He always had a new recipe he wanted to cook for us. Some of his dishes were better than others, but overall, he did considerably well most of the time.
There were a few nights, especially on the weekends, where Nina didn’t come back to sleep. She would stay over with Juan Pablo. CJ told me they were having issues with their relationship, but Nina hadn’t opened up to me about them.
Oddly enough, Nina and Caleb hadn’t been flirting with each other. They would say hi, maybe ask how they were doing, and that was that.
