Page 17 of Heartstruck at Dawn
And it hurt like hell to hear him tell me all these things because they were the truth. And the truth stings and burns and bites back at you until you acknowledge it.
I could feel the struggle, the eagerness to fight against the facts: I wanted Caleb to stay, I wasn’t ready to risk him leaving, and I didn’t know what I wanted.
It’s just that I couldn’t brush off the feeling of rejection. It was harder having Caleb be the one to say these things to me. Even though he was right about everything, it still hurt.
He was doing the talking for me. I needed to understand that.
I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. My mind felt like a unit now. A solid-state drive. “Just … you’re not leaving me for some job in Tel Aviv, or some shit like that, right?”
“I promised to stay. And that’s what I’m aiming at.”
I knew it was the right thing to do. The safe thing to do, but I was heartbroken.
“Okay,” I muttered, giving in to full integration.
“Come here.” Caleb extended his arms, and I moved over the bulky central console and threw myself at him, holding him tight. My face flush against his chest. “Iadoreyou,” he whispered in my ear. “I’d do anything for you. You know that, Red.Weare forever.”
I knew that.
“And you’re sure there’s nothing wrong with me? You’re not making all this up to—”
“Stop. Okay? Just—stop. I’mnotgoing anywhere. You’re stuck with me. For good.”
WE WERE STILL WAITINGinside the SUV a few blocks away from the apartment building, and Caleb’s phone finally buzzed. Aaron informed him thatthe situationhad been handled, and Caleb drove me back home. I didn’t even dare ask how theyhandledThomas. It was best not to know. I trusted them to manage things in the best way possible. And I knew they wouldn’t hurt him.
I concentrated on breathing slowly and evenly to keep the tears in check as Caleb drove me back home. I knew this was the right way to go, and I kept reminding myself I would still see Caleb every day, but my stomach was upset, and my eyes felt heavy from the quake of emotions I’d just gone through with Caleb.
I instinctively searched for his hand and held it during the short ride back home. He held mine back without objection. I couldn’t remember the last time I sat in the front seat of a car. It was kind of cool.
“I’ll walk her,” Caleb said, tossing the car keys to Aaron, who was waiting for us outside the building.
It made me feel at ease that Caleb was walking me up to my apartment. I wasn’t afraid of Thomas. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but it startled me to see him in such a bad condition. It was a shame that things had to end like this.
“Can we talk about Thomas?” I asked Caleb as we walked toward the elevators. “What’s going on?”
“Yeah, well, he’s ah—been making appearances outside your apartment, trying to get a hold of you.” Caleb looked away and summoned the elevator.
“What? Since when?”
“Ever since you blocked him two weeks ago. I guess he figured out you did, and well, he didn’t take it so well. Your father’s upset about this, as you can imagine.” The elevator doors opened for us, and Caleb gestured for me to go inside. I just hoped this wouldn’t augment my father’s already heightened apprehensiveness.
But Thomas’s behaviorwasgetting out of hand.
“What do you think I should do?” I was concerned. “Should I talk to him or—”
“Nothing—no.No. Let us handle it. There’s nothing to worry about. You let me do the worrying for you.” I understood why Caleb had been following me inside the restaurants and standing right outside my classroom’s door. They were amping up the security without me noticing it altogether.
I unlocked my apartment door and turned around to hug Caleb.
It was an important hug. It meant things were going back to normal with us. I don’t think either of us was thrilled, butit is what it is.
“Can I have one last kiss?” he asked. “I swear I won’t—”
I shut him up by giving him the kiss he’d asked for. I really wanted it too. A single goodbye kiss couldn’t harm anyone.
I hoped.
He ran his fingers through my hair and down my neck. His other hand found the small of my back and pulled me even closer to him. I stood on my tiptoes and reached out for his neck with my arms. Caleb was making it hard for me to accept we were going back to being friends with that kiss.
