Page 3 of Heartstruck at Dawn
Thomas stopped to stare at the empty gallery wall for a second with a deep crease in between his brows. He bobbed his head a few times and made his way to the living room with an air of defeat. You could tell he wasn’t happy that I’d taken his portrait down.
We sat, and I waited for Thomas to do the talking. He held his hands together, rested his elbows over his knees, and anxiously shook his feet.
“I’m so sorry, Billie,” he said as a creative opening statement. “I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing as of late. And I want to change that. I really do. I want to stop asking for your forgiveness. But to do that, I need you to give me another chance.” He let out a breath through his mouth and looked me in the eye. “I lost it the other day, and I admit that. But please, just let me fix this.”
I didn’t know if forgiving Thomas was the solution. The real problem that I saw was that he had shown his true colors more than a few times. He was controlling, manipulative, and jealous beyond reasonable measure. But I had already told him that when we broke up on the phone—sort of.
Just looking at him was exhausting.
Most of all, I was angry about how he ruined my bet with William. It was much more than a game. It was William’s way of letting me know who he was, in his own way. But Thomas took that away from us, and he made William feel like shit. And, ultimately, Thomas drove William away from me.
“I don’t know if I can go back to where we were before all of this,” I said, my brows bunching up. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” He grimaced. “Please, just tell me why? I’m willing to change and be better for you. Please believe me.”
He moved closer to me, and I flinched away almost imperceptibly.
“We’re caught up in a vicious cycle. Something bad happens, you’re sorry, I forgive you, on repeat,” I explained. “But you’re not doing anything different to make things better—to break that cycle.” I was so fed up with the toxic stimulation Thomas had going on. “I can’t change who you are. That’s not how it works. I’m honestly finding it hard to keep up with”—I waved a lazy hand back and forth between us—“all of this.”
He looked pissed now. Not that I would stop because of it.
“Not to mention how extremely disrespectful you were the other night. I know you’re sorry about it, but I haven’t been able to brush the feeling off. And we didn’t even talk about what I saw under your bed.”
Thomas readjusted himself on his seat and leaned in to say in a low almost creepy voice, “Those condoms werenotmine. I wouldnevercheat on you—you know that.” His jaw clenched, and his nostrils flared for a couple of loud, heavy breaths. I don’t know if he wanted to intimidate me into believing him, but I wasn’t planning on playing along.
And did I know that he wouldnevercheat on me? With Thomas, I didn’t know what to expect anymore. And I honestly didn’t care. I was done with him.
“Look, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m not your girlfriend anymore, and you don’t owe me anything.”
“Please, don’t say that.” It was a plea, but his voice was getting rougher. What was I to say? It was the truth, and I needed him to understand that we werenotdating anymore. I tried pulling the plug nicely, and it didn’t work before. It wasn’t easy, but I needed to be firm.
“The empty condom packages you saw under my bed belong to Nicholas,” he finally revealed.
“Nicholas?” Thomas’s go-to scapegoat.
It was an interesting turn of events, and I wasn’t sure if I would eat that up. Not that it would make any difference.
“He uses the apartment from time to time. That’s why we keep a spare key in the safety box outside. You can imagine my reaction when I came back and saw them after you told me about it. I guess that’s why I’ve never felt comfortable taking you there, knowing I don’t have the place to myself.”
He seemed genuine. Still, I couldn’t help but think about his love-hate relationship with Nicholas. Why did Thomas allow his behavior? Did Nicholas have something on Thomas? It felt that way because seeing Thomas interact with Nicholas didn’t match up with his personality. Thomas wasn’t the pushover type of guy. And it seemed to me like Thomas had given Nicholas one too many chances.
Fortunately, it wasn’t my problem anymore.
“Okay,” I said with a shrug.
“So, that’s it?” he asked with irritation. “That’s all you have to say? Do you believe me?”
“I do.”
I wasn’t sure if I did or not, but there was no point in arguing or getting into any further details. There was nothing he could say or do that would convince me to get back together with him. And he needed to know that.
“Thomas, there’s no easy way to say it, but I’m sure of this.” I took a deep breath. “Idon’twant to get back together. I’m done. I’m sorry things had to end this way, but I can’t move forward after all that’s happened.”
I swallowed the huge lump in my throat after telling him that. It was hard to say it, but I knew it was for the best. “I’m sorry,” I repeated as he stared at me in silence.
“It’s because of him, isn’t it?”
If he only knew…
