Page 32 of Heartstruck at Dawn
W.S:I was furious. I said things I didn’t mean that day. It’s hard enough to pretend to be with Erin for the premieres. But I don’t want you to see it. Once I’m back, I’ll be done with the charade. I need you to trust me.
Trust—a struggle. I knew that refraining from googling the events was the most reasonable thing to do, but my curious nature would have difficulty resisting the temptation. And since hope was the night’s theme … I hoped William was telling the truth about Erin and that I could find the strength to stop worrying about it.
And Caleb … Well, he didn’t offer to walk me to my door when we arrived home.
Whatever.
October 29, 2009
I BARELY TALKEDto William on the days he was away. I assumed he was busy working, and the time difference wasn’t helpful either. He was promoting his new film in Europe, so he traveled to a different country every other day. I behaved myself and hadn’t googled him, just as he asked me. That helped me not to think about him with Erin in that setting.
I still hadn’t asked anyone to come with me to CJ’s party, and I didn’t have a costume. CJ had called to pressure me into inviting someone as soon as possible. He even offered to fix me up with someone, but that wasn’t going to happen. Not again. I was in denial about going to the party. I don’t know why.
William texted me today to let me know he would arrive in New York late at night. I still couldn’t help but be skeptical about the things he said to me. Silent anxiety crept up on me like a night predator.
What was true is that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Maybe that’s why I hadn’t invited anyone to CJ’s party. I was secretly hoping William would come with me. And I didn’t know if that was even possible or if he would want to come. But I played around with the thought during class most of the day.
Our teacher dismissed us earlier than usual after handing in a project. It was still early. I decided to go for a run before training with Grant at 7:00 p.m.
Me:Caleb, I’m going out for a run. Can I meet you downstairs in ten?
Caleb: Of course, Miss Murphy. David and I will see you there.
Caleb kept calling meMiss Murphy, even when we were alone or when we texted privately. He couldn’t get over the fact that my father saw us hugging and wanted to pretend like we weren’t friends anymore. More like we never were or hadn’t kissed more than a few times.
And I don’t know about him, but that was kind of hard to forget.
On our way back from our run, I stopped at Gapstow Bridge, one of my favorite landmarks in Central Park. There are many beautiful spots here, but the stone’s warmth and the climbing plants that envelop Gapstow Bridge captivated me.
“Caleb, I need to talk to you,” I said with a commanding voice. He felt uncomfortable behaving as he used to around me. I tried changing how I directed myself to him too. It was either that or no communication whatsoever. If he sensed I was trying to be too friendly, he would back off and completely shut me out.
“Yes, Miss Murphy,” he said in between subtle vaporous pants. It was a cold and foggy afternoon, and we all had stopped running abruptly, which made me feel out of breath too. I walked up toward the highest part of the bridge and waited for him. He quickly followed me and stood to my left with his annoying bodyguard stance.
“This—needs to stop, Caleb.” I gestured from him to me and back. “We’re friends. I know you’re on duty right now, but that never stopped you before from being friendly with me. And now you’re just—cold. Mean.”
Caleb looked in every direction except mine as if he were evaluating the multiple potentialthreatsaround me.
Unnecessary.
“Caleb, look at me!” I didn’t care about the few people staring as they walked by. His attitude was exasperating.
He peeked over his shoulders and took a few steps forward. He leaned in and whispered with his thick accent, “Miss Murphy, your father has made it perfectly clear about what his expectations are regarding my duties and responsibilities while on the job.” He finally met my steady, unblinking gaze. “And off the job, too.”
He was taking hisjobtoo seriously.
“What did you two talk about?” I wondered what my father had told him to make him act this way.
Caleb refused to answer my question. I explained how I’d cleared the air with my father concerning the hug—making it apparent thatIhad hugged him. Not the other way around.
“I reminded my father that we’re friends and have been for a while now. He assured me he would talk to you after I mentioned how you felt uncomfortable by the situation. Did you get the opportunity to talk?”
Caleb took a deep breath while a couple of sweat droplets ran down his temples. Since he was unwilling to speak, I took my phone out and told him I would call my father for answers.
“Wait.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. I tucked my phone back in my jacket pocket and waited for him to start talking. He placed both of his hands on the stone railing and let his head drop. “We did talk, and he wasn’t happy,” he began. “I know you tried explaining, but it wasn’t enough. He told me he was disappointed and that he expected better from me. But I feel like shit now because he’s right. Ishouldknow better than to get involved with my boss’s daughter.”
It was so disappointing to hear that my father had told me one thing and Caleb another. He was still treating me like a child, which made me feel like he didn’t trust me to know how to make any right decisions for myself.
“So, you’re saying we cannot be friends because my father says so?” I crossed my arms in front of me. “What are we, ten?”
