Page 85 of Heartstruck at Dawn
“Do you want to open your gift?” I asked him, trying to change the vibe. It was best to pick up where we left off and pretend as if nothing had happened. He agreed and unwrapped it.
“Oh, God! I absolutelyloveit,” he said, looking at it. “You look so beautiful. Thank you, Murph.”
I gave him a big hug and a quick peck on the lips. “I’m glad you liked it. I shot it myself.”
“Really? It’s perfect.”
We ate our pizza with a bottle of wine and talked for hours. It had been the longest day, and my eyelids felt heavy, but I wanted to keep talking to Nathan.
His phone buzzed. It was a few minutes past two in the morning.
“It’s the London office. I need to take this,” he said, rubbing his face. His work was insanely demanding. I wondered how many calls he took while he slept every night.
“I’ll be in my bedroom.” I stood up and kissed his hair. I brushed my teeth with big plans of waiting for Nathan to be done with his call, although I didn’t think I was capable of keeping myself awake any longer.
I was about to turn off my phone when I saw a text notification from William on my screen.
W.S:My offer stands. I’ll back off whenever you’re willing to tell me you feel nothing.
Me:I feel lots of things. Anger, exasperation, disappointment, and frustration, to name a few. It was one thing to trick me into going, but ruining Nathan’s surprise for me? That was a low blow.
W.S:You’ll always have the freedom to choose with me. Say the word, and I’ll stop.
Me:Back off.
W.S:That’s not how it works.
Me:What do you want from me?
W.S:Tell me you feel nothing. That’s the cue.
Me:I feel nothing.
W.S:That’s the spirit. The only problem is I don’t believe you. But I appreciate the effort.
Tiny daggers came at my chest this time—a million of them. William had to fade away with time, and then I’d be able to say I felt nothing and actually feelnothing. I hated how he could see right through me. There was no way to cloak myself from him.
Me:I feel nothing.
Perhaps if I wrote it a few times, it’d come true.
And I swear I heard a laugh across the wall.
W.S:You can always try again some other time because I’m not getting much “nothing” vibes over here. Sweet dreams, älskling.
Oh my God! He had this tailor-made magic formula of how to flawlessly get under my skin until it hit the bone. I was tempted to throw my phone against the wall. Instead, I took a deep breath and turned it off.
Once my head was comfortably resting on my pillow, the sound of William’s piano became audible. The sound was soft and distant, but I could hear it.
It was the first time I ever heard him play. He wasn’t playing fluidly. It’s as if he were learning a new song, but I couldn’t tell which one it was. The notes were lovely, and even though he was playing around with them, the sound lulled me into an ironically deep and peaceful sleep.
December 22, 2009
MY DOORBELL RANG.I heard it loud and clear, but my body wouldn’t respond. My eyes felt heavy, and I fell asleep again—a dream.
My phone buzzed on my nightstand.William?
“Mmm,” I groaned, still half-asleep, eyes shut.
