Page 131 of Heartstruck at Dawn
I ended the call, tucked my phone back in the hoodie’s pocket, and huffed air out of my mouth. Lily gave me a side hug, and I let my head rest on her shoulder. We sat like that without talking for a while.
No one had anything else to say. I’m sure we were all thinking the same thing:Whenthe hellcan we see William?
Agent Johnson brought coffee and cookies for everyone.
She was a keeper.
We made small talk as we drank our coffee and ate our cookies. We mostly talked about Tobias’s premiere and how good the film was. No one asked me a thing about what happened last night. I don’t know if they’d already been informed or if they thought it was all too fresh to ask. But I was thankful. Talking about nothing was exactly what I needed.
Dr. Lindström came inside the waiting room, and I jumped up to my feet, placing my coffee cup on the side table. My father walked closed behind him. Their faces looked sullen. Dr. Lindström dropped his gaze to the floor, and my father looked at me shaking his head.
Oh God,no. No,no,no.Something happened to William.
EVERYONE SPRANGreactively from their seats. “What’s wrong?” Joel and I asked at the same time.
“Oh, kiddo.” My father approached me and placed his arms around me. “Caleb, he—” he trailed off, unable to say the words. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“No!” I yelled, pulling away from him. “He what? Caleb, what?”
“He didn’t make it through the surgery,” he managed to say. “He’s gone.”
“But he—no! I-it was just his shoulder! H-he was sitting on the curbside when the ambulance arrived. And he was losing blood, but—but that was it. No!” My sobs ran loose as my mind kept attempting to process the devastation. “He promised!” I screamed in between pants, trying to walk out of the waiting room, trying to leave, to go somewhere. Anywhere! But my father held me tightly. “I want to see him! You don’t understand! H-hepromisedto stay.”
Lily wept behind me.
This isn’t happening.
I brought my hands to my face and rubbed my eyes roughly. MaybeIwas dead and had gone straight to hell. I probably deserved it. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. And Caleb had to pay for my stupid mistakes.
I took a few steps back and dropped on the couch with an empty gaze as I stared into nothing.
“I’m so sorry.” My father held my hands and squatted on the floor in front of me. “Youwillbe able to see him, but not right now.”
“This is all my fault,” I whispered to myself, my voice shaking. My father stood up and sat next to me.
Calebdiedbecause of me.
William wasshotbecause of me.
I never listened to Caleb. He didn’t trust Thomas, and I never cared to listen—to trust his gut. All of thiswasmy fault. All he ever cared about was my well-being. And I got him killed because I was too stubborn to believe him.
“It’s not, kiddo,” my father said softly, hugging me again.
Everything went dark around me—gray. Lifeless. All I could hear was that voice inside my head telling me, “Well,it kind of is.”
Caleb saved me when my mother died. I was paralyzed, and he helped me feel like myself again when I thought I couldn’t. But without him, the numbness enveloped me once more, but nowhewas missing.
What the heck am I going to do now?
“He was my best friend—he—” I rested my elbow on my knee and shielded my eyes with my hand. My lungs tightened on me again.
Breathe. I could feel my lungs being squashed again by this invisible wrath brought to you by panic, grief, and unbounded denial.
I couldn’t. I really, really couldn’t.
My father stroked my back, but it wasn’t helpful. It wasn’t enough. Nothing wouldeverbe enough.
Breathe,breathe,breathe.
