Page 19 of Heartstruck at Dawn
My hands shook. I didn’t know if I should reply or not. It was like a wave of overwhelming emotions crashing against me. I could feel the outrage seething up from my subconscious, waking up and making a scene inside my head. I was still stunned. Still hurt.
Still … curious.
Me:Never.
W.S.:Great. I know what that means.
Me:It means on no occasion.
W.S.:That too, smart ass.
And there it was again, that chemical cocktail of dopamine, endorphins, and adrenaline William couldfixfor me in an instant, triggered by both excitement and exasperation. And I chugged it down without a second thought. Every single drop of it. Every damn time.
He got me hooked on it, but I didn’t know it.
I needed to sandblast the surface of my too transparent demeanor and make it less sheer, less obvious for people to read right through me. Caleb could, and William obviously did somehow. But I wouldneverconcede to it.
Me:Go to hell.
October 20, 2009
ALMOST A MONTHand a half had gone by since Caleb and I decided to go back to our regular, day-to-day dynamic. But it was understood we couldn’t go back to exactly where we stood before he opened up to me about his feelings.
We didn’t feel pressured anymore. The kissing had stopped, but there was still some inevitable flirting here and there. We had fun with it and didn’t think there was anything wrong with doing it. We couldn’t help it, either.
I’d found peace in my decisions. All I wanted was to keep Caleb close to me, and once I understood that he wasn’t going anywhere, everything fell into its right place.
William’s presence was somehow gone from the building. I hadn’t seen or heard from him after telling him to go to hell. Maybe he did as he was told. But damn, I couldn’t seem to get him out of my head. Knowing he slept two floors above mine made him feel so close yet out of grasp.
I needed to get myself programmed for a lobotomy because not only was thinking about him pointless, but he was also in a relationship with someone else. I couldn’t allow these thoughts to mess with my new zen mode, so I just pushed them back down into a dusty corner of my mind.
God knows I tried to kick them out, but it was useless. The thoughts refused to leave my brain. They were somehow ingrained now. It was better to take a step back and let them do their thing because they got territorial and liked to flash their pointy teeth at me.
So back to the dusty corner it is.
Nolan and I worked on a midterm project together after school. It was a little past five in the afternoon, and he had to leave to get to work on time. I walked him down.
We were going over our to-do list for the project on my phone’s notepad. Nolan seemed suddenly distracted and grinned at my screen.
“What?” His smile was contagious and made me curious about what was triggering it.
“I met someone,” he finally revealed. “Her name’s Emily.”
“Oh, my God!” I squealed. “Tell me all about her!” I hugged him with excitement, but he went stiff as soon as I held him.
I pulled back with my brows in a bunch, hoping I hadn’t done anything wrong, and saw him looking over my shoulder. I inevitably peeked that way and saw William, Joel, Lily, and Tobias walking our way. My reaction was to grab Nolan’s arm because I could already feel how my knees threatened to buckle on me.
They were all dressed up and probably attending some kind of fancy event. Lily wasbreathtaking, and Williamhadgone to hell and back because he looked irritatingly hot.
He wore a dark blue suit, white shirt, no tie, a few buttons undone, and I wasn’t prepared for it. But I guess no warning would have sufficed.
Lily walked up to us and hugged me. I hadn’t seen her in a while. She remembered Nolan and greeted him by his name. He seemed excited about that.
William’s golden buttery hair was perfectly done, and not a single strand was out of place. His face was clean-shaven, and his skin a bit tanned. It all made his absurdly blue eyes stand out even more.
Couldn’t he just stay in hell? Or maybe I had joined him.
Tobias and Joel said hi to me as they walked by. William took a quick glimpse at Nolan, then turned his gaze at me as he walked beside us.
