Page 76 of Heartstruck at Dawn
Making him respect my relationship with Nathan was going to be harder than I thought. But I couldn’t have him stand there forever. I knew how stubborn he could be, and I knew I wasn’t strong enough physically to push him away, either. When he wanted to act like a tree, he was a sequoia. Impossible to move.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t drunk like when he tried to kiss me on Midsummer. He was easier to shove away that day.
I pulled the hoodie over my head and tossed it on the foyer table. I was wearing a white, long-sleeve t-shirt underneath.
“Anything else?” I asked.
William pulled the right corner of his mouth slightly upward, looking triumphant. “Are you taking requests? I do have a list, remember?”
“Not really,” I replied, not able to hold in a smile.
“Wait.” He took a few steps forward and took my scrunchie off my hair, making my hair fall on my back, tossing all these memories and feelings back at me like a cold, hard slap to the face.
“I love that scrunchie,” I protested. I tried stealing it back from him, but he held it over his head. I wasn’t going to make a fool out of myself and start jumping like a circus dog.
Keep it.
“You know I like your hair down.” He offered me the most playful grin ever. “Wanna trade?” he asked, looking at Nathan’s hoodie.
“Never!” I grabbed the hoodie and hugged it. I was afraid he would snatch it away too.
He shook his head and clicked his tongue a few times with disapproval. My eyes followed his hands as he placed my scrunchie on his wrist and turned around to leave. It was all so bittersweet.
“That’s it? That’s why you came knocking at my door? To have me take the hoodie off and steal my scrunchie?”
“Yes.” He walked back and stood right where he did before—not a single step further than that. I hadn’t invited him in. Nor did I plan to. He knew that much.
“At least tell me how Eric is doing.”
“He’s not okay.” William’s gaze turned to the floor with a furrowed brow. “He’s angry and disappointed right now. It’ll take time for him to make sense of it. It’s normal, I guess.”
“And how are you doing?”
“I’ve known about their issues for a while. Joel too. I kinda saw it coming. I’m close to my father. We talk a lot about these—sorts of things. Tobias and Eric were clueless.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.” He wanted to act like he was okay, but I could tell the situation had moved him too. He was trying to be strong for his brothers, but it wasn’t his burden to carry.
“I’m fine. Just disappointed. My mother couldn’t cope with my father’s profession, which ismyprofession, too. And a few other—stuff that I can’t really talk about.” He looked away. “It gets you thinking.”
His father was always away from home for long periods of time, working. I’d only seen him twice since I moved to New York. That couldn’t have been easy for his mother.
“I’m sure it will all turn out for the best,” I said, my lips going into a tight smile.
William nodded once, but he seemed uncomfortable with the conversation. Talking about his feelings like that wasn’t his forte. He struggled with that. “So … Thank you for talking to Eric. Have a good night, Guille.”
He took five ridiculous steps away from where he stood and arrived at his door. “Don’t you dare put that hoodie back on,” he said with a smirk. “I’ll get you a new one. YourfirstHammarby hoodie. I’ll make sure it’s green and cozy.” He winked and quickly brushed his lower lip before disappearing into his apartment while a betraying voice inside my head suggested I touch my lower lip just as he did. I ignored that voice, of course. Instead, I threw Nathan’s hoodie back on.
Ah!I hate William Sjöberg!
But I hated even more how that wasn’t even close to being true.
December 11, 2009
WE WERE GOINGto celebrate Nathan’s birthday by going to dinner with Lily and Joel. I was on my way to have his present professionally wrapped. I’m sure I’d make a mess of it if I tried doing it myself. I was so excited about Nathan’s gift. I knew he would love it.
“I’ll help you carry it,” Caleb said, stepping out of the car. The trunk opened up, and I smiled when I saw it again. It was a 20” by 20” portrait of myself. I usually printed these 40” by 40”, but I didn’t want to come off too strong and territorial by giving him amassiveportrait of myself. I wanted it to be discreet without being too small either.
Caleb grabbed it and followed me inside the shop. He carefully placed it on the counter, and a store clerk wearing a light blue apron approached us quickly afterward. Gary.
