Page 16 of Awestruck at Dusk
“I get it, okay? I can wait for you to feel ready again. We don’t have to—”
I placed my hand on Nathan’s cheek and took my lips to his. I kissed him slowly, tenderly, and he kissed me back. “I don’t want to wait,” I whispered.
It was nice and comforting even to remember what having Nathan so close to me in this way felt like. It’s as if I hadn’t been allowing myself to do so in the past few weeks. But I felt safe and loved and I didn’t want all those feelings to go to waste. I wanted to feel them even if they threatened not to last long because they were only given this small, allotted time to exist within the chaos.
We could hear music coming from William’s apartment across the wall as we kissed. I didn’t think William was within hearing range. That meant I had one less thing to worry about.
For today.
I laid on my back and pulled Nathan with me.
“I can be gentle,” he said in between kisses.
“I know you can.”
Come Rain or Shine
April 8, 2010
THOMAS HAS ME PINNEDon my bed.His hands tightly fastened around my aching wrists that throb with pain.William darts into my bedroom,and without a second thought,Thomas brings his gun up and shoots him twice.
Boom. Heart.
Boom.Head.
William falls limp on the floor,and Thomas takes the gun to his head next.I close my eyes,and an intense bang is heard,waking me up.
I sat up in my bed, panting, sweating. And I quickly realized that the intense sound came from the wall dividing William’s room with mine because he knocked again, startling me.
My mind was still lingering in that void in between dreams and total awareness. But the doorbell rang a few seconds later, followed by a few desperate knocks, and that sure woke me up.
I rushed to the door, knowing perfectly well that it was William. He must’ve heard me scream. I didn’t want him to worry. This was my cross to bear. Not his.
After unlocking the multiple fancy new locks on my door with my left hand, I finally managed to open it. William dashed inside without a second thought and placed his arms around me.
“You were screaming,” he said, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Was it a nightmare again? Like in the hospital?”
Feeling his arms around me had me relaxing once again. The warmth and gentleness with which he did was so comforting.
Since it was early, he didn’t smell like his cologne but rather like a fresh summer breeze. Clean. Soapy. Crisp.
“Yes, but I’m fine,” I said. “It’s fine.”
You’re fine.Thank God.
He grabbed my face in between both of his hands and met my gaze. My lips trembled, and I could feel myself swallowing back the tears. “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling a rogue tear rolling down my cheek.
“What would you be sorry for?” he asked, wiping the tear away with his thumb.
“Nothing. I’m just—I didn’t mean to startle you,” I muttered. “I don’t know how to make the nightmares stop.”
“You don’t have to make anything stop,” he reassured me. His arms embraced me once again, and I allowed myself to rest my face in the refuge of his chest. “What you went through wasn’t just—anything. You need to allow yourself to heal from it all.”
“We,” I corrected and reminded him. “Whatwewent through. And it was even worse for you. Y-you took a bullet. For me! And I shouldn’t—”
“Stop. I’m here for you,” he said. “Right beside you. Whenever you need me”—he cupped my chin with his fingers and met my gaze—“okay?”
I nodded, slowly breaking away from his arms, and spotted William’s watch on his wrist. I grabbed it to see the time.
