Page 2 of Awestruck at Dusk
I could deal with the guilt and the machinations of my subconscious in the privacy of my own head.
“Um, yeah.” I made myself smile again, trying to reassure him. “It was just a nightmare.” I waved a limp hand in a careless motion, trying not to give it any importance. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m doing okay,” he answered, his features relaxing.
“Did you get any sleep? You should be resting right now.”
“Well, my mother just left. Tobias and Eric stepped in for a while too, so I snoozed here and there in between visits.”
Oh. Shit.Did they see me sleeping in William’s bed?
“Oh, um, did they—”
“No,” he replied with a subtle frown. “Joel was the first to come in after you fell asleep. He moved you before anyone else stepped in. Don’t worry about it.” He licked his lower lip and looked away.
“No, I—I’m not worried. I just wanted to know.” Lame answer.
William countered with a snort and a couple of slow head shakes. He was most probably annoyed about my concern with being seen sleeping beside him, but the situation was complicated enough as it was.
That’s when the memories of a few hours ago crashed on me. The things he said, the things I said back. And how I still meant and felt every single word, including those that remained unspoken.
A tingling warmth that I couldn’t seem to catalog occupied my gut, and my head still felt heavy from the medication. But I can’t say I didn’t welcome the feeling. It was better than having my brain’s functions reestablished. I didn’t want to think about Caleb. About him being gone. I refused to accept my reality.
“One of your agents dropped this for you earlier,” Joel said, cutting in. And I thanked him for changing the subject. He handed over a small bag to me.
“Oh, thanks.” I placed it on top of a chair and opened it to find a single black hoodie inside.
At least the color was suitable. But now I had to change out of the green Hammarby hoodie William gave me, and there was no way he wouldn’t notice because I couldn’t step out of his room wearing it. Nathan was somewhere outside waiting for me.
Nathan.
There was no easy way to do it.
William’s brows bunched up. He kept looking at me funny with narrowed eyes, scanning through the mess that leaked out of my brain, like he could sense my awkwardness. I didn’t know where I stood with him. All I knew was that the way he kept looking at me still provoked the same things it always did … but somehow, it was worse now. How had things changed so much in the last twenty-four hours?
Dealing with the guilt was the toughest part. I still couldn’t brush off the feeling that he was lying in that hospital bed because of me. It was getting harder for me to look at him.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, finally finding my voice, walking toward the small bedroom where I’d woken up a few minutes ago to change out of the hoodie. But a loud knock on the door startled me before I could reach the guest room’s door.
The muffled sound of voices arguing on the other side of the door became audible, and the door flew open.
“Murph.”
I dropped the bag on the floor, and Nathan flew across the room. He held my face in between his hands and placed a soft, quick kiss on my lips. He embraced me gently and kissed my hair.
“I’m sorry. I was going insane out there. They wouldn’t let me in, and Joel just texted me to let me know you had just woken up,” he explained. He was talking so fast that I could feel the anxiety dripping off of every word. “Oh God, I’m so glad you’re okay.” He kissed my hair again as I hugged him tight around his waist with one arm.
He didn’t even notice what I was wearing or what I smelled like. Good.
Nathan backed away from me and walked over to William’s bedside. “How are you holding up, mate?” Nathan offered his hand to him, and William took it, smiling back at him with a tight mouth and a simple nod. “I wanted to thank you,” Nathan said, his voice almost breaking. “Thank you for being there when I wasn’t. I have no words for what you did.”
“Don’t, it’s—” William trailed off and looked at me for a split second. “I’m glad I was there, too.”
Nathan nodded at William and walked back to me. I was paralyzed. And it seemed to me like Joel was too. “Let me take you home, love.”
Home.
I didn’t want to set foot in my apartment. I didn’t even know if it was possible to go back.
