Page 23 of Awestruck at Dusk
Perhaps there was something else I was missing to make sense of this—a missing puzzle piece.La pièce de la résistance.
But what?
“He even paid for everything, can you believe that?” Nathan added, looking away. Defeated. “I don’t even know how much going to Juilliard costs, but it’s not cheap.”
Wow. I knew William had a lot of money, but paying for Juilliard? Helping her get in? William must’ve genuinely cared about Zara. You just don’t do that for anyone.
“I’m just fucking jealous, you know?I’mher brother, and I know I don’t have the kind of money to pay for that right now or a big enough place for her to stay with me. And I know I’ll get there eventually. It’s just—”
“Why doesn’t she stay with me?”
It was the least I could do for my sister-in-law.
Perfect Stillness
“YOU WOULD DO THAT?”Nathan asked, his eyes gleaming with gratitude.
“Anything for you.” I kissed his cheek. He seemed relieved like I took a weight off his shoulders and tossed it out the window. I knew that’s what he probably preferred, for her sister to stay with me instead.
But I knew Nathan too well to know he would never ask unless I’d offered it myself. And I didn’t know if having Zara stay with me was the best idea. I would most likely freak her out with my nightmares. Nathan didn’t know how bad or how frequent they’d been. I didn’t want him to worry.
I’d rather deal with the embarrassment than sleep a wall away from William, knowing Zara’s there too,supposedlysleeping in his guest bedroom, while a million scenarios developed in the deep wells of my imagination.
“I was planning on talking to Joel about this. I mean, she could stay with them too.”
“It’s fine, really. I want to meet Zara and get to know her better.”
“It’ll only be for a few days, maybe a week, I promise,” he said, his voice low, placing a gentle kiss on the corner of my mouth. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow and see what she’s really up to. She’ll have plenty of time to find her own place before the fall term begins. There’s absolutelyno wayI’ll be fine with them being flatmates.”
Good thinking.
“She can stay as long as she needs, no problem.”
“I’m so cross, though,” he added. “I don’t get why she shuts me out like that. And I have to find out through William of all people? For Christ’s sake.” Nathan shook his head, seemingly exasperated. “William said she wasafraidof telling me. That I would disapprove.”
He did disapprove. Before, Nathan told me how he thought it was ridiculous for Zara to want to be an actress. And that’s why I guess Zara wasn’t keeping Nathan in the loop. She knew he wasn’t supportive of her dream.
This was all too complicated—the entanglement of it all. And not knowing if William and Zara were just friends destroyed me. I needed to see them interact, and all I wanted was to go to bed and let it be tomorrow.
“And where do your parents stand in all of this?” I asked. I was curious to know why Nathan assumed somewhat of a father-figure role with her.
“My family isn’t the most—functional family out there,” he began.
Whose is?There must be some perfectly oiled families out there, but I could relate to Nathan on this one.
“Evie’s got her family now and is devoted to Ollie and her husband George. She’s never had the time or energy to deal with Zara.
“Charlotte, as you know, is getting her medical degree, so she’s up to her neck with school. She still has a few years left to go, and her focus is entirely on that. And my parents, well—they’ve got their own problems to deal with. I’ve never told you this, but we grew up listening to them fight almost every night.
“They tried so hard during the day to act like everything was perfect. They never fought in front of us or said a foul word to each other when we were around. Never. But I rememberdreadingthat moment at night where we all went to bed, and the fighting started. The screaming and shouting.”
I grabbed Nathan’s hand and squeezed it. I tried to find his gaze, but he withdrew himself. I’m sure he wanted to let it all out before he allowed me to coddle him.
“My mom did a better job at hiding the pain. But my father—he would have a narky attitude all day after having a big fight. We could easily tell things were bad. And I guess that’s why I developed this—temper. I always found an excuse to get into fights at school, trying to vent. The martial arts helped me with that later on. Joel was helpful too. He would listen when I had no one to talk to. I always felt like I had to be strong for my sisters. That’s why I would never talk to them about it.”
He finally turned his head slightly my way, meeting my gaze from the corner of his eye, his teeth nibbling on his lower lip.
“Zara was just a poppet, and she would come find me at night, scared shitless by the racket coming from my mum and dad’s bedroom. Zara would crawl into my bed, and I would do my best to get her back to sleep. We’ve always been close. It’s not that anything bad happened, but the age difference just pulled us apart a bit. And then one day, she woke up and decided to make William herbestie,” he said with a certain edge that reeked of resentment.
