Page 107 of Awestruck at Dusk
So I would break it off with Nathan and hop on a plane the next day with William? I just wanted to understand how doing that was possible in my world.
Iwasa coward, just as he said. And I’d never heard of a more perfect plan than the one William was proposing. But my mind was lifting four iron walls around me, trapping me, and laughing as it reminded me how I wasn’t free to make that choice, how I didn’t have it in me to hurt Nathan like that—to break his heart. But why shouldn’t I listen to mine and allow it to feel the things it wanted to feel?
“Guille,” William whispered, making me take a deep breath in and snap out of the thought-trance I was in. “Look at me.” He grabbed both of my hands and kissed the back of them. “I can keep you safe. You know I can. We don’t need them.” He sighed. “Will you come?”
“I’m scared,” I whispered back.
“What if I told you that I love you?”
What If
IT DIDN’T MATTERif William loved me because my heart had stopped beating when he said that anyway. My rioting thoughts protested about the oxytocin that flooded my brain and startled my mind.
William’s reassuring gaze met mine. His hands moved to my shoulders, and he squeezed them, reanimating me with his touch.
“Ibloodyknew it,” someone said in the distance. William dropped his hands from my shoulders, and we both glanced toward the stairs to see Zara shaking her head at us with disgust drowning her face.
“Zara.” William stood up.
“Don’t,” she replied to him, holding her hand up.
I didn’t know what to think or what to do. But this was my boyfriend’s sister standing in front of us, letting us know she’d listened in to our conversation. How much of it? Who knew.
Zara stormed off back up the stairs.
“I’ll be right back, okay?” William said, rushing behind her, and that just did it for me. Something raw combusted inside of me. To see him going after her like that. It made me doubt him—again. Why did he have to follow her?
So she’s angry. Let her be.
“I heard you,” I said to William as he climbed the first few steps. He stopped cold and turned to look at me.
“Heard me—what?” he asked, tilting his head. He walked back to me as I gathered the nerve to tell him what I was about to say. “Talk to me.”
“You had sex with Zara on my birthday, and I heard you—her—through the wall when you’d been telling me all day that she was just a friend and that I had nothing to worry about.”
“Excuse me,what?” He grimaced.
“I heard you, William.” A few tears streamed down my face. He’d just told me he loved me, and I still couldn’t trust him. “You keep telling me how I got it all wrong, how she’s just your friend. And now you’re running after her? What do you want me to think when it’s so obvious something’s going on between you?”
“You’re never going to trust me,” William muttered. I didn’t know what hurt more, the speculation of them being more than friends or the disappointment on his face. “Theonlyreason why I can’t tell you the truth is that it’s not my truth to tell. And I don’t know what else to do to get you to trust me. I’ve proven it to you in so many ways, but it’s never enough for you.”
“Well, someone had sex that night in your bedroom, on your bed, and you’re going to deny it was you? I had to sleep on the living room couch that night because I couldn’t bear it.”
“At what time did this happen?” William asked with an exasperated tone, making me feel like I was wasting his time having this conversation.
“3:45 a.m.” I remembered perfectly well.
“Well, I left at 3:30 a.m. for an early morning call. I had to be at the GMA studios by 4:00 a.m. because I was interviewed on the show that day. So no, I didn’t have sex that night.”
What? But I heard …
“Itwasme.” Zara walked down the stairs, wiping her tears off with the back of her hand. She stopped right at the last step and said, “I convinced Nina to stay after we left your apartment. She came in for a drink, and the three of us talked for a while. William left for the GMA interview, and you know how the story ends.”
Shit. I was an idiot. An insecure, jealous, doubting idiot.
“When William came back from the interview, we decided to come here for the rest of the week because he doesn’t have a guest room in his apartment. He’s turned it into an office. So we were going to be more comfortable here,” Zara kept explaining. And the more she talked, the shittier it made me feel. “Besides, William told me everything that day and how he wanted to keep his distance from you, which I didn’t mind since you’d already chosen Nathan. And I thought that was a great idea because I didn’t want Nate to get hurt by this. He loves you.”
“I—I’m sorry. I thought—”
