Page 132 of Awestruck at Dusk
I jumped into the taxi and said, “Newark Airport, please.”
Damn, that felt good. So liberating.
I wasn’t sure if I would make it to the airport without getting caught. Maybe the surveillance camera would get triggered. Hopefully not, but I couldn’t stop smiling anyway. I’d never been allowed in my entire life to even go around the block on my own. The feeling was unexplainable.
All I could think of was how, before the next 24-hours elapsed, I would see William. I didn’t have a clue of what I was going to say once I got there. Probably best not to plan ahead of time.
Lead from the heart. Let the feeling take over and crash against you.
It seemed to me like I was on to a good start.
September 18, 2010
I took a full dose of my sleeping pill three hours into the flight, and it knocked me out for ten hours. There were three more hours to go, so I ate a few snacks and watched a movie.
It finally hit me that I had escaped, and it was 9:00 a.m. in New York, which meant that I had a few hours before Aaron started wondering why I hadn’t checked in for my usual morning run. My anxiety rose by the minute.
Lily called me when I was at the airport. I’d forgotten to call her. I told her about Caleb’s letter, which I’d obviously brought with me. I read it a couple of times on the flight, which helped me to keep shoving the uneasiness aside.
Lily understood my reasons for wanting to go after William when I told her everything. She was heartbroken for Nathan, but she always knew how much I cared about William too. And she swore William felt the same. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up. All I wanted to do was toshowhim my feelings. And as much as I wished for those feelings to be reciprocated, I had to make myself believe that I wasn’t expecting anything from him.
But I was. I wanted so badly for him to feel the same way.
We landed in Johannesburg on time, so I had a couple of hours before I boarded my next flight. I’d been careful to keep my phone on airplane mode. I knew they could easily track it. And even though they would find out I flew to South Africa five minutes into their investigation, I mostly didn’t want to look at the thousands of messages and missed calls that would surely pour into my phone once I turned it on.
I needed to stay focused.
We landed in Cape Town somewhere around 11:00 p.m. It had been the most exhausting feat I’d ever been involved in. The trip destroyed me. But I couldn’t believe I was finally here.
Walking out of the airport alone made me feel empty. I kept looking over my shoulder, somehow still used to having someone following me around all the time. But I can’t say I didn’t love the feeling of doing this by myself.
“Ellerman House, please,” I said to the friendly looking cab driver when I took a seat inside the car, trying to seem casual. I felt like a pro at living life on my own already. And everything had gone so smoothly that I couldn’t help but think Caleb and my mother had something to do with it. I knew they were taking care of me. I could feel it in my bones.
The nerves and the anxiety had drifted away. I was too tired to feel anything. Or so I thought, right until the cab parked in the motor lobby of the hotel where William had been spending the past few days while filming. Alice mentioned this is the same hotel he stayed at during the summer when he asked me to come with him and I refused.
I swiped my card and paid for the cab, keeping the breadcrumbed path alive. The night was chilly, so I rushed inside the lobby after a bellhop offered to help with my luggage.
The hotel was beautiful. It seemed more like a house than a hotel—a huge house. Yet, still intimate for a hotel. It was the perfect place for William to stay. The hotel staff was friendly, and they immediately invited me in. It’s as if I were walking into a spectacular house.
I thanked them and took a seat in the lobby. My phone had to be turned on because I needed to ask Alice a few questions, so there was no way to avoid it.
My phone buzzed as I texted Alice, but I sent it to voicemail. It was an unknown number from the United States. I knew it wasthemlooking for me, so I turned off the cellular data and asked for the hotel’s Wi-Fi password to one of the hotel employees while I waited in the lobby.
Alice finally replied.
Alice:William’s in his room. But I don’t know if he’s alone, Billie. I didn’t want to be creepy asking about it.
Me:Ok. Don’t worry. Thanks.
Alice:I’ll call the hotel right now and let them know you’ve arrived and that you’re authorized to go up to William’s room. I’ll ask them not to let him know you’re coming. I really want you to tell me all about the face he makes when he sees you standing outside his door.
Me:Shit. I’m freaking out. It’s late. Do you think I should book a room and find him tomorrow morning?
Alice:NO!!!! Get your ass in there right now. You gotta keep the momentum going. I’m on the phone with the hotel staff as we speak. Wait a second.
I sighed and laughed under my breath as I imagined Alice enjoying doing all of this with me, holding her phone with her shoulder, probably typing on her laptop like a maniac, too, doing whatever being William’s assistant required her to do.
Alice:Done. Ask for Arno at the front desk. The password for you to be allowed up is LUNA. Haha.
