Page 73 of Awestruck at Dusk
“I don’t want to bore you with the drama. I’m afraid my father will make Cecile leave or something. Please don’t report this. We’re all okay. Joel was here to make sure that things didn’t go too far with Tobias and Jordan.”
Aaron didn’t seem so happy with my request, but he agreed.
“Thank you. I promise it won’t happen again.” I hoped. “Oh, and I just spoke with Sophie. She’s at Ren’s. Could someone pick her up and bring her over?”
“Certainly. I’ll go get her myself.” He nodded and turned around, heading toward the elevator.
“Aaron?”
“Yes, Miss Murphy,” he said over his shoulder.
I wanted to ask him how he was doing. If he was having a hard time as I was. To share the pain in the hopes of making it go away. Together.
But I couldn’t make myself ask such an obvious question when I already knew the answer. And I didn’t know if he wanted to talk about it, so I retreated.
“No, nothing. I—I’ll see you later.” I fled to my apartment, rushed to my bedroom, and grabbed Caleb’s letter from my nightstand. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at it. Two fingers grazing the three letters written on the simple, white envelope.
R E D
I closed my eyes, took the letter to my chest, and pressed it hard against it as if I could somehow suck whatever of Caleb’s essence that still lingered on the paper. But I couldn’t do it. I Couldn’t make myself open it, let alone read it. And there was nothing more I wanted than to listen to him if only one last time. To be able to tell him how much I loved him. Still did.
To thank him for everything he did for me. For having merely existed. To tell him how infinitely grateful I was that our paths had crossed. And that he stayed, as long as he could. Right until the end.
That I would’ve never had enough of his beautiful soul and that I was so selfish to wish that I would’ve rather gone instead of him, just to avoid this excruciating pain.
How I wished for him to be able to keep living his life.
That thought burned my chest like acid dripping torturously on my heart. To think of the life he had ahead of him and that he’d given up because ofme. For my mistakes.
What I would give for one last hug; one last look at Caleb’s sincere and loving hazel eyes that I cherished so much.
My mind gave in to deep sleep as I nestled into my bed and rested my head on my pillows, my body in the fetal position, and Caleb’s letter still pressed against my chest.
I opened my eyes and saw Cecile sleeping next to me, my hand still holding on to Caleb’s letter. Her eyes opened when I sat up on the bed. “Hey,” I said to her. She blinked fast a few times and stretched her arms above her head with a yawn.
She then sat up and hugged me. “Joyeux anniversaire!”
I hugged her back and quickly put Caleb’s letter away on my nightstand drawer afterward. My phone showed a few texts from Nathan, so I called him. He said he’d be coming over in about an hour, suggesting we all go to brunch.
Perfect.
As long as mysisdidn’t show up. But I knew there was no way to avoid that. Nathan was leaving for London the rest of the week, and I was sure he would want to spend as much time with her as possible.
If Nathan knew what happened between William and Zara last night, he’d be setting the whole building on fire.
It was weird to know I had the power to sabotage whatever was brewing between them. But I would never do it. If that’s what William wanted, if that would truly make him happy, I had to respect that. Even if it felt like a million toothpicks were stabbing my chest.
I told Cecile about the brunch plan, and she was in. She then told me Sophie arrived earlier, took a shower, and was now napping on the living room couch.
“I’ve never had a morning nap,” I said to Cecile with a laugh.
“They are the best,” she laughed back, her smile quickly disintegrating.
“Are you okay?” I asked her. “Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?”
“Um, yeah. I’m fine,” she said, picking at her nails. “I thought I’d been clear with Tobias. That it would be easier that way—to be honest from the start. But I see now that it was all a mistake.”
“I feel like shit, Cecile. I didn’t want to cause any trouble when I introduced you to Jordan. And Tobias took me by surprise. I didn’t imagine he would show up, and I didn’t know how to stop him from going into your room. I tried. But when he realized Jordan was here, he just—lost it. He really likes you. I’ve never seen him like this. So affected by someone.”
