Page 18 of Caleb
Rubbing my face, I decide to re-read her message before replying so I don’t skip any of her questions. And she’s right. I still have a few unanswered texts from my sister. She messaged me last night, but I wasn’t in the best headspace to chat, so I didn’t even open them. And now she’s talked to my mom. It’s like they have an internal radar that lets them know whenever I’m feeling down. And I love them, but I can’t deal when they get all overprotective like that. As much as I’m thankful for the support, sometimes all I need is some space. My father’s the only one who usually lets me be.
Me:All good, Ma! Paris is beautiful. The job is easy so far. Aaron’s doing great. He’s busting my balls all day, as usual. The food is great too. I’m sure you would approve. Yes, I saw Yael’s texts. But I was tired last night and went to bed early. I’ll get back to her soon. No need to worry, Ma. Everything’s great.
She texts back almost immediately.
Ma:I’m so glad to hear that, son! Are you happy?
Of course, she wouldn’t let me skip a question. It’s a simple one, and I can easily type yes and be done with it, but having had such a hard time last night, emotionally speaking, makes me feel uncomfortable with lying. We’ve always been open about our feelings at home, but I don’t want her to worry. Besides, I know I’ll be fine.
I’m fine.
Me:Yes, I am! Coming here and taking this job was a great decision.
I take the easy way out. Besides, it’s partly true. It was a great decision to come here, and the fact that I’m still struggling with Yon’s death doesn’t take away from that. Worrying my family about a tough night when we are miles apart is useless. What’s happiness, anyway? It’s all about finding balance while dealing with your shit. We all have good days and bad.
It’s time to check my sister’s texts.
Yael:Hey, Leb
Yael:We are flying to Tel Aviv next weekend, and Samuel wants to know if Uncle Leb will be there :( You feel so far away! Maybe I should convince Isaac to take me to Paris someday. You know it’s been a dream of mine to go there.
Yael:Anywayyyyy. Just wanted to let you know we miss you, and I hope you’re doing okay. You know you can text me whenever you need to talk about anything.
Yael:Love you, Leb!
Ah, fuck. My sister is skilled in the art of disarming me every single time. Thankfully, I trusted my gut and didn’t read her messages last night while I was drunk. It wouldn’t have been very helpful for the state I found myself in.
Yael and I have always been close. She knew all my secrets growing up and would give me the best advice whenever I liked a girl. She was picky and didn’t approve of most of them, of course. But she loved my high school girlfriend, Mila. That was the only official relationship I’ve ever been in, but unfortunately, Yael liked her more than I did. And in a way, I think I decided to date her because of that. I wasn’t really in love with her. But I’ve always taken Yael’s opinion into consideration for everything.
But then Yael got married, moved away, had Samuel, and I wasn’t making the best decisions in my personal life. She was somewhat pissed when she found out through someone else about Noa and me because she likes her a lot, and she knew I was a mess after Yon’s death. So we both pretended like Noa never happened, and I never broke her heart. But I’m sure she knows everything that went down between us. That’s how it is in my family and my community.
I fire a quick reply that will surely put her at ease and drag myself out of my bed afterward. Right now, I know I need a run to placate the uneasiness and get the alcohol out of my system. I’m tempted to text Miss Murphy about joining me. Still, even if a part of me knows it’s inappropriate for me to contact her, I can’t help but feel like a communication door opened between us last night when she texted me that SOS. And it doesn’t mean anything. I just want to cheer her up.
Fuck it.
Without a second thought, I text her and start changing into workout clothes. Either way, I’m going out for that run.
Me:Good morning, Miss Murphy. Are you a runner?
A couple of minutes later, my phone pings twice.
Miss Murphy:Good morning, Caleb.
Miss Murphy:SOMETIMES I climb on the treadmill and walk really, really fast. Does it count? haha
I smile.
Me:Ehhh. I’m going to go with: sure, why not? But you get double the points if it’s outdoors, Miss.
I shouldn’t be making the conversation so playful, but I can’t help but want to tease her a little. I’ve been wanting to since day one. Again, all I care about is being friendly because I can’t stand to think she’s always lonely. Especially on a day like today.
Miss Murphy:Mmm. Well, it is nice out there today, isn’t it?
Me:It’s runner’s paradise weather.
Miss Murphy:Should we go out for a run then?
It’s a bit of a relief to see she’s interested and actually “suggesting” it herself. It makes me feel like I’m not overstepping, even if I know I am by contacting her and having this conversation in the first place.
