Page 70 of Caleb
She looks nice.
“Hey,” I say, approaching her with a smile.
“Hello.” She kisses my cheeks. “It’s been a while.”
“Well, I’ve seen you almost every day at the university,” I tease.
“You know what I mean.” She places her hand on my cheek for a few seconds, scanning it, and it does nothing for me. I used to get hard at the mere sight of her, but things have changed since I met her almost three years ago. Mostly the fact that she got herself entangled in an unstable relationship and only comes looking for me whenever she feels lonely or needs reassurance. It worked for me then. But it feels pointless now.
“I do know what you mean,” I say. “How’s Lucas?”
She groans and shakes her head. “I wouldn’t know.”
“I see.” I slip my hands inside my pants pockets. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I guess.” She looks down at the ground and tucks her hair behind her ear. She then lets out an aggravated sigh and meets my gaze. “I’m so sorry, Caleb.”
“What about?” I know what she means, but she doesn’t need to apologize. I was perfectly fine with the no strings attached arrangement we had going on. And I saidhadbecause it’s not something we can keep doing. Not anymore. The fact that I’m leaving soon being the most pressing reason. But there are other reasons too. Reasons I don’t dare to admit to myself.
“You know,” she says with a shrug. “About—everything.”
“Everything’s fine.” I shake my head. “We’re fine.”
This is what she does whenever she breaks it off with Lucas. She comes looking for me, acting all remorseful and shit. And I usually ran with the apologetic act because she’s fun and I like her and the sex is great, but I know it’s useless now. I’m leaving.
She needs to know.
“I miss you, Caleb,” she says, taking a step forward, her voice the kind of smooth that would have driven me crazy in the past. But again … nothing. And yes, she’s gorgeous, but my mind is elsewhere.
Noelle cups my face and kisses me. My hands move to her waist and pull her in against me. The familiarity of her body is undeniable.
I’m a weak, warm-blooded, stupid man. Mostly stupid.
Her lips part, allowing my tongue to meet hers. Our bodies collide as I press her against the wall behind us. Momentarily, I find myself without a care in the world.
Until I’m not.
“Noelle,” I whisper, breaking away from the kiss. “We can’t.”
“Why?” She nips at my lower lip with her teeth. “You have no idea how much I missed these deliciously thick lips of yours.”
She kisses me more passionately this time like I didn’t just stop her a few seconds before. But I’m unable to give in to the kiss fully.
I need to keep myself focused. So I break off the kiss.
“Noelle, I’m leaving,” I manage to say, our lips an inch away from each other, still wet from the exchange.
“Oh, of course.” Her arms are holding tight to my neck. “When can I see you again?”
“What I mean is I’m leaving Paris next month,” I reveal, taking half a step back.
“What?” Her hands slip from my neck and grab onto the flaps of my coat. “Why?”
“Our time here is up,” I say, my tone unintentionally cold. “We’re going to New York.” Telling her this half-truth reminds me that the wound is still too fresh. My stomach feels hot, knotted. It physically hurts to come to terms with my fate. To accept that Red’s leaving without me. The thought alone sobers me up from the temporary spell Noelle had me under.
And she cannot know I’m going to Israel. Not yet, at least. I can’t risk her telling someone and having that information circulating back to Red. Noelle’s friends with Cecile’s older sister. That makes it one gossip away from breaching my contract and ruining my chances to say goodbye to Red properly.
“I knew you would leave one day,” she says, pulling me closer to her, “but I didn’t expect it to be so soon.”
