Page 85 of Caleb
“Um … I’ve never been to New York before, but yeah, I’m excited.” Only I’m sure my response didn’t sound exciting because it’s a lie. And I hate lying to her. The truth is I’m tired of pretending like everything’s okay. Like I will be hopping on that plane tomorrow with her when I’m not. As much as I’ve been dreading this day to come, a part of me wants the agony to be over. To get it over and done with once and for all.
“You’re not going to chicken out on me, are you?”
She’s more perceptive than I accounted for.
“No, of course not.” I turn my attention toward the water for a quick second. “It’s just—something tells me things are going to be different for you in New York.”
“What do you mean?” Her eyes widen, and I can tell she’s going to take every word I say to heart, so I better choose my words wisely.
“I mean, you’re all grown-up,” I say. “You’re not a child anymore. It’s time you put the past behind you. You owe it to yourself. And I’m glad we can come with you and keep you safe, but you’ll probably want to kick us away like the nuisance we are.” I snort and make my best effort to smile. I shouldn’t be telling her this, but it’s the only way I’ll manage to put her worries to rest. For now. I know it will only make the impending blow more shocking, but I refuse to bring out the topic until the end of the day.
“Ugh. I know. I can’t wait to throw you out.” She shoves my shoulder playfully with her hand. I laugh, but I’m afraid it comes out a bit sad.
“Jokes aside, I think you’re underestimating my father. You know how he is. Sometimes his overprotectiveness worries me. It makes me wonder if there’s anything about the investigation they aren’t telling me. I feel like I’m not being informed. And I deserve to be,” she says firmly. And she’s not wrong. She deserves to be informed about everything, but the web of lies runs deeper than she’ll ever know. “Is there anything else you know about—what happened that day?”
It’s been a while since she brought up the subject of her mother, and she knows better than to do so. We’ve never given her any information other than evasive responses. But I get why she’s curious. Moving back to New York should mean she no longer needs security because she will no longer be an ambassador’s daughter. She might find her father wanting to keep her security detail odd.
I just wish she didn’t want to talk about this today.
“You know there’s nothing much I can say about it,” I remind her. “Just know thatyouare my job, and you are very well cared for. So there’s nothing to worry about.” I tried reassuring her with my indirect words, but I couldn’t look her in the eye and lie, so I turned my attention back toward the fountain.
“I wish I could feel normal someday, you know?” She says with a sigh.
“Normal? What’snormal? Who makes the rules, and why would you want to live by them? Make your own rules,” I say, frowning. “Never wish otherwise.”
She stares at me and nods slowly in understanding.
“How’s Noelle?” A laugh escapes her throat. As much as I’m thankful for the change of subject, this is not a topic I feel comfortable touching with her.
“She’s probably back with her boyfriend.” I level my gaze with hers. Noelle told me she broke it off with Lucas the last time I saw her, but they’re so unstable that it really is a possibility that they might be back together.
Anyway, I’ll answer any questions Red might want to throw at me. At least on this subject, I can tell the truth. And the truth is I haven’t spoken to Noelle since that day because we said goodbye for good.
“Oh?” She tilts her head as if trying to make me expand on it.
She wants me to expand? Well, here we go.
“You know, it can get lonely,” I admit, “and you can’t always get what you want.” I’m sure that covers it.
Her slightly panicked face pleases me.Yes, draw your own conclusions. And if we’re asking questions, I might as well get some answers for myself.
“Any word from tall, dark, and handsome?” I wet my lips and scratch my jaw as I wait for her to tell me if she’s been talking to Thomas or not. I need to know, even if she seems reluctant to answer my question.
“You find him handsome?” She’s teasing me and trying to dodge my question, but I’m dead serious about this. I need to know if they are in communication because if they are, I’ll need to talk to Aaron about it.
“He’s gone—dark,” she finally says with a soft chuckle.
Good.
“Well, I guess that just makes him an asshole,” I snap back. Who asks for a girl like Red’s number to not contact her? He must really be an idiot. Or maybe he has a girlfriend back home. Hopefully. Or perhaps he’s waiting for her to be back in New York. Still, I need to tell her what I think because I won’t have another chance to do so.
“But I could tell you liked him,” I start, “and I wish I could say the same. However, there’s something about him ... I’d prefer it if he doesn’t contact you again.”
“Did it—bother you?” she asks bluntly. She’s finally asking all the tough questions, but unfortunately, I can’t talk freely about my feelings. I’ve already said enough as it is. But I’ll try to work around it.
“Well, you know how I worry,” I say instead. “What bothered me was how you had to see me with Noelle, but I thought it was punishment enough to see you with Thomas later that night.”
She seems surprised by my reply and looks down at her hands as she twists her fingers in her lap. It’s a possibility that she just realized how much I care about her. How much I love her.
