Page 12 of Lovestruck at Sundown
“I would’ve done this sooner if it’d been in my capacity to do so.”
I know.
Sliding up the window shade, I stared down at the city below us. Caleb’s home. This is where Caleb grew up, and I couldn’t help but imagine him as a young boy and wonder what his life looked like back then. What it would’ve looked like today if he had chosen to stay instead of accepting Aaron’s offer to work as my bodyguard.
I let out a heavy sigh charged with heartache. It seemed to me like the guilt would never leave me. It had clawed its way into my soul. How was I to face his family? I knew I had to do it. I knew I had wanted to do so for months now. But it didn’t make it any easier to picture that encounter.
“It’s going to be okay,” William cooed as I kept staring out the window, deeply lost in my thoughts. “I’ve got you.”
My eyes widened with surprise as I quickly turned to face him.
“What?” He chuckled, stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Nothing, um—” I shook my head twice, fast. “That’s what Caleb used to say all the time.”
“Well, I’m hoping he won’t mind me stepping in for the gig. Though I know I’ve got some pretty big shoes to fill.”
“He would’ve loved that.” I held on to his neck and pulled him closer to drop a kiss on his lips. “And luckily, you’ve got pretty big feet yourself.”
We stepped out of Caleb’s family home, waving his parents goodbye as we got in the black armored SUV Aaron was able to borrow for the duration of our stay from a friend who owns a security company in Tel Aviv. And the moment David shut the door behind us, I choked on a sob that made my chest violently jerk back and forth. William wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in against him, where I found myself crying inconsolably.
I’d been trying so hard to keep the tears in check while visiting Caleb’s parents. I wanted to seem strong and put together and to be able to say the things I wanted to say without breaking apart. To apologize, to acknowledgetheirpain. To tell them how great and honorable their son was. How much I loved him. Still did. I didn’t want to cry in front of them and make the visit about my grief. This visit was about them and the amazing son they lost. It was about me coming to pay my respects and apologize for not coming sooner. William also did a great job expressing his condolences, emphasizing their son’s bravery.
As I took gasping breaths against William’s chest, I noticed Aaron had lingered a bit longer while he said his goodbyes. Caleb’s mom hugged him tightly, and I could see the tears falling down her cheeks even if she was smiling or trying to for what it seemed. That only made me shut my eyes as more and heavier sobs escaped my throat.
William kept brushing my hair off my face in complete silence. That’s all I needed, for him to be there with me. Words were superfluous in moments like these.
Aaron turned his back on Caleb’s parents and walked toward the SUV. That’s when David got in the passenger seat with a solemn expression on his face. And I silently thanked him for not looking at me when I was such a mess, for giving me as much privacy as I could get inside the car.
Aaron cleared his throat and turned the key in the ignition. “I’m taking you to his grave now, Miss Murphy,” he said, his voice sounding slightly off, like he, too, was having trouble dealing with the emotions that got triggered with the visit.
“Thank you, Aaron,” William replied in my stead. I wasn’t even trying to stop myself from crying at this point because I needed it. I needed to feel it all and leave whatever was left of the grief inside me here in Tel Aviv, where it belonged, hoping I would take nothing but the good memories with me back home.
“Can we … stop … for flowers?” I managed to say, still holding on to William, my arms refusing to unlatch from around his waist.
“It’s not customary to leave flowers, Miss,” Aaron said plainly. He was informing me about their traditions, and it’s not that I didn’t want to respect them, but I had my own too. And I knew Caleb wouldn’t have minded if I left flowers on his grave. He knew how stubborn I was and how I always got my way. My silence must’ve said it all. “But I know a place we can stop by that’s on the way.”
“Thank you, Aaron.” My eyelids gave in on me, so I allowed myself to relax, knowing we’d done the right thing coming here.
And then my phone rang. It startled me and the peace that was beginning to brew inside the vehicle after the volatile emotions floating around had promised to settle.
My father.
It was the first time he had called me directly while I’d been away. He’d been contacting Aaron, who would relay his messages to me or pass me the phone as he did the night before. But not this time.
With a sigh, I took the call.
“Dad?”
“You have until sundown to get on that plane and fly backhome,” he said, his tone dry as if he were dictating an instruction to his personal assistant. “There are a few changes we need to discuss when you get back.”
I knew he meant that as a warning to coerce me back into submission, but I was pleased to realize his passive-aggressive threat did little to move me.
“I agree,” I said matter-of-factly, straightening in my seat and mustering as much confidence as I could gather, feeling the whiplash of emotions walloping me but fueling me all the same. “There are lots of changes we need to discuss when I get back.”
He didn’t know about the ace up my sleeve. The truths I was now in possession of that gave me all the leverage I needed to negotiate the terms of our previous agreement regarding my security and other ridiculous arrangements.
He let out a sharp sound through his nose, clearly irritated about my unstoppable rebellious streak.
