Page 138 of Lovestruck at Sundown
“I understand you’re upset,” he said. “And I won’t tell you how to feel. But please, let me explain.”
“What exactly do you want to explain, William?” I said, my tone growing louder and harsher. I stood and paced in front of him. “How you lied to me? How you forged a scholarship acceptance letter to make me believe I’d gotten one so you could pay for my last semester without my knowledge?”
“Guille, please hear me out.”
I needed to calm down, but I didn’t know how. I tried remembering how I’d misjudged him in the past, assuming theworst before letting him explain. Only to end up apologizing for being too quick to judge. But those thoughts didn’t do shit to settle the anger.
“I’m so fucking pissed at you right now.” I shook my head, hoping the disappointment was visible in my eyes as I stared at him, crushed.
“And you have every right to be.”
God! He was driving me insane.
“Okay.” After taking a deep, steadying inhalation that didn’t do shit to settle the anger, I sat on the edge of the bed in front of him with my arms crossed at my chest. “I’ll hear you out,” I said, my tone harsher than I intended it to be, but I wasn’t going to pretend like I could be indifferent to this type of behavior.
William blew out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “You didn’t get the scholarship. I covered the cost of your tuition and lied about everything. I stupidly thought I could get away with doing something for you without getting caught.”
My mouth tugged down, my lower lip quivering from the overwhelming emotions of having William confirm what he did and not just what it entailed but how it made me feel.
“I would’ve found out either way when I paid the remaining 5% of the tuition that wasn’t ‘covered’ with the fake scholarship,” I pointed out.
“That money was going to be allocated toward graduation fees and other expenses,” he explained, his tone low but firm. “I planned everything to make things easier for you to graduate in December. Because I know that’s what you want.”
The incoherent mix of emotions flowing through my body was driving me insane. A part of me was furious and upset. These attitudes reminded me of my father, and of how, for years, he did so many things behind my back with the excuse of it all being in my best interest or for my own good.
Another part of me was in awe of William’s generosity, his overall capacity to anticipate my needs, and his willingness to do whatever it took to make things happen.
Ultimately, I had to set boundaries and explain how specific things triggered me. Open communication and full disclosure were two things I wanted and needed for our relationship to work.
“What bothers me is that you did this behind my back.” I stood, pacing along the width of my room in front of William, anger bubbling inside my chest. “It’s like I’m stuck in this endless loop where everyone keeps deciding for me or doing thingsfor my own good. But I’m always left out of the equation.” I was rambling, but William had no choice but to let me do it while he listened in silence. He had no words left to interrupt me with. “I had a plan.” I stopped in front of him and met his gaze. “If I didn’t get the scholarship, I was going to find a way to save the money and pay for the remaining credits. Even if it meant putting my studies on hold for a semester or two.”
“And that’s my point exactly,” he replied once he realized I was done talking. “I didn’t want you to put your studies on hold because of your father’s sudden and unfair decision to stop supporting you financially. I did that when I chose to drop my studies to pursue acting, and I regret it every single day. It still weighs on me, as stupid as that might sound. I have all this money, fame, and success, and I’m still carrying the burden of knowing I wasn’t capable of doing this one thing for myself before moving on to something else. It was important and meaningful to me, and I ignored it.”
“But why go behind my back?” I demanded. “You know how much I hate feeling like I don’t have a say in my own life. It makes me feel small and trapped.”
“Would you have accepted?” he mused. “Would you haveallowed me to do this one thing for you after finding out you didn’t get the scholarship?”
I wouldn’t have, and we both knew it. And in my inflexible determination, I would’ve put my studies on hold and tried to get a second job in case the magazine couldn’t hire me full-time. I would’ve even tried to convince William (and myself) that I needed a break from school when all I wanted was to graduate. I didn’t want to put my studies on hold, but I was willing to do whatever it took to own up to my choices and their consequences.
My silence told William all he needed to know.
“You chose to stay by my side,” he continued. “You chose not to yield to your father’s wishes to end our relationship, which cost you his support. The least I could do was take care of your tuition, especially when I am more than capable of doing so.” He ran a hand through his hair and stood to remove his jacket, tossing it on the sofa beside him. “It in no way hinders or impacts me financially, and you know it.”
William stepped forward and gently tilted my chin with his finger. I braced my hands on the bed beside my hips, and his hand cradled the back of my head. The supported angle allowed me to meet his gaze more easily. “Have you forgotten what I told you last Christmas Eve?” he muttered.
“No,” I breathed, shaking my head. But I had, until now.
I—take care—of what’s—mine.
The rest of the conversation came back to me, slapping me in the face like a bucket of ice-cold water.
You’ll let me take care of you.
My dad had given me an ultimatum.You have two weeks to put an end to this … infatuation of yours.But I’d chosen William, and it cost me the leftover shreds of my relationship with my fatherandhis financial support. But even if it hurt having to choose, all I wanted was William. I would always choose him.
Now tell me you’ll let me take care of you.
God, I had forgotten all about that exchange that happened after our failed Christmas Eve dinner with my dad.Say it.William insisted as he moved inside me. Faster, harder, deeper. But how wouldn’t I forget this conversation, considering I had been on the verge of coming apart with pleasure and my mind was clouded with the emotional distress of that day?
