Page 84 of Lovestruck at Sundown
I didn’t want him to go.
He replied by nodding and dragging a hand down the length of his wearied face. I settled my head on his shoulder and silently held on to his arm for the rest of the ride home. He probably wanted to get this off his chest, but I felt he wasn’t ready to talk about the implications surrounding him accepting this offer yet. And I wasn’t either. I wanted to enjoy his return from Vancouver and relish in the knowledge that we had the rest of the month all to ourselves.
Once we arrived home, we went straight to his apartment. We left William’s luggage in the foyer, and he was quick to move toward his piano. Playing it helped him decompress.
William removed his jacket, sat on the bench, and tapped the space beside him. I took a seat as butterflies fluttered in my stomach. The apartment was calm and quiet, and it reminded me of last summer when he played a few songs for me in Sagaponack.
“Any requests?” William asked, placing his fingers over the keys.
“Us,” I said. That was our song, the one he wrote for me. I loved it. And it’d been a while since I last listened to him playing it.
William played the song from start to finish, and when he hit the last chords, he stared at his fingers and said, “I don’t want to leave without you.” He pulled the fallboard down over the keys. “I can’t do the long-distance thing. Not with you.” He sighed. “Do you know how hard it was to be apart from you the last six weeks?”
I turned around to face him, resting a leg on each side of the bench.
“Are you breaking up with me or asking me to come with you to LA?” A soft chuckle escaped my throat, but it came out sad.
Leaving New York was out of the question for me at that moment. I officially still had a year and a half left before graduating, but I’d been packing up on credits every summer, hoping to graduate early. But juggling school and my part-time job was exhausting, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to enroll in summer school next year. I needed a break, but if graduating early would somehow improve my relationship dynamic with William, I’d be willing to put in the extra effort.
“And I know I can’t ask you to drop everything and come with me.” He swung a leg to the other side of the bench and faced me. “But maybe you could transfer and graduate in California?”
“Phew. So you’re not breaking up with me?” I never thought I’d use comedy as a relief, but here we were. I also wanted confirmation because maybe I was not reading correctly into the situation.
William’s brow furrowed. “Never.” He cupped my cheek and stared at my lips. “Du är vacker,älskling.”You are beautiful, darling.Another phrase I’d memorized by heart. He leaned in to kiss me while his other hand rested on the back of my neck, slightly tilting my head to deepen the kiss. His tongue parted my lips and searched for mine. It was a slow, tender kiss that almost felt like a promise.
Never.
He broke off the kiss and rested his forehead against mine. My hands moved to his heaving chest, where I felt the steady rhythm of his beating heart—that heart I loved so much and wanted to protect at all costs.
But as much as it pained me to be apart from him, I lovedmy life in New York. Starting from zero in a new university with no friends and having all this attention pointed at us by the media … I swallowed hard at the thought. I wasn’t sure if I could take it. My friends and even William’s family were my biggest support system, and being apart from them wasn’t an option. For the first time in my life, when I moved to New York, I stopped feeling lonely.
Besides, my father would never allow me to move across the country. He was still paying for my studies, and I needed things to continue that way. And what about my job? I loved working at the magazine. That job was the only income I had, and I needed the money.
I breathed past the panic that was building in my chest. It seemed like our only option would be to try a long-distance relationship.
“I’ll take care of everything and make sure you’re comfortable,” William said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear as if reading my thoughts and sensing my reluctance. “I’ll buy a nice house over there, pay for school, and give you everything you need. We can get a dog or a cat. Or both.” He cupped my face between his hands.
“William.” I shook my head slowly. One of the many reasons I loved him was his genuine generosity. William was myeverything, but we’d been dating for only a few months, and I couldn’t accept that. It would put too much pressure on our relationship.
It was too much too soon.
“It’s one thing to be apart for a few weeks,” he continued, his voice growing agitated. “But I can’t leave for eight months straight and see you on holidays and the occasional free weekend.”
“I can’t.” It pained me to utter those two words. “My father wouldn’t allow it.” And that was the truth. Even if I was braveor stupid enough to do this, to drop everything and start a new life with him in LA, I knew my father would refuse and make it impossible for me to leave New York. He’d shown me a taste of what he was capable of, and I didn’t want to test his limits.
“We don’t need him.” His hands moved to my waist and pulled me closer to him, so I wrapped my legs around his waist.
“I can’t leave New York.” A painful smile drew on my face as I brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. “All my friends are here. And I would lose my job.”
“I could talk to your boss to see if they can transfer you to Haute Magazine’s LA office.” William wrapped his arms around me and pulled my body against his chest. His ability to be one step ahead was almost obnoxious and didn’t give me any time to think and process the situation. “Please,” he muttered, his lips brushing against my ear, shooting a tingling sensation through my body. “I’m not above begging. Not when it comes to you.”
“We’ll make it work,” I whispered back. “I promise. I’ll fly over there to see you as often as I can, and you can visit me, too. We’ll talk every day. We’ll FaceTime. And—”
“You don’t understand.” He pulled slightly back and searched for my gaze. “They want to film these back-to-back and go on a worldwide press tour for each of the films: Europe, Latin America, Asia, the works. I’d be contractually obligated to attend most of these premieres. Constant press junkets, morning shows, and late-night shows on both coasts. And then back to the studio and start all over again.” He let out a frustrated sigh.
“You don’t think we’ll survive this.” It wasn’t a question. It was clear that he didn’t think we could make it if I stayed behind while he embarked on this project.
“I won’t make the same mistakes my parents did.” William stood, the warmth of his presence fleeing behind him as he started pacing in the living room. I swung my leg over the benchto face him. “My dad was always away, still is. And even if he tried taking long breaks between projects, it came to a point in his career where all these big projects were being offered to him, and he couldn’t refuse. My mom supported him. We all ‘understood’ his absence was due to his success, but they slowly drifted apart. Or maybe it happened faster and earlier than they were willing to admit. I know their marriage lasted longer than it should’ve for the sake of Eric.”
